Just dropping in real quick to say GOOD LUCK!! to KS! I hope this first round works perfectly and you don't have to go through all this again. Fingers crossed!!
Also, Carmen, you are on my mind tonight. I'm sorry you are so hesitant and feeling like this pregnancy isn't viable. However, you did get TWO positives, so I just thought I'd let this little guy out. Regardless of whatever may end up happening... you are pregnant and deserve at least one, tiny little vegetable who is dancing his ass off for you.
MrsPP, so sorry about AF. It sounded so promising! Next time.
Tilly, welcome! It's great to have some fresh faces... er, names, in here.
We're at the tail end of 6 DPO today. I wanted to thank everyone for their support in regards to my concerns and drama and doubts. I appreciate you all so very much. It was mentioned to me that I haven't been quite myself lately (by my mom, lol) and I hadn't even noticed that I was becoming more and more bitter and short with the people I care about, as well as overly critical and just... angry, I guess. I hate that. I don't want to be that way, and the fact that I hadn't noticed really scares me. I don't want to be that person, at all. I have so many things to be thankful for, and I need to get a grip and get over myself.
Seraf, I particularly wanted to thank you because everyone always tells us that parenting our own kids will be different and better, but nobody has ever really been able to articulate how it's different and better. Of course I understand that parenting our own children will be different than parenting these two... but since foster kids are the only ones we've parented, it's really impossible to know what having our own will be like. Your talking about the bonding and the relationship foundation makes so much sense and I appreciate you.
With distance inevitably comes perspective. I'm feeling better, and I hope my wife is feeling better (though she may be less than pleased with me at the moment, since I hijacked the computer to talk to you all and she's gone on to bed). We love our foster children, and I think that having this community has made me feel so comfortable that I feel like it's one of my few outlets to complain in. I never mention how funny these little ones are, or how cute, or how amazing it is when they want to come to us and cuddle just because it's safe and comfortable. I sometimes need to remind myself of all the wonderful things they have brought to our lives, as well. I accept that they are going home to their mother, and that we are a blip on their radar. I accept that it's likely they will never remember us. I accept that there isn't a single thing I can do for them once they leave our home... but until they leave, I can help teach them. I can help them get caught up, I can try my hardest to give them every advantage possible. They aren't going to be here much longer, and I feel incredibly torn by knowing that. Knowing that once they leave, we can have our own permanent family... but once they leave, they'll take a piece of me with them.
Hopefully by the time they leave, my wife will be growing a baby of our own.
Thank you all again, for listening to me whine and worry. Thank you for celebrating with us, for understanding and supporting. Thank you all for being there. Much love to you and yours, from me and mine.