Ranting for a minute... « Back to Group Discussions

[KM84]

Do you ever have something that bugs you a little at the time, but the further away from it you get the more you stew on it and get pissed off?

I wasn't happy with our first OB visit. There wasn't anything majorly wrong with the OB appointment, but a few red flags went up. Mostly I felt like I was being shoved through a Prenatal Care Machine rather than working with my doctor.

At my appointment, which was at 7.5 weeks, my doctor said the next step was to go in for a nuchal translucency and blood draw, which sounded fine. I think ultrasounds are neat, I'm not going to complain about a fancy one.

But when she said what it was for - to check for chromosomal anomalies - I took a step back. Originally my husband and I hadn't planned on doing that sort of testing. We're both young enough that we're not high risk for anything. But she insisted "everyone gets this test."

I asked whether there's anything one can do if an anomaly is detected, and she basically said "no but some people choose to terminate." What other people do with their pregnancy is between them and their god, but between me and mine termination would not be an option. When I said so to my doctor she said "well, you never know what you'd want to do when faced with that situation." Uh, what?

I consider part of my responsibility to life to include keeping myself out of situations where I might have to make those choices. So, what I want to do in "that situation" is not get myself in that situation to begin with. When we were still dating, my husband and I didn't start having sex until we agreed that we were in a place financially and emotionally where having a baby wouldn't be the end of the world. An estimated 70% of pregnancies with positive trisomy 21 testing are terminated, and while it's not my place to pass judgement on others, I find that unsettling. 

Ultimately my doctor admitted it was my choice whether or not to have the tests done, and the part of me that thinks science is cool really wants to. I mean, what science geek doesn't want to see their own genetic workup alongside some high-res ultrasounds of their baby? But I really, really didn't appreciate the way my doctor handled it. She had this attitude of "why aren't you just going with the flow?"

I want my doctor to manage my pregnancy according to my body, not according to a spreadsheet of things most of her patients do.

I'm meeting with a different midwife and OB next week, so that process is already in motion, but I just had to get that off my chest.

[casmer]

I think I would have felt exactly like you do.  Kudos to you for checking out other healthcare providers.  That would have seriously urked me and I'm not sure I could have shaken the feeling either.  It's amazing how insensitive and numb some doctors can be!

[KM84]

Thanks. I realize now that my post is really long, thanks for reading it! It was just keeping me awake fuming last night.

I'm excited to meet the midwife, she does mostly homebirth but she also works with a hospital nearby which is supposedly pretty progressive, I think they even allow women to give birth in the tub if they so desire. I'm hoping they'll just leave us in a room to do our thing, and if anything goes awry we can press a button and an OB will show up ready for action.

Apparently a lot of hospitals in our area aren't doing birth anymore, due to some new regulations from the state that make it a nightmare for all involved. Good times.

[MeredithA]

Wow, I'm so glad that you are already looking into other midwives/options. It doesn't sound that like OB office was a good fit for you at all. I think lots of medical offices run everything a certain way, treating every patient the same way, and thats one of the reasons we chose to go with a home birth midwife this time. I hope things turn out much better at your next appointment! 

[forestmushroom]

I would have been really urked if my provider told me I had to do a test like this. I have had 4 pregnancies and always declined the genetic testing. By telling you you had to do an elective test, she is basically lying to you! 

[KM84]

Well, when I pressed the issue she didn't say I had to do it, she kind of backtracked to "oh well of course everything is optional," but she made it seem like everyone gets this test and I was some sort of weirdo for not wanting it. Not cool. Not to mention that not everyone gets the test, in fact it's pretty unusual for someone under 30 to get it.

The other thing that bugged me: "we like our moms to gain 25 pounds during their pregnancy." Really? I find it hard to imagine that we're all going to gain the same amount of weight, regardless of body type / our individual pregnancy.

Also "many women find that carbs help with nausea, but be careful because that's what puts on the pounds too."

Lady, I have lost weight since the start of this pregnancy because eating food is an uphill battle versus nausea. I'll eat a whole cake if it makes me feel better, weight gain be damned.

Sometimes I hate Manhattan. At a "ginormous" size 8, I was probably the largest woman in the office. Uh, what?

[Shannon Owens]

KM84 - Sorry to hear about your issues. I got asked if I'd like genetics testing also, but it was presented as more as an option. I think they like to do this testing and all the extras because they get more insurance money.  The medical community is pretty difficult to go against, I learned a lot during my first pregnancy and I'm not just going along with whatever option they present. I'm definitely getting a doula this time around so that I have an advocate during the birthing process. My birth plan was pretty much thrown at the window by the nurses and doctor as soon as I went to the hospital.

[KM84]

I don't think we're going to get a doula, but we've got three nurses in the family. One of whom is my husband's grandmother, and I'd rather cross a grizzly bear than her, so god help anyone who gets in her way. :D

I forgot the last puzzle piece that pissed me off about this: insurance. We are very lucky in that we have nice insurance which covers most everything (though we pay handsomely for it). But I know this fancy-pants test is not free, despite the fact that I'm not paying for it personally. So here I am, contributing to the out-of-control medical costs of unnecessary testing, giving the insurance companies yet more reasons to charge out the a** for insurance. It's like a $300 test. Maybe if jerks like me weren't getting all these stupid unnecessary tests done, we could afford to let everyone see a doctor once a year. 

[Kamiro]

I totally understand where you are coming from. On all accounts lol

It would irk me as well. I don't really have any other advice to give, but I think you are on the right track. Update us when you meet the midwife!

[forestmushroom]

My first 3 babies I had with the same OB and he was rad.  But he hated insurance companies.. he was like, "Do you want to do this test? No, okay" and just go on.  For the glucose test he even said that was optional, and then told the lab I would drink orange juice instead of that gross syrup stuff.  There are great OBs out there, as there are great midwives....

[KM84]

Oh definitely. I've got nothing against OBs, just this one.

I did some research and it sounds like Pennsylvania (where we're moving to) is kind of screwed up in terms of maternity, and it's wreaking total havoc with the OBs. So I'd like to sidestep as much of that as I can. In the past few years, 19 hospitals in the area have closed their labor and delivery departments!

But mostly the midwife was just so highly recommended I couldn't pass up the opportunity when she still had availability for May. She works out of a small practice of OBs.

[forestmushroom]

Originally Posted by KM84 

Oh definitely. I've got nothing against OBs, just this one.

I did some research and it sounds like Pennsylvania (where we're moving to) is kind of screwed up in terms of maternity, and it's wreaking total havoc with the OBs. So I'd like to sidestep as much of that as I can. In the past few years, 19 hospitals in the area have closed their labor and delivery departments!

But mostly the midwife was just so highly recommended I couldn't pass up the opportunity when she still had availability for May. She works out of a small practice of OBs.

personal recommendations are usually the best.  I have not been disappointed find a good care provider that way!

[KM84]

I met with the midwife and she's great. She's very patient, and explained the benefits and risks of the nuchal translucency test so I could make my own decision about whether I wanted it. She said she does recommend it, even though we would not terminate, but that it's really my decision to decide what I do and do not want.

So now I just have to deal with my OB until we move down to the area the midwife is in. Every time we go looking at houses I hope it will be the last... fingers crossed for this weekend's trip.

[hollyann]

KM84, I can empathize with you, finding a good doctor in Manhattan is a mess!  I am somewhat pleased with the doctor I am seeing now (better than the one I had seen before.) I found my new OB a little more sensitive, and yet, the more time I spend with her, the more I see that she treats birth very medically, and doesn't have a very holistic view of pregnancy/birth.  She attempted to give me an ultrasound at 4w6d when  I went in to check my levels, I told her no, two days later my hormones came back really high, so she told me we would do the ultrasound, since "usually with hormones at 15,000 you see a heartbeat." There was no heartbeat, so she wanted me to go to a professional u/s facility two days later for a follow up ultrasound to check the "viability of the pregnancy", at 5 weeks! I waited another week to go to the u/s facility and saw the hb at 6w1d. 

The Dr. at the facility told me everything looked good, except that I had a very small cyst on my ovary that they wanted to check on at my 12 "screening" sonogram. I'm in the same boat as you, while I am excited for another sonogram, I really don't want to take a path that could lead towards interventions. I'm not very religious, but I do feel, that whoever has decided to come into our lives, has chosen us for a reason, and who am I to decide what baby is the right baby for our family.  I have a 8w prenatal appointment on Friday, and I have a feeling she will try to give another ultrasound, just for the hell of it (which I wont consent to unless there is some apparent risk).

In the meantime, I'm going to look into The Brooklyn Birthing Center and The Midwifery of Manhattan practice at The Birthing Center at St. Luke's Roosevelt. Are you looking into either of these options, or will you be in PA at that point? There aren't as many natural birth options in Manhattan/Brooklyn than I would have thought.