i dont have alot of hope that we will be successful. but if for some reason we are i dont know what to do.
ive had 3 c/s that were completly unneccessary(FTP, FTP, and of course FTP), and my last one (#4) which was sort of neccessary (i am sure there are things that could have been tried to stabilize DD's heartbeat before running to the OR).
as much as i am sure VBAC is almost always the best option, is it really worth fighting with care providers for, especially in my situation? i mean, i had to drive an hour to see my doc, whom i trust. his partners on the other hand, not so much. if im going to get treated like crap by his partners, why drive that far when there are crappy docs that are much closer to my house? my pregnancies were all fine except for the minor bp and swelling hiccup i had the last 10 days or so with the twins.
if i decide to go the vbac route, i will have to basically sit at home until the baby is coming before going in. in hindsight, i shouldve done it with the twins but DH insisted and i caved. if i have all these regrets. why didnt i insist they turn the epi off and flush the catheter to see if that helped with babys heartrate? why did i even go in when i was barely dilated (i was only 1cm and 100% effaced when admitted) even though i was clearly in active labor. why why why did i let my hubby get to me? i feel guilty for getting the epidural, like i could have tried harder to relax and get a grip during the contractions. i have so many regrets :(
and if i choose to have a RCS, how do i make that ok? it seems foreign to say 'ok cut me open for no reason'.
as i said, it will be a miracle if i can get pregnant again. my reprodutive specialist who performed the IVF that resulted in my beautiful twins said that my multiple c/s caused issues with my eggs implanting correctly. which explains the multiple chemical pregnancies i had while i was trying on my own. we cant go the ivf route again so it will be difficult.
shouldnt it be an easy decision?
that being said, i havent even really gotten AF back yet. i am still nursing the twins (10.5 months and going strong) and had one day of bright red bleeding back in mid august. so far nothing else. i wasnt regular before the twins, i hoped it would change after but i knew better.
ah well, thanks for letting me get all that out, and i hope you all can help me with a difficult decision, should i be blessed with a natural miracle pregnancy.