What do you do when you are really angry at your DO?

[kfillmore]

I will start by saying that I do my very best to practice scream free parenting and to treat her always with respect and gentleness.

But I don't know how to handle myself when I feel really angry. I mean the kind when you feel your rational self disappear. The kind where you want to scream and hit the wall and even fantasize about spanking. These time for me are most often ant nap or sleep time. Times when I am tired but she is like some crazy person and not falling asleep. I also get the angry feeling sometimes in the evening when she get a bit out of control.  I get even angrier because I get  angry at myself for not being one of those calm moms who have grace and a relaxed attitude!!  I DO realize my anger AND her ("bad") behavior are probably related to being tired. But I still need to handle it. How you you settle the rage? AM I the only one? I don't think so. I have seen other posts about mommy behaving badly. 

I need to know exacty what other moms do when you feel those feelings. 

thanks!!

[colsxjack]

I am not a Mom, I am a Dad, but I do get angry/enraged at my DD sometimes (she is almost 27 months).
What I do is different depending on the circumstance.
For nap time/sleep time I use steps WELL before I get to the stage of frustration. First off, I just lay with her and allow a certain amount of time for her to play, roll around, talk to her stuffies, talk to me, etc. I do very little interaction with her at this time. When I do speak back to her I whisper only. This usually gets her to whisper back to me instead of talking.
When it is starting to frustrate me or when I have decided that her talk/play time is up (about 10-15 minutes) I then just hum to myself rythmically and stop interacting with her at all. This helps me insure that I am not getting worked up. For one, it is somewhat meditative. And secondly, it is rhythmic and I can tell if I am speeding up the humming or it is getting louder. Then I slow it down again and know that I am staying even keeled. Eventually she bores, realizes I am not there to play with her and she goes to sleep. The whole thing usually takes 30-45 minutes.

When it comes to other times, like when she is awake and going bezerk and not listening and I am frustrated and have a short fuze I do other things. I find something fun for her or distracting. I take her outside and do sidewalk chalk. I put on the ceiling fan and blow bubbles. I make funny faces at her.. etc.
Or, if I am really out of control I put on one of the signing time videos and give myself a few minute time out and try to relax a minute and separate myself from the situation.
When it is an on-going thing and I have a lot of time to kill before someone can help (like before her mom comes home from work). Sometimes knowing it is another hour or two dealing with her and knowing it is going to take A LOT of eergy to do so makes me crazy. I then take her for a walk. We walk down our street and I let the world entertain her. I let her stop at every insect, every curb, every gate, whatever. Even if It takes us an hour to go one block it is less exhausting sometimes than entertaining her and keeping us both happy.

[lifeguard]

Honestly, these are the times I walk away. I go scream/cry in my bedroom & come back when I can handle myself better. Sometimes dh will step in when I leave so I don't have to go back at all.

I don't think it is bad for children to see that we get angry or have a hard time with our emotions but it's important for them to see us modelling appropriate behaviour in these situations. Being angry is normal/healthy so we shouldn't be striving to never be angry, but rather to show that sometimes, even as adults we need time out.

[organicviolin]

I do a combination of the previous posters. I put myself in a room quietly and say mama needs a break, I can't handle this right now. if I do yell, I say its because I'm so frustrated/angry and I'm sorry for that, but it's how I feel. For example, last night I was getting annoyed at something while making dinner so I grunted and made weird noises saying, I am sooo frustrated. DS thought it was hysterical. So I ended up letting go of my irritation but not at any one person and demonstrating a healthy way of letting those feelings go.

[maptome]

Exactly what we're going through over here. DD (26 months) is so sleep-deprived and then impossible to console or get to nap.  I just let her watch TV and take a break myself.  Otherwise we end up in a struggle and make each other more and more miserable.  I haven't found anything else that will interrupt her tantrum.  Sometimes we can walk outside in the stroller and she will calm down and even fall asleep, but it's mostly too hot outside.  Yes, she's sleep-deprived and getting worse and worse.  But it is HER will that is preventing her from getting enough sleep, and I don't want to get into a battle of wills with her.  I'm trying to prioritize our relationship above sleep at this point because it's just not going to happen.  It's frustrating.