happy day to all!
Queer and Pregnant: October, November and December - Page 27
Okay I'm going to ruin a good thing by typing this! Addi will go to sleep without nursing first, or in the least, doesn't always nurse to sleep. Now just remember that it is usually easy to get this baby to sleep, my baby doesn't stay asleep (see you can't have it all)!!!! And in the last month as her separation anxiety has heightened, she needs to be by one of us to sleep for any decent length of time.
What worked for us, and has since she was little, started at her bed time routine. She has a bath, we get her dressed, she nurses for about 5 minutes if I'm lucky, then she pops off and I give her a soother and she falls asleep in my arms. Bedtime is about 20 minutes and the bath is about 1/2 of it. Part of it is timing. We're really trying to stick to a schedule to regulate her sleep, so at 7pm she's ready to go to bed for the night. If she doesn't want to go to sleep right away in my arms (as in 5 or 10 minutes), I'll set her down beside me (we bedshare) and she eventually falls asleep (maybe in 5 to 10 minutes). She's always touching one of us, as in she reaches for us with her hands.
I've started at naptime trying to put her down while sleepy into her crib and sing her to sleep. Or rock her to sleep while singing and a soother in her mouth. That worked pretty well until this last month as we've been sick, teething and she's been velcroed to my hip. The last week or two have been a solo sleep for her morning nap (20-40 min) and a lap nap in the afternoon (2 hours). A lap nap increases her sleep time from 30-ish minutes to two hours.
So while she doesn't nurse to sleep, it unfortunately for us doesn't mean she isn't still physically all over me. Anyone doing good in that department?
Isa - Great ultrasound pics!!!
Mami - Congrats on Layla's arrival. She's beautiful.
Escher - You should be good on bras now. My size did fluctuate, but in a good way, as I lost more weight my band size became more comfortable. Cup size fluctuated throughout the day and I never had a problem with that.
MizYellow, Sara and Seraf - Lovely pictures. You have such handsome little fellows!
Gotta run! Storytime calls!!!
Good morning all.
Seraf: Such personality in that kid (mellow though he may be). He is clearly fascinated by his surroundings. And nice undies! I should add that I'm thrilled for you that he is a happier easier newborn than your first two were (especially A). I'm also curious to see who your next little one turns out to be!
As for Lilah, I am trying to take each 20 minute nap at a time and enjoy this time with her. I could use a little more alone time than that but would manage perfectly well...if it weren't for work. I'm under some serious pressure to complete manuscript revisions, to prepare presentations, to comment on grad student work, and to plan my spring classes. I just want all of it to go away (except for the manuscript revisions, which I often enjoy), but my income is the primary one in the household, and I've got to deal. I try to be thankful that my work is as flexible as it is and to accept that I can only do the best I can do...but it does make the short naps more frustrating. I'm more zen with L than I was with Z, though--probably a product of age.
And as for traditions, since I'm cooking for the first time this year, I'm making some of my family's old favorites, including the "green stuff" (green bean casserole) and the "red stuff" (layers of jello with cranberries, pineapple, strawberries and sour cream). This is not my usual whole-foods fare, but I'm super nostalgic and really excited!
I feel awful saying this, but I don't see a whole lot of personality yet. He mostly just sleeps. He does love to look around, so mostly I just tell him what I think he is looking at and how beautiful he is. LOL.
I can see how you would need more time for work. That sounds like a hard situation.
And yum. I'm all about tradition on thanksgiving. Your red stuff sounds great.
He seems much better. I would be pretty upset to have to cut his hair. PITA that it is, I know he loves it and if it's going to be cut I would really like to see it donated. It's really pretty hair.
The problem is that no one else can get her to sleep without major prolonged screaming (with the one exception of the stroller, but she wakes up as soon as the stroller stops moving, so that is of limited utility). I also think that she is waking and crying rather than settling back down to sleep since she has to be sucking to sleep. And she doesn't take a pacifier. Hmm...I was hoping you'd have ideas. Anyone else?
If she could fall asleep without nursing for you she still may not for anyone else. A was nightweaned and I was badgered to totally wean her to make life easier for when she had to go to sleep with other people. It didn't help at all. L is starting to learn that things are different with different people. She will learn that sleep is different with grandma and mommy.
I have only known babies who fell asleep with nursing, bink, walking, swing. The twins I used to keep binked in their beds. The second set were slung and sung to sleep. Osh was a stroller boy. Can the stroller keep moving? Would it work if you tapped it with your foot repeatedly? Or kept your feet on the axle while rocking or gliding? My kids, when they stopped nursing to sleep it was in the crook of my arm in the bed, rocking side to side, patting their bum and singing. I wouldn't call it easy. It gradually changed to just patting and singing and then just singing, but it took a lot of time.
Gumshoe, isn't it funny how much longer they sleep on a nice warm mom?
Mami, So cute! Is that her going home outfit? I left the hospital on Thanksgiving, too.
AFM, Sara is out of town until Sunday. Thanksgiving was tiny. We only had 12 people total. That's 1/2 to 1/3 what we usually get. The food was good even tho no one came. I'm excited for leftovers.
It was only when G got to be about a year old that she would go to sleep without nursing. Even now, she needs to nurse or bottle before bed just as part of her cue system. But from early on, we'd have a fan on in her room, close the curtains so it was dark, and nurse/sing as we calmed her. Eventually (and totally on her OWN time) she got to where she just understood what she had to do and we could put her down when she was not yet asleep. She's 18 months and still wakes during the night... sometimes needs nursing and once in a while we can tell her it's time to go back night night and we lay her down and sing and pat her back. She definitely has developed easier sleep habits over time, but it's on her OWN time, not necessarily the timing we would have chosen, haha.
Well, this Thanksgiving I was sick as a dog. I made it to family Thanksgiving at my brother and sister in law's only because I took a bunch of medications (decongestant, tylenol, Zofran.) Not my usual style, but I was a MESS. I have a terrible cold and the mucus dripping down my throat makes me gag and irritates my stomach more than it already is. I had to lay down while waiting for dinner, and then during dinner my BIL kept laughing about how zoney I looked. Yup, it was pretty bad, but the meal was nice anyway, even if I could only stomach a few bites of rich food.
KS, sounds like you were miserable. Hope you feel better soon.
Couple more pics from the last couple of weeks, cuz you know I'm obsessed and I finally loaded some from my camera.
She was singing, "Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are, you are a baby, your are a baby, your are a bay-ay-ay-ay-ayby!"
Starling, not to give away exactly how lazy I am, but before you do something as drastic as sitting up have you tried laying down with him sitting up? We nurse like that at least once most nights. Kind of like in the following pic, but with his rump closer to my underarm and his head facing his snack, obviously. I couldn't take a pic of him nursing that way, my arm just isn't long enough, so I hope this pic gives you an idea of what I'm talking about.
Crazy thing I have not mentioned yet, I've lost 30 pounds now. I'm glad I gained as much as I did because I know a few of the pounds I have left are the huge knockers to feed the kid. I still have a poochy belly but my belly is smaller than my breasts and I can fit into some of my pre-pregnancy pants. I have been back in them since 4 days postpartum. I even have cheekbones again! And my feet and ankles are so slender and delicate again! Woo!
Edited by seraf - 11/25/11 at 1:12pm
Only a minute to type~ scrolling the computer screen makes me violently ill! Woke up Wednesday and started barfing~ that and a 100 degree temp sent me to the doctor where they diagnosed me with an ear infection!?!? No ear pain, just crazy amounts of nausea, apparently caused by inner ear disturbance. It got better but is worse again, compounded by the fact that I am SO HUNGRY I spent all last night dreaming about cheeseburgers and grapes. Really ruining holiday break, though, so that's nice.
I also don't think there's a way to get a baby to sleep without nursing. Alice knew I was in the house (even though I hid in the other room) and wouldn't nap until she got boob.
Here's a pic, though, to join in the cuteness.
MAMI~ Your baby is so lovely~ congratulations.
Happy holidays to all of you 'down there' :)
Wanted to join in the cute pic sharing and share an US photo.
Hope you all are enjoying your holiday (so sorry library that you aren't feeling well).
Just ordered a cute newborn down for this babe. I wanted to buy one thing new and had my eye on this parade gown since we started trying :)
Can someone point me in the direction of some longies making instructions? From old wool sweaters or knitting (both prefered!) Seraf? others?
We are painting our room (and therefore 'nursary') as we cosleep. I'm already thinking about washing the babe clothes and putting them away. 24 weeks and some serious nesting urges over here. Probably because it is getting so cold. I figure it is a nesting plus hibernation urge combined.
personals later - just wanted to say hey! and please everyone, keep posting your pics :) they make my day!
omom ... That picture is PRICELESS!
Seraf ... That is exactly how i spend a good portion of the night, propping H up just like so. Works like a charm. I refuse to get up.
library ... hope you feel better soon! And Alice looks just like you! How cute.
My older one only stopped nursing to sleep in the last month or so, so I'm no good for advice or tips. Heck, I'm looking for my own solutions to that!
OneMommy: What a fantastic ultrasound photo! I research and write about women and girls in the 1940s and '50s and have always loved that Rosie the Riveter image. Beautiful that your tiny one already shares a little something in common with that symbol of powerful womanhood.
KS, Seraf, Starling, and Gumshoe: Thanks for sharing your accounts of how babies you've known have gotten to sleep. It is helpful to read what other babies need and do and is a great reminder of how wide a range of patterns fall within "normal." My two nieces are ridiculously easy babies, especially re sleep. In both cases (2.5 yrs old and 9 mo), my sister-in-law (or my brother, my mom, etc.) sees that they are showing sleepy signs and then puts them into their bed/crib. In both cases (when the older one was a baby and currently for the 9 mo old), they hang out in the crib, possibly fuss a bit (without crying), and eventually go to sleep. She nurses them when they wake up, not before bed. While I know intellectually that this isn't at all normal or reasonable to expect, I think I was feeling discouraged that L is...well...needier and harder to help with sleep. But you all remind me that I am not alone! Thank you.
As for us, I've come up with a plan. Since this is a long-term process, I thought I'd start encouraging other sleep associations in addition to nursing. I've been swaddling L before sleep for a few weeks, so I'm keeping that up, and then rocking her in the glider while she nurses in the dark, and I'm also using either a sound machine (ie, my phone) or my voice (repetitive sh). I think that covers all 5 of Karp's Ses (since she's nursing on her side, swinging/gliding, sucking, swaddles, and sh-ing). I'm hoping that over time, this will help her get to sleep even if she isn't nursing. We also do this in her room (where the glider is), with the plan of her eventually sleeping in her crib at least some of the time. For now, once she is mostly asleep, I'm taking her to our bed and laying down with her for a few minutes. Usually, I have to nurse her a bit more, but once yesterday she didn't need to nurse even after the transfer. So that's the plan. We'll see how it goes.
Library: Alice is painfully adorable. Her round face and huge eyes are exquisite, and that red hair is awesome. Hope you are enjoying your extra days with her.
Seraf: You are inspiring me to see if I can get my Mei Tai carrier on Z. I bet I can. She's big. I love the accounts of what the kids are saying/doing with S.
KS: So sorry you were so sick for Turkey Day. What a bummer. Hope it has let up a bit now.
Mami: What a lovely little girl! I'm impressed you had the persistence to get her so dressed up (shoes and everything!). Are you going to pierce her ears? Are you home and settled now? How are things going with everyone at home?
I'm cooking Thanksgiving dinner today, since my in-laws are back in town. The red stuff is setting, so off to the green stuff! I'm making pumpkin pie from scratch for the first time (and froze some extra pureed pumpkin for Lilah down the road). We got a turkey from a local turkey farm and are going to cook it on a counter-top electric rotisserie that we usually use for chickens. I'm excited to see how it all turns out, though this much cooking is a bit stressful with a needy baby (and a partner who is grading frantically--ugh). Hope everyone is having a peaceful weekend.
Seraf - thanks so much - I think I will go the sewing route. I'm pretty sure we have some sweaters that are ready to be remade so this should be great. Thanks! I didn't really experiment with wool until my DS was 2. I realized that I love it. I'm sure I'll love it more with a little bum that produces less pee too. My DD is almost two big for her prefolds and motherease diapers. She soaks them in one go... anyways - I'm looking forward to trying them more on an infant.
It is a parade organic gown - that is the company name. It is just a brown gown that has the elastic bottom that comes over the feet that makes diaper changes in the night kinda awesome (compared to footies or something). My DD slept in just a diaper and shirt alot but it was warmer when she was born.
Thanks Amanda and Starling :) I looked at the US photo and that is what I thought of. Had to put them together :)
Nursing to sleep...
My SIL was able to nurse both sides and lay her son in the crib and just leave - and he'd fall asleep. She started around 1 year old and he adapted pretty fast. They did something like the Pantley book with the going in and patting the back and checking in every once and awhile. That LO is really adaptable and relaxed in general though.
DD (2.5 ys) used to nurse completely down - which took 30-45 minutes of my awesome, patient, superwoman DWs time every night. My DW really started resent the nursing - lots of pulling and nusling because not alot of supply as she only nurses 3 times a day right now. Now she nurses once on each side, then they cuddle, and often end up rocking to sleep. MY DW loves this new way because it isn't a constant nursing situation, and she feels like more of a mom and less of a food dispenser.
Our next step is to nurse both sides, then leave her in the room in bed alone for chunks of time. Right now DW leaves the room to get water each night for 2 minutes and DD just lies there in bed. Then they snuggle a little and DW leaves to go 'pee' for a few minutes. Gradually we will extend that time longer and do it more often to see if she will just go to sleep. Then we hope to remove the nursing and just have her lay in bed after the bedtime routine and book reading. This is our get out of nursing to sleep plan. We don't have a time line though. And we have no idea if it will work, but it feels like the natural progression at this point (anyone? seraf? what happened with your older children?)
Having said all this - we really didn't try to encourage her to find other ways to fall asleep. There were definately points in her development that would have been good times to try - when she wasn't teething or in a particularly attached time. As a young newborn she was able to nurse then be put on the bed awake and would sleep. We jsut didn't like to do it, we wanted to snuggle her to sleep (we had no idea that this would mean we'd still be doing it now! :) ). So we didn't encourage it, and she didn't learn. Probably she could have... if this babe is similar, we might experiment more with it this time. We will see :)
AHope—this is not a terrifically fun option, but does she suck on peoples’ fingers? Our friends’ baby wouldn’t use a binkie, but anyone could shove a finger in her mouth and she’d be perfectly content to suck on that. Maybe an idea?
Seraf—oooo….cheekbones. I miss those. Every picture of myself (already!) makes me feel like a marshmallow. One day, maybe they’ll come back again…
OMOM—hilarious! I love the comparison!
Sorry everyone is so sick! I thought ear infections only happened to the kiddos, not the mamas! I hope you’re all feeling better! And the holiday outfits are making my morning—bring em on!
AFM—1st baby shower was this weekend. DP’s aunt hosted and did an amazing job! Tons of cute decorations, little themed cookies, homemade cake balls (she used to own a cookie and cake shop—so we knew that part would be good), silly games. There were about 15 of us there, mostly DP’s aunties and cousins, but my grandmother came and seemed tickled by the idea of a new baby in the family, which was nice. The rest of the weekend was lots of ups (swamp buggy ride! Trips to the zoo and the beach!) and downs (ranging from 2am walmart clothes shopping when our luggage didn’t arrive to finding out that one of my aunts has cancer and no one knows any more than that yet) mixed in with plenty of holiday anxiety. Overall, I’d say it was a good weekend, but I wish we had more time to visit so we could spread out the tension over a longer period of time. Today’s the day we break up with our OB, so I’m a little nervous…
Isa: Good luck with the OB breakup. I know that you'll love W Sub, but it is too bad that your current doc can't deliver there. I hate those kinds of conversations. Glad the shower and trip went ok. I cringed about the luggage and wee hours W-mart shopping. Ugh.
Seraf: Wool is a good idea, for diapers and pants. It just doesn't seem to me that fleece pants always keep L warm. Tops are better because I put her in a base layer underneath, but her legs always seem chilly to me in fleece when it is cold out. I really don't sew, though...may have to search around online (or learn to sew).
OMom: Thanks for sharing your perspective and experience on nursing to sleep.
Upside: cooking T-giving was really nice, especially the delicious turkey from a local turkey farm (so much flavor!). Also, Lilah is being more mellow than usual (when I'm around, anyway) and is so incredibly sweet and adorable right now I could cry just thinking about it. She recognizes me from across the room, and her whole face lights up. She just started really laughing, usually at Z's silly or startled faces or at anything that jumps (dog, mommy, etc.). Her laugh is earthy and delightful. Finally, a local midwife who did some of our IUIs had a baby who has a blood infection, but she has very little milk to help her heal, so I gave her about 50 oz. The babe has to be in the hospital for 10 days being treated, but she is getting better, and I'm thrilled to have been able to help a bit with that. I'm liking this milk donor thing. I just wish I had more milk to donate; I can't stomach pumping more than once or twice a day.
Downside: Painful argument with DP an hour before guests arrived for T-giving dinner and in front of her parents. She is so stressed out between work, the baby, and my usual overdrive mode (as revealed in the T-giving dinner). We have radically different energy levels, and that makes for a lot of pain and frustration for both of us. She is in grading hell right now, so I'm hoping that between my working harder to protect her time and grades getting in about 10 days from now, she'll feel better. Z asked what we were arguing about, and I answered her as neutrally and honestly as I could.
Other downside: I have VERY little patience with Z right now. Has anyone else with older kids experienced this after the birth of a little one? It feels like every interaction with Z is loaded with emotional complexity, psychological challenges, and power struggles. Even the difficult moments with Lilah seem dramatically easier and more nourishing. I feel seriously guilty about this.
Off to give a short campus talk on the history of menstruation ;-).
Good afternoon~ Busy morning yes, I was feeling better JUST IN TIME to go back to work. Awesome. Stealing a moment to say hello and thanks for all the kind words about my little turkey baby. She's quite a treat, I must say.
OMOM~ I also LOVE your photo set!! That is ideal. Can't wait to see pix of your sewing projects!
AHope~ Big hugs about your family strain. The holidays are so exhausting and wracking anyway, and baby stress and then argument stress. UGH! On the other hand, I'd be very interested in your history of menstruation. Youtube?
Isa~ That is truly a roller coaster of weekend events, you're right. I wish I could go on a swamp buggy ride! (Though I hope never to be at walmark at 2 am). I'm glad you had a fun shower . I loved ours so much.
AFM~ Feeling better, as I said. Finally stopped being dizzy and subsequently began shoving all possible food into my face as fast as possible. SO RAVENOUS. DP hung Christmas lights on the house, and got out all the advent calendars. She surprised my Grinch-ass self with a Lego Star Wars advent calendar with a different figure or little ship for every day of December. SO EXCITED! Alice's second tooth cut through, and though she has never even tried to crawl, she pulled herself up to standing and is apparently going to go from zero to triathalon. As soon as she pulled herself to her feet, DP yelled 'NOT UNTIL AFTER CHRISTMAS!! WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO KEEP HER OUT OF THE TREES!!!' Now I'm hiding in the library hoping for no ignunce between here and xmas break.
LOVE TO ALL xxoxoooxxxoooxo
Good afternoon all.
EZ, I heard a song with Jagger's name in it. How are y'all doing? Safely home and all?
Mami, how are things going for you and your new and improved family?
Julie, are things getting easier?
Escher, what are you reading and singing to your babe?
Indigo, how was your long weekend?
OMOM, I laughed about your food dispenser comment. I remember thinking my kids only loved me for my rack.
On woolies, I think the knit and crochet ones are much cuter, but I'm still too lazy. I remember O soaking his mothereaze, too. And S can soak through a prefold already (tho the prefold can hold more pee, I change because I like him dry, but he can soak through at least 8 layers no problem). I fell in love for wool for myself, actually. Disliked it greatly when the big kids were little. It's so very warm and dry. I even have wool long johns, made from this tute.
When O was a young toddler, we did the nurse and then go pee, go get a drink. It worked until I got pregnant and was asleep before he was. A was rocked in bed when I stopped nursing her to sleep. We also did books on CD so we would lay in the dark and listen to stories until they fell asleep. We did that for years. I never cared about being out of the room while they fell asleep because they had a pretty late bedtime. Once Sara came into the picture things changed, I guess. Right now we brush teeth at 8, read stories, they blow out the lights and Sara and I check our email or read in their room until A falls asleep in her own bed. Well, now I also nurse the baby. A generally has to complain for the last few minutes before she falls asleep. Too hot then too cold then too hot again and snoring. We generally go into our room and watch something on Netflix after and we never thought O cared until one night we went out into the kitchen and he came out of his room about 20 minutes later crying that he wished we were in our room like normal (the rooms are attached).
Isa, You dumping the doc because of the hospital? It sounds like a mostly lovely time over the weekend.
Library, Yay for standing, but trees? Like, plural?
AmandaHope, I agree about fleece not being as warm. I think it's not as tight together, so the wind can blow right through. I like it for keeping my house dry, tho.
I love that L recognizes you and laughs. S only laughs when I start to pull up my shirt, that weird nervous laugh that babies do when they're excited to nurse.
I'm not feeling major impatience yet. I also didn't get all that emotional, tho. I think 9 year olds are hard all by themselves. She is coming into so much more, I don't know, stuff. I think girls also give more of a run for your money. I mean, O has never had the emotional complexity his sister was born with. It's like comparing a lab and a dachshund. One is just more "roll with it" than the other. If O has food, water and a periodic table, he's happy. A needs so much more out of life right now. And she's not even 9 yet. She hates the baby every time she doesn't get her way. She asks every day when it will be time to go back to Mama's. She wishes she didn't have to switch back and forth, she wishes she just lived with her Mama right now and visited me every now and then (in all fairness, she said she wishes she lived full time at either house, but then I asked if she would miss whoever she didn't live with and she said, "Well, I would visit you sometimes."} My heart is kind of broken over that but I hope that all settles down once the hormones in our house settle down again.
On the other hand, O's funny line of the week was, "Mama never lets us blow stuff up in the house." He was back on his hydrogen generating kick and I was looking into where to get supplies.
Things here are mostly good. Sara and S are napping. The kids are with their Mama. Sara felt movement for the first time today. She is a day shy of 17 weeks. I need to get a belly pic of her.
Here are some pics of the cute one. Playing on the bed after a diaper change, playing hide and seek with the kids, kicking in a onesie that is getting too small already and modeling his new gnome hat.
Seraf: Yum...love that one of S all wrapped up in his green towel. And he looks so comfy in the first one in his dipe and matching purple hat and shirt. He seems quite curious and perhaps serious? I hear you about your heart hurting over A's mixed feelings about her growing family. That would be hard for me to hear, too, though I imagine she'll adjust...just in time to do it again, huh? This must be a challenging if wonderful time for you and your beautiful blended family.
I got inspired by your woolies and just had a blast bidding on a flash online auction for my favorite local natural parenting shop, and I won a pair of home-made funky longies. They are blue and black with a skull on the butt. Hah. Not exactly L's usual style (tons of pink, flowers, and butterflies from our generous friends who have handed down their girls' clothes), but I'm excited to keep her butt dry and legs warm. So you put the wool over a fitted cloth diaper? And you just rinse out the wool pants and hang them up to dry, right? And then wash with lanolin wash every few weeks? I thought that's what the owner of the store told me last time I asked. I got a great deal on two nursing camisoles, too. Didn't mean to do so much shopping tonight...
Library: Yikes! Tell her she should try crawling first!
AmandaHope, too fun on getting wool. It was my understanding that you lanolize them every few weeks and you only have to wash when they start to smell or get poo on them, which should not be very often. Maybe OMOM or Escher will chime in, I think she is using wool right, mine is not lanolized because I'm a lazy, dis functional diaperer. It was on my list of things to do but the baby came before I got around to it and I'm still underwater with cooking, cleaning and laundry that I haven't gotten around to many extra tasks. But they say the lanolin does something with the pee to neutralize it or something but I always thought it just kept the wool from absorbing it. Other people say the wool actually absorbs pee, but I don't really believe that. I would love to see a pic!
Isa, I have never heard of cake balls. I looked them up. Something new to try.
Library, O started pulling up to stand about a month before he started crawling. There is still time.
Edited by seraf - 11/29/11 at 9:17am