Having kids: easier going from 0-1 or 1-2?

[Eavesdrop]

For those of you who have more than 1 child, was it easier going from 0-1 or 1-2? And why, if you feel like sharing.

Also, how far apart in age are they? Do you like the age gap?

[OSUvet]

Subbing because I think this is an interesting topic :) I just have one high needs 7 month old and going from 0-1 has been more difficult than I had anticipated!

[Linda on the move]

I think it really depends on the personalities of the babies involved and the whole situation.

Going from 0-1 was blissful for us. We were in our 30's and very ready. She was an easy baby. It was wonderful. We would just sit around and look at her and smile.

Going from 1-2 was a nightmare. They are only 19 months apart, and DD#2 screamed for most of the first year of her life. And we had a ton of other stresses -- everything from DD#1 having developmental issues to my father in law dying of cancer to moving cross country for my DH's job. It was a very rough year.

If DD#2 had been born first, it would have been the other way around. (Except that we might have stopped with just one child)

[Imakcerka]

None of it's easy, in my opinion.   My girls are 22 mos apart.  Same as my brother and I.  Really I should have noticed that my mother went nuts and taken that as an indication of how it may go for me... Oh well.  Happy they're mine. 

[Peony]

Both weren't exactly pleasant. DD1 spent her entire first year screaming her head off. DD2 ended up getting severely ill as a newborn and I spent most of her first year ignoring DD1 while trying to handle of all DD2's medical needs. You just never know how things will turn out, never thought those would be my experiences. Than goodness they were almost 4 years apart or else 1-2 would of been worse then it already was. 

[JFTB1177]

I have 3 kids, a 5 year old, 2.5 year old, and a 7.5 month old.

For ME, going from 0 to 1 was the most "shocking", I really wanted to be a mom but the reality of taking care of another human being 24/7 when I only had to take care of myself was hard. Once my 1st was an older baby it got a lot easier.

When I had my second, my first was almost 3. That spacing was a lot easier then when I had my 3rd. My 2nd child was 23 months when I had #3 and it's been hectic to say the least!!! The thing is, you get used to the chaos lol. Or as I like to call it "controlled chaos". This question is interesting b/c I've been asking the same thing about going from 3 to 4 haha (not PG yet, just curious!)

I will say this though... having 2 is more fun than 1, and having 3 is more fun than 2. A lot of work, hell yeah. But worth it.

[MammaG]

I have three boys. I think the biggest factor is the personality of the child, followed by how close in age they are. For us it went like this: #3 was easy-peasy; #1 was certainly an adjustment, but pretty darn easy; #2 was hell on Earth (we love him dearly nonetheless).

Just like LindaOnTheMove, we had #2 pretty close to the first one. They are 17 months apart. #2 was also fussy and needy and both kids were nursing through the night for months after the second was born, so I wasn't exactly on top of my game. It was hard. DH and I nearly divorced, it was such a mess.

Then, nearly four years and some therapy later, we had #3 and it's been like a honeymoon for the whole family. Both big boys were old enough to be really interested in the baby, both are big helpers, especially my sunshiny boy #1, and we as parents are just pretty darn relaxed. We're holding on to every moment of babyhood for this one! He's nearly two.

We also used to joke that if #2 were a firstborn he'd be an only. Now I think I want a fourth! Just need to convince DH, who loves having three and wants to stop on a positive note.

I also think in particular the adjustment to #1 really depends on the parents. I was a nanny for 10 years before I had my first and I think that helped because I was pretty prepared......even though having your own is totally different than nannying. At least I wasn't freaked out about diapering and holding a newborn and snuffly breathing. And I knew what 'stuff' I wanted and could live without.

[mommariffic]

This thread is only slightly depressing ; ) 

Going from 0-1 was a huge shocker for me. DD was a high needs baby, but I was also such a new mom (checking to make sure she was breathing 498x a night..) and just generally driving myself insane with the "am I doing this right" thoughts. But once she was out of baby-hood it was easier and we had another when she was juuust about to turn 3. Baby 2 was a breeze! He's an "easy baby" (although he's almost 15 months now..) and the spacing was perfect. DD plays with him, and was interested with very little/if any jealousy. And as a second-time-around momma I was much, much more relaxed. It was a better experience! 

[XanaduMama]

0-1 was a shock and a half. ds was incredibly high needs and his first year was way, way harder than I'd expected.

1-2 was a breeze. They're 27mo apart and the gap works well for us, though I'd now say it's a *minimum* gap. ds was a lot more mature at 27mo than most other kids his age (I now realize), so that helped. dd was a super easy baby and I was 500% more confident and prepared, so...

Contemplating 2-3 right now...

[Mom31]

0-1 was definently more challenging for me.

[Eresh]

1-2 definitely easier for us. Ds1 is "spirited" and he and DH are so alike they are really good at pissing each other off. Ds2 is such an easy little dude. . They are 2y8mo apart.

[zell0811]

It's funny that you guys are talking about this...I just logged on to post about what a rough time I'm having with these two kids.

I'm going to say that 1-2 is waaaaay harder for me. I have two boys. 3 1/2 years and 9 weeks.

I thought my older son was a pretty easy baby. But he turned into a high needs toddler/preschooler. He was, is, and always has been REALLY clingy to me. Which is generally my biggest challenge with him. But as an infant, I was fine with it. Babies are small and light, so it's not hard to carry them around 24/7. But a 34 lb three year old? Phew! He always had a hard time sleeping, too. But back then, I had the time and patience to work with him on it. He's got a lot of anxiety, which I think is genetic from both sides of our family. But in general, none of this stuff was hard for me to help him with.

That is until #2 was born. Then all of a sudden, I felt like my older son wasn't my baby anymore. I had a new baby that actually NEEDED me to carry him. I feel guilty, but I'm completely frustrated with my older son's lack of independence. I know he's going through an emotional time right now (new baby, new house, new school) but I don't feel the same way I did when he was my only child. I am ready for him to learn a little independence, and he is just backpedaling. I can't even leave the room to pee with out him wanting to come with me. I thought we were past that a year and a half ago. We need to find balance.

Meanwhile, my baby #2 is easier than I knew babies could be. He goes with the flow. He doesn't cry much. He smiles a lot. He nurses well. For goodness sake, he only poops once every two days. I'm having a hard time as a mom of 2. If he were as needy as my three year old, I'd be tearing my hair out. I hope continues to be chill! But I also hope that his brother doesn't always steal the stage from him.

Maybe it's just me being easily stressed out. But goodness, I hope this two-kid thing gets easier!

[Alphaghetti]

I have three kids. The first two are 27 months apart, and my second and third are 26 months apart.  I very strongly feel that going from 0-1 was by far more difficult than adding an extra child, either time.  The actual transition into a parent was very hard for me, and I laugh all the time about how horrible I thought it was to have to dress one child and take her places. I remember how much of a chore it seemed at the time, but it is NOTHING compared to having to get three ready to go on the same excursion. Somehow though, it just seemed to get easier with my second. Two to three was a little hard, but mostly because ds was incredibly high needs, and never transitioned well into or out of anything.

They are 11, 9 and 7 now. Believe me when I tell you, life is so easy now. :)

[amandaleigh37]

Going from 0 to 1 was tough, but not that bad because it was mostly exciting and fun doing everything for the first time :)

Going from 1 to 2 was very rough. I felt bad that my first child (2.5yo) had to share me, when he was so used to being with just me every day. I felt bad that the baby had to spend more time in the bouncy seat than his brother ever did. I felt awful when one of them would need me and have to wait.... It felt like a huge adjustment, leaving the house, etc.... The first 6 months or so were kind of a blur and I was very stressed.

Going from 2 to 3 is much easier! My #3 is only a few weeks old, but this time has seemed SO much easier. I think it helps that #1 and #2 have each other, and can play and help each other out while I am tending to the baby. Also I think I am much more relaxed now and that seems to have rubbed off on everybody else :)

[scottishmommy]

1-2 has been way easier for us. The girls are 2 years 9 months apart.