Our 10 month old has been waking every 1-2 hours since he was about 4 months.
If that wasn't bad enough lately he will not go to sleep easily. On a good night I hold him and walk him around the room until he falls asleep which usually takes 10 minutes. Lately even after 30+ minutes of doing this, although he will be asleep in my arms, the moment I place him in the crib he wakes and immediately starts screaming. He is getting heavier now so it is physically exhausting holding him and carrying him around.
He has never been a baby that we can place in the crib "drowsy but awake" otherwise he starts screaming.
I am just so incredibly exhausted, frustrated, desperate and resentful. I feel like I have no life of my own any more. I'm a stay at home mom, so during the day I have no energy to really be present for my son. I feel like I have nothign left to give him and that there is nothing left of me.
Our whole evening ends up being devoted to putting him to sleep. Even then he will wake 1-2 hours later and the process gets repeated. This is even before my husband or I get to sleep.
When we go to sleep, one of us co-sleeps with him and the other sleeps on the sofa. Then halfway through the night we swap. This was at least giving us of us a decent stretch of sleep. But lately with his resisting sleep, I am physically and emotionally spent.
I belong to a mom's group, all nice ladies, but their babies all sleep pretty much through the night, and they say their bedtime routine involves putting baby down awake, who then falls asleep on their awake. This makes me feel so alone and resentful to learn that there are other parents who are having such an easy time getting their baby to sleep. I see how much energy and how carefree these moms are, relatively speaking.
It makes me wonder "why me, why us?". We are good, loving parents, and through no fault of our own have a baby who has trouble sleeping.
Every day I wake up feeling worse. I find myself mentally tuning out from my son during the day. I don't feel like playing with him, I just want to sit and tune out. My focus of each day is nap time, when I put him down for a nap I take one too. This is what I look forward to each day. I feel so sad that I don't look forward to playing with my son each day.
I am worried that this experience will damage the bond between my son and I. I am honestly not enjoying being a mother right now. I sometimes wish I never had a baby, because of what my life has become.
My husband and I have looked for help in the medical community but the advice ends up being to let him cry it out, which we do not advocate.
I feel so incredibly alone in dealing with this issue. The only thing that gets me through is sharing how I feel on this board.
I am just so desperate. Everyone says "it will get easier", but for us it has not gotten any easier. Every day is harder and harder to get through.
I never thought being a mother would feel as horrible as I feel these days.