Moving with a special needs child?

[lilypad08]

My husband and I are both working parents and are at a transition point in our careers where moving is an option. We have a daughter with SPD and are expecting baby #2 soon, and I think it would be a tremendous help to live closer to family (we are currently a 2-day drive from our families), especially since DH travels a lot for work.

However, DD has SPD and has a very tough time with transitions/changes, and I worry that the move will be traumatic for her and will make all of us miserable for who knows how long while she adjusts. We also like our preschool a lot, and it was really hard for us to find one that we were happy with, so I am worried about whether we'd be able to find something suitable where we are moving to (although it is a big city at least, so maybe that will help). DD adores her relatives, so I wonder if living near them, and the familiarity of their houses, etc., might help her adjust.

I'm really torn... Any advice or thoughts??

Thank you!

[Emmeline II]

Ds has difficulty with changes as a whole, but he actually liked moving.

I know what it's like to not want to mess with what is working, but if this is your one shot to make a move that you think will benefit your family in the long term, I'd do it. But...you said you think it would be a help to be near your families--how realistic do you think it is to get the type/level of support you want? Sometimes people do a move like this and they don't see their family any more often, don't get the type of support they were expecting,or they see them "too much."
 

[Linda on the move]

My DD is now in high school and we've moved repeatedly for my DH's job.

Some cities and climates have worked better for her than others. The move itself is always a bit bumpy.

As far as schools, I would carefully investigate the options in your target city before making a choice. I'd find out how the public schools handle special needs and if there are any private options. On our last move, we had our choice of 3 cities and made the decision based on the best school for our special needs child and we have zero regrets. It's awesome -- she's doing amazing. If someone had gotten to know my child and designed a school esp for her, this is exactly what the school would be like. (I'd be concerned about appropriate placement for elementary school, even though it's a couple of years off)

As far "being miserable for who knows how long," the more you have in place before the move, the easier it will be. Plan, Plan Plan. Have things arranged so she starts school and therapies right away and quickly gets into her new routine.

And hire people to do everything for YOU possible because it gives you more time and energy to help her.

In some ways, a big move is like pulling a band aid off. It hurts like the dickens when you do it, but the pain goes away very fast because you aren't actually injured.

[LauraLoo]

We moved when my children were almost 6 and 3.  On the suggestion from another mdc mama, we made a little photo album for the place we were moving to - photos of key things - new home, landmarks, etc.  And a photo album with pictures of the place we were moving from - friends, home, bedroom, special/favorite places, etc.  It seemed to help ease the transition -- the unfamiliar became familiar, and the beloved was now preserved and not forgotten.  Just an idea. 

[beachcomber]

A lot of kids with SN have problems adapting or being flexible when change looms. It's hard for NT kids, too. If you decide to move, there are many things you can do to prepare her. You can read books and stories about moving. Incorporate it into her dramatic play. Do drawings, art and other creative things that have the "moving" theme. Talk about animals that migrate and show her movies like Ice Age or Land Before Time, etc.

Also, if the act of packing and moving and unpacking will be really hard on her, then have her stay with relatives for that period. It will be hard, sure, but it will be consistent and constant - no upheaval of stuff everywhere or visual clutter.

[Roar]

It will be difficult but I would not let that fact stop you. Ultimately it sounds like you will be much happier and life will be easier when you are closer to family. Having more people to help out is worth so much and I think it would be worth whatever challenges you face in the transition. Your daughter being close to relatives is a wonderful thing for her even if the short term transition is difficult.

I agree with the suggestions of planning the transition, using social stories, having a photo album, planning to keep the day of the move as low stress as possible. Getting her room set up first can help a lot. And, beyond that I'd just say - be gentle with each other. Recognize it will be rough and try to be understanding. Do what you can to get into a routine at the new house. Don't panic if it seems like the adjustment is taking longer than you thought it would - ride it out.

[FarmerBeth]

I think you need to base the decision on what is best in the long term for the whole family, not just your SN child. Really look at the whole picture when planning and making your decision, as others have said. Along with knowing what the school was like when we moved, we really researched into recreation options, what sorts of community events were about, church and other spiritual options, volunteer opportunities, how far we would drive to work, if cost of living would be lower or higher and how that would influence decisions, etc. We really were able to have everything fall into place. Some things were still a long adjustment, my DS was especially anxious for a good while and he has just made a friend (rather than an acquaintance) this year two years after moving (he's on the spectrum, so he had difficulties with this even without moving).

The great thing about moving was that it gave us a clean slate. Some of the things we were doing as a family weren't working for us or our special needs child. Moving got us out of a rut and we had a chance to re-evaluate what was important to us and what activities or things we wanted to be part of our lives. We also discovered hidden gems that weren't even part of the plan, like a great young entrepreneur program and community leadership program, and some of the most active and involved senior citizens that are now part of our children's lives. Change can be stressful, but also renewing!