I need some help with a behavior issue that is now turning into a marital issue.
Yesterday I returned from a family member's funeral out of state. I left the kids at home with DH while I was at the funeral. It was the first time that I have ever been separated from my kids overnight - my kids are age 4 & 10 - and I was gone for 2 nights.
The kids behaved perfectly for DH while I was away. They were sweet, affectionate, helpful, and everything went smoothly. My 10 year old (dx ASD) did not stim at all, my 4 year old did not have any tantrums and complied calmly with all of DH's requests. They came to pick me up at the airport yesterday. I get in the car and say, "Hi! I missed you!" My 10 year old immediately starts stimming, my 4 year old starts fussing and refusing to speak. At home, my 10 year old immediately started compulsively picking on his little brother, my 4 year old refused to take a bath (we have bathtime at the same time every day) and resists every request I make. Getting ready for school today involved a lot of crying.
I'll let you figure what DH had to say about the sudden change in behavior. I tried explaining to DH that this is a normal emotional reaction after separation. He's not buying it. Can you help me find a scientific article from a mainstream source that explains children's emotional reactions to separation and reunion? Or an article that explains why ASD kids behave differently with different caregivers?
Supportive comments only, please. Negative remarks about my DH are not helpful in this situation.