Ds is 7. He has SPD, likely ADHD and/or PDD-NOS. Emotional regulation has always been an issue for him, and we have worked on managing meltdowns for years. Usually, there is an upset, disappointment, or transition trigger. I have always said that screen time is extremely bad for him and stimulates things in his brain that make it very hard to tear away. Thus, screen time is also a trigger and he gets very little.
Today, he had a fabulous day at school. Phew. I dropped him off at my parents' for a couple of hours while I went to work. When my husband came to pick him up, he had a meltdown Now, I'm not trying to make excuses, I'm just reflecting a bit, but 1) he always has a hard transition leaving my parents', 2) they'd allowed him to be on the computer, 3) plans had to be changed because dh was held late at work, so instead of dh bringing pizza over there to eat, they had to rush home to practice piano.
When I talked to my mom after work, I had the impression that this was a "rage" like we'd never seen before. She kept saying she expected the cops to show up and she said dh had to restrain ds. What I talked to dh, though, he said it was his typical meltdown - extremely loud wails (that's his style), thew himself on the floor kind of meltdown. He said that ds did hit the computer keyboard out of anger once, but then he just threw himself on the floor. Dh said it "felt bigger" because there were 3 adults, 2 children, 2 dogs (one who was barking and nipping at him when he started yelling), 2 large chairs, a huge tv, and a computer all in one room. Dh said ds needed space and he didn't have any. He also said he did not restrain him at any point (we've never had to); when the intensity was over, he lifted ds up from the floor.
Again, I'm not excusing the behavior, but in some ways I kind of see how the odds were set against him once things were set in motion. I feel like my mom is intentionally blowing things out of proportion in order to advocate for medication. (Everyone has their own feelings about meds. At this point, I have my reasons for not wanting to go there, but it's almost like my mom sees it as personal quest to "win" on this issue.) Then she told me that if ds wasn't still shaken up by that, then something was wrong.
I got home to find that once he had cycled through (a matter of about 10 minutes total), he'd come home, practiced his piano well, eaten dinner, and was getting ready for bed. I was kind of glad to find that he had recovered and pulled his night together, rather than staying in a negative or upset place. But does that mean that something more is wrong?? He's certainly an empathetic kind of guy - not a sociopath, and not bi-polar looking when I look at the definition. Are these meltdowns so old-school to dh and me that we're immune to their intensity?
