Keeping your cool during a tantrum

[Ava's Mama]

Hi there!  I have a 31 month DD and I am really struggling keeping my cool during her tantrums this week.  She had another stage of tantrums around her two year birthday and now they seem to be back.  I am normally pretty good keeping calm and redirecting during whininess, but when it gets to be a full blown tantrum I have lost it three times this week!  I feel so bad.  I try to use positive discipline, but the tantrums just throw me for a loop and I end up yelling and getting really frustrated, which obviously doesn't help in calming her down.  I always apologize afterwards and explain how I feel, but I would like to try to prevent my out bursts from happening because that is not a good example for her.

Does anyone have any techniques they use to keep themselves level headed during a tantrum?  Thanks in advance!

[mrscookie]

I hear you. I get really annoyed if I'm getting kicked by little frustrated feet or back when we had a phase of 2 hours or screaming (no exaggeration). 

If your LO is not comforted by your presence at that moment anyway, how about saying something like "It's really hard being so upset, isn't it? It's hard for me too. I need to take a quick break so that I can be calm. I'll be right back." and then go take a breather. 

[poorlittlefish]

What works for us is that I bring her into her room, settle her on her bed and tell her to come out when she can be calm.  I don't shut the door or treat it as a timeout, but more a cooling off period.  That really helps me keep it together.  Then I don't have to listen.  Often she will stop tantrumming and just start to cry, then I go in there and talk it out with her and give her hugs.  I need to step away or I also lose it. it is so hard!

[Ava's Mama]

Yeah, I can certainly handle it better at home when we can safely take space from each other.  And take time to get calmed down.  The situation this morning was that she wanted to get in the other car to go to daycare.  I explained that the car we are taking is the one with the car seat in it and the other one was the one daddy was driving.  She proceeded to try to run away on our driveway (next to a busy street).  I grabbed her and got her in the car.  Maybe I should have just sat in the car with her and let us both calm down.  But instead I just held her down and made her get in the car seat.  Its especially hard when you need to be somewhere which is what probably through me off more than ussual this morning.  I just can't wait to pick her up and tell her that I love her.  What an awful way to start the day!

[CanBoo]

Earplugs.

They take the edge off and make me a much nicer mom during screaming fits.

[Ava's Mama]

She did the same exact scenario this morning and I succeeded in staying calm.  When she said she wanted to go in the other car I said " do you want to go in this side or the other side?" (of the car I wanted her to get in). She chose the other side, of course and climbed in.  Then she insisted that she sit on the very edge of the car seat.  I explained that in order to stay safe she needed to be in her car seat etc.  She started whining and I further explained that yesterday this happened and we both got really upset and it made me sad, so lets try to have fun today.  She further whined and tried to get out of the seat, but I gently held her back and got it buckled.  Anyways, it wasn't perfect, but this mama is feeling better about herself today!

[kayleesmom]

just sending along hugs.