vent vent court, lawyers...

[Four&Me]

i not so recently took my kids dad to court for a parenting plan change and an order of protection. 

the parenting plan change is if he is not around during his visitation times for more then a couple of hours, then that would be considered they are being cared for by another person. (childcare/babysitting via grandmother) and i would get first rights to watch them instead.

he lives in his mothers basment and sees the kids every other weekend. half of that time he is out with friends while his mom watchs them.

 i respect the grandparent visitation rights. but for a few reasons i dont want the grandparent  taking care of them more then 50% of the time. 

the order of protection is the 2nd one Ive had against him. the first one was a year ago. and stupidly when i had the chance to renew it, i didnt, thinking that i would no longer need it.

after a few incidents with him. i went and got another one. (he was; knocking on my front door for hours, arguing with my older children, breaking my property, driving in circles on my front lawn.)  

the OP and the PP are  still in the court process, for SIX months.

his lawyer and my lawyer said that the father and i would revise the PP and in it will say all the things that the order of protection would have enforced.... 

like i said this has been in court process for 6th months.

my lawyer and i sent over the PP for him and his lawyer to look at and make changes to. which they did, but 4 months later we have not received any paperwork from them.

i go to court every month for the dates the judge asks us to come back to and the father doesnt bother to show up. just his lawyer shows up!! his lawyer says 'oh sorry i forgot the PP" and tomorrow i have to go to court again. 

my rambling comes down to this point(s); his lawyer is older and more experienced then my lawyer (and free to the father because of family connections). and the father says that his lawyer can do anything, knows everyone, so i dont stand a chance... ect.

my lawyer is telling me that she is "saving me the trouble of going back every 6 months to renew the order of protection. instead she'll just include the part of the OP; staying off my property and limiting contact between the father and me to emails. and that will fix everything.

a friend told me the other day that a parenting plan is a civil court thing. that the police will not take action on, and an OP is something the police can enforce and therefore the father can do whatever he wants until i take him to court again or get another temporary order of protection. ??????  

also along that train of thought, in the parenting plan he is to pay child support.. he owes about $20,000 so far. but that is enforced by the state government. so they are keeping track of that and *enforcing* that. he has a job that pays cash so he doesnt have any paychecks to report. which allows him to not pay CS. but never the less at some point he will have to pay.

 in the parenting plan he is supposed to pay for half of dr bills and any school related expenses. which he has never done. is this just another thing i should forget about because its a civil court thing and he really wouldnt ever have to pay for any civil thing because i would have to take him to court and he has this super great lawyer and also has a super great job that pays cash. and i am paying out of pocket and borrowing money to pay my lawyer who isnt even doing what i want to happen. and his lawyer is dragging this thing out. 

this court stuff stresses me out. the father is stressing me out! i dont know if i am over reacting. under reacting. 

and to vent a little more.. my child had a toothache all weekend at his house. he refused to take her to the dentist. she came home crying and i took her to the dentist and asked him to pay for half.

"no money" he said. because his mom bought halloween costumes for the kids(because she wanted to. he had no idea she was dong it) but he had to pay her back anyways. and then he disappeared for 2 weeks.  (btw i have the kids for halloween and have costumes for them already. and him and his mom both knew that) blah! 

thanks for hearing me vent.

[Mom31]

I hate it for ya mama.  Hang in there.

[tccandlsccmom]

Sounds SO hard...I am shoulder to shoulder with you on paying the lawyer and being between a rock and a hard place.  The stuff with the toothache and the costumes sound so very manipulative.  Stay strong....

[Four&Me]

thank you.
 

Originally Posted by tccandlsccmom 

Sounds SO hard...I am shoulder to shoulder with you on paying the lawyer and being between a rock and a hard place.  The stuff with the toothache and the costumes sound so very manipulative.  Stay strong....

Originally Posted by Emilie2 

I hate it for ya mama.  Hang in there.

[Four&Me]

and it just got delayed again!! not cool!

[Four&Me]

i CAN believe that i wrote this post and update a month ago. because it got DELAYED AGAIN. this has been the 6th or 7th time. i dont now maybe 10??!!

and each time its because his lawyer doesnt bring the right paper or the father doesnt show up.

i have to pay my lawyer 50-100$ depending on how long we are sitting at the court. and they i get billed for all the correspondence that my attorney sends his.  

correspondence that says "HEY OTHER ATTORNEY CAN YOU SEND THOSE PAPERS THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SEND MONTHS AND MONTHS AGO???"""

btw his lawyer is free for him. and the father laughs and says the longer it goes on the more out of my pocket. very frustrating. 

[Super~Single~Mama]

Talk to your attorney about making a motion for Costs to be awarded since he is just dragging it out to cost you more money.

Also, even if he was showing up and acting in good faith, these things last FOREVER.  It's not unusual where I'm from for custody/visitation actions to take literally 2 or 3 years to resolve.

[Four&Me]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

Talk to your attorney about making a motion for Costs to be awarded since he is just dragging it out to cost you more money.

Also, even if he was showing up and acting in good faith, these things last FOREVER.  It's not unusual where I'm from for custody/visitation actions to take literally 2 or 3 years to resolve.

i had mentioned the motion for costs to my lawyer at some point for a different court thing with him, but my lawyer said *no* in a nice way to me. i thought it was because she would be stuck with the bill because he would never pay it. he owes me 6 years of childsupport.  

i will mention it to her again. not sure how to bring it up to her so that she will say ok this time. i guess she is my lawyer and has to? im not sure on the rules of that. i will bring it up and push for it.

ive been to court a 3 or 4 times for changes to the custody stuff and even the complicated ones always took just a couple months. this particular modification is simple. he received my revised copy and he made changes. and i have been waiting for the papers of the change he made. but thats been months. of waiting to just see the paper. 

im boring myself with this crabbing.  thanks for the reply. :)  if it turns out he will be billed then i really dont care. ill show up every month for 3 years. well, at least i wont care as much. and would like this over sooner then later anyways.