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[samstress]

just wondering how it's going.

-is it everything you expected?

-what's the best thing about motherhood?

-the worst (most challenging, perhaps)?

-what have you found surprising (in a really wonderful way)?

-what one thing do you wish someone had warned you about?

[Partaria]

Boy oh boy. It is soooo not what I expected.

I ended up with a difficult birth, very different than what I planned, and came home feeling traumatized, bewildered, in lots of physical pain, and just unable to cope. I fell into post partum depression within a few weeks of my son's birth and I feel like I am just now crawling out into the light.

I wasn't prepared for how completely needy he would be. I didn't know that babies don't smile at you for months. I didn't know breastfeeding could hurt like hell even if you were doing it right. I didn't know I was going to be recovering from a c-section, and that just holding him would be painful and difficult.

The best thing about motherhood, that I can see how that things are getting better, is watching my kid discover the world. He looks at trees like they are miracles. He is captivated by a dishtowel. Love it.

[samstress]

hugs mama.  you're experience sounds a lot like my first.  doesn't sound like i was in as much physical pain as you are/were, but i was definitely not well emotionally.  i hadn't prepared myself at all for the possibility of a c-section (who does).  there was no way that was going to happen to me and when it did and the dream birth i had imagined didn't become a reality, i was devastated.  looking back, i'm pretty sure i was also suffering from some depression, but just didn't or couldn't admit it.

i hear you on the breastfeeding as well.  i only saw women with these (what appeared to be) blissful nursing relationships with their babies and all i heard was how so-and-so was "nursing like a champ".  was so frustrating because i thought i was the only one having difficulty and i even started to believe my body wasn't cut out for motherhood (especially after the c-section). 

glad things are getting better and that you (and your little guy) are doing well. :)

[Partaria]

OMG I totally identify with that whole idea of not being cut out for motherhood. I had that same thought. Like oh, my body couldn't birth (c-section), and how, I'm having so much pain nursing. This is nature saying "you are not a mother." It's amazing how that kind of stuff can really mess with your head.

I agree, looking back I should've mentally prepped myself for the possibility of a c-section. But I just didn't. I honestly (arrogantly!) thought that it wouldn't happen to me because I was doing everything *right.* I went to a chiropractor through my pregnancy, I did yoga, I ate everything my midwife said to eat, I took walks, I went swimming, I got massages, I watched the Business of Being born about 80 times, I read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, I hired a doula, I planned a homebirth with the most respected midwife with the lowest hospital transfer rate in town. 

The bottom line is that birth isn't something anyone can control. I think a lot of the natural childbirth literature is marvelous. It's empowering and informative and wonderful. But I have to say, I think it sometimes (inadvertently) gives off the wrong message. And that's that if you make all the right moves, a c-section will not happen to you. I agree that often early inductions and the dance of unnecessary pitocin in hospitals can result in avoidable c-sections. But this does not mean that all c-sections are avoidable. I remember hearing a yoga instructor say "Okay now I'm going to show you some labouring positions you can do so that you won't have a c-section." Looking back, I feel rather angry at her for saying that. It leaves those of us who had c-sections thinking that somehow, if we had just done X or Y or maybe not done Z, then this wouldn't have happened. And that's a rabbit hole that no mom needs to go down, as it leads nowhere positive.

Boy, I just realized I really got on a soapbox there. Sorry for the rant! Whew, but that did feel good to get out.