Originally Posted by katroshka
Well, as someone who also was the victim of sexual abuse in my teens, I would just like to say to all the people jumping all over APToddlerMama that you don't represent all sexual abuse survivors.
Considering many sexual abuse survivors aren't childhood sexual abuse survivors (which is a very different dynamic from abuse/assault when one is older), I can't imagine why any of us would think that we were representing all sexual abuse survivors. I don't think any of us were suggesting that we do.
She never said most will perpetrate, and in fact was very clear that she was not implicating all sexual abuse survivors, merely pointing out that people who have been abused and have not dealt with it are at higher risk to perpetrate. That seems reasonable to me, and I don't see why she would set aside all of her professional experience just because some people are so touchy about things that they can't hear what someone else is saying without taking it as a personal insult.
If she can't be bothered to listen to people who are telling her what it's really like, I don't care about her professional experience. Her attitude is a big part of why I have massive medical phobias and absolutely will NOT see a therapist or counselor. The "experts" know they're the experts on whatever topic is at hand, so they don't bother listening to the people who are actually experiencing whatever (medical issue, mental health problems, living with the effects of sexual abuse, etc.). I don't trust them, and APToddlerMama has reminded me, with almost every post she's made on this thread, of why I don't trust them. She'd rather say "I don't understand how a parent can be so sensitive blah, blah, blah" than actually listen to people who are trying to explain why. Maybe if she showed some sign of caring more about people than about demonstrating her "expertise", she'd come across better.
I am glad that social workers ask about prior abuse experiences because I do think it is relevant, especially given, as I said before, the tragically high rate of abuse inside foster homes.
Sure - prior sexual abuse is probably relevant. And, if I were fostering, I'd be quite honest about what happened to me. But, if I were going to sexually assault children in my care, I wouldn't go around advertising it, even obliquely. I don't really object to them asking. I just don't see the point, and really doubt it accomplishes anything, in terms of keeping children safe.
I also would like to say that while disagreeing with someone, one doesn't have to be rude, and one doesn't have to make someone's thread all about them when the OP was looking for answers to a sensitive topic. I will also be leaving this thread, and really it is far past time I did so.
This is Personal Growth. The OP only posted here, because it seemed that most topics about sexual abuse were in this forum. The reason those topics are usually posted here is because people have very strong feelings about their experiences and are trying to grow through them. I see no reason why people should be silent in a thread in Personal Growth that brings up painful memories (and, in my case, there are at least as many painful memories around the "damaged goods" attitude many exhibit towards abuse survivors as there are about the abuse itself). And, frankly, I feel that APToddlerMama was rude with her comment about parents being "so sensitive", just as I feel that you were rude with your above comment about being "so touchy". What constitutes rude behaviour is somewhat subjective, and you're basically saying, "what I think is rude is rude, and what you think is rude is acceptable, because I think it's fine"...and that's rude.