Its October March mommies:) Monthly Chat - Page 3

[cameragirl]

Sigh. I woke up to news that my great aunt passed. I didn't know her, but I feel for the rest of the family. To add to the weird mood, our dementia-riddled neighbor was on our porch this morning. They just let her wander around the neighborhood by herself all day. She'll just wander into someone's yard and sit under their trees for hours. That's not so bad. But she also goes up on porches and sits there like it is her house. I didn't know anyone was on the porch when I sat on the couch, and freaked out when I saw something moving out there. It makes me sad that nobody is paying attention to where she is all day.

Other than that, things are going pretty well. I have my infusions next week, get a day off, and have my ultrasound and Ob appointment that Friday. Should be a busy week. How is everyone else doing?

[3timesamom]

Cameras girl I will be thinking of you. Oh that poor old lady! I hate to think no one knows where she is:( It really would freak me out to see her on my porch! I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Even if you didn't know her.

Baby is quite active lately:) That is nice:)

[lizsky]

3timesamom, I'm sorry about your doctors.  Their attitude is so annoying.  Will you be transferring to a different practice soon?  When I was pregnant with my DD, my original OB's office was very annoying about everything and had me do a ton of extra unnecessary tests.  (I don't mind doing standard bloodwork & urine tests, but they were treating me like I was a promiscuous teenager and extremely advanced maternal age...I was neither!)  When I finally landed in the MW office at 20 weeks they looked at my file, and at my history (married, healthy, late 20's) and asked "why in the world did they give you all these tests?"  I hope that it'll work for you to switch to a better provider soon!

Cameragirl, glad your DD made some strides with schoolwork.  Her pink outfit is cute!

Brisen, your house sounds really cool!  My house is a small urban rowhome, but I could probably be more creative with the space we do have to do better food storage.  

As for me, I'm realizing that I'm experiencing some anxiety.  I've been thinking a lot (probably too much) about mortality and how there are no guarantees in life, and I find myself getting really stressed about the thought of losing loved ones-my DH, my DD, this baby.  Some of it is founded in reality (DH's Dad died last month, my best friend died a year ago, I have dear friends who have lost babies at 17 weeks, 20 weeks and 37 weeks...), but some of it isn't.  Every time my husband leaves the house I worry that he may have a car accident on his way to work. And if he's late I worry about the same thing.  Is this possible?  Yes.  But is it likely?  No.  

I don't know how much is pregnancy hormones, how much is the stresses of the recent funeral, and how much is my own pre-disposition to anxiety/depression (had a few episodes in college).  I don't think I'm at a place where I need medication, but I do think I need to work on calming and centering myself.  I looked at our budget and DH agrees that we can make prenatal yoga fit into it if we make some other small adjustments.  I'm going to start on Monday night and I think it will be good for me.  

[3timesamom]

Lizsky, I am already seeing the midwife. Every time I turn around though its time to break up with the OB and they throw another thing I have to wait for results from before I do. For instance if I did indeed have HIV she wouldn't want me! So I need to wait now for that result. I was going to have an U/s through them but honestly I am all set. If I really wanted one I could have my family DR order it back at the u/s place at the nice hospital:)

Why don't you just buy a prenatal yoga DVD and do it in the evenings? I did one with my last baby. I don't really like yoga I find it annoying. I like a good brisk walk with some good tunes though:)

Anyone reading Hypno babies or hypno birthing?? I am reading hypno babies and find it very reaffirming. Its very much what I did with my past two labors. Surrounded myself with those who thought like me and retreated into myself and let my body do what it needed how I needed to:) Its an interesting read!

[Brisen]

3timesamom -- that is some craziness from your OB's office.  I hope you've had your share of craziness and now it will all be over!

cameragirl, sorry about your aunt, and your poor neighbour.  I wonder if there are laws about letting adults who can't care for themselves wander like that? 

lizsky, I was feeling a lot of anxiety at the beginning of this pregnancy, and for me, with anxiety comes excessive worry about my kids' safety.  It was a problem the first month or so after my youngest was born, too.  I was having dreams where a kid was in danger and I couldn't help in time, and when I was awake, I would be super edgy about things like walking near or on the stairs with the baby, taking the stairs slowly and not just holding the rail but also leaning on the wall to make sure I didn't fall.  I don't have any advice, just commiseration.  For me, it just went away on its own; until then, I stayed away from movies or shows or books that were scary or upsetting in any way, and I stopped listening to the news.

I can commiserate about worrying about your dh, too.  I tend to get those same kinds of worries, pregnant or not.  The man who married us started off with a story he had read about an older couple who were arguing bitterly before he left for work in the morning.  The woman yelled something about being happy he was leaving or not wanting to see him again as he left the house.  He died at work that day.  So the advice he was giving us was always part on happy terms, or something, but all I could think was Arg, this must be an omen of some kind, that's exactly the type of scenario I worry about and now it's being told as a story at my wedding.  Sometimes, if dh leaves a message on the machine to say he's coming home late from work, I can't bring myself to delete it before he arrives home, because what if that's the last time I hear his voice, and I just erased it?  

About my house -- I'm not meaning to complain about it, it's just all of these renovations.  I knew they would take a long time, but I grew up in a similar situation and didn't think it would be a big deal.  I don't think the kids care, but I'm feeling more unsettled than I thought I would.

I'm 97% sure I'm feeling the baby move now.  I think I won't feel completely sure about it until I can feel it from the outside, though.  But I'm getting little nudges that feel very babyish.

[3timesamom]

I had a boyfriend that I dated for three years. He and I were to be married. I left the house that morning for an interview and when I came back home police were in the road blocking my path. His friend came to my car and told me that he had died in a motorcycle accident. We didn't part on bad terms or anything but I always think of that. He was just 23, I was 20. Honestly it feels like anther lifetime ago now. I still have the note he left me. It says that he will be back to cook me lunch:(  So yes try to part on good terms or atleast letting one another know that you still care:)

AFM, I am out of there as soon as I hear NEGATIVE. If I don't get a negative I guess I am stuck. I really can't imagine that I have it.

[Kyamo]

Originally Posted by 3timesamom 

They should just say yes or no and I'm pretty sure it will be no. I mean I have been married to my husband for 10 years! I never had it with my last three babies

Yeah, even my midwife was really insistent about the HIV test. I know I don't have it, since the only person I could have possibly got it from was 10 years ago and I have had two negative tests since then. One of which was less than two years ago, because I needed to be tested before they would start fertility treatments.

On the other hand, I'm sure every medical person has met one person who swears up and down that they couldn't possibly have it, and it turns out their partner was cheating without their knowledge and they do have it. So I just went along with it, even though I knew what the result would be.

[cameragirl]

Brisen - Thank you. I just don't know about the neighbor. I feel bad, because nobody even comes to find her until dinner time. She must know her home some of the time, but she's not there most of the time. She sings loudly in Russian and yells. My husband of course only knows Russian swear words from working at a Russian-owned bakery, so he's of no help. Our neighbors are nurses and have said on more than one occasion that she's pretty far gone mentally. On one hand I want to call Adult Protective Services, but she's obviously clean and fed. They just don't bother to make sure someone is watching out for her during the day.

[3timesamom]

Kyamo, I am not annoyed with the test in general I infact have submmitted to it for each pregnancy plus life ins. So its a more than likely chance that I do NOT have it. Plus if you have met my husband you would crack up at the thought that he was cheating. If he is I assure you its with Netflix. Now I know Netflix gets around..........LOL Its the way they explained an invalid result to me. Invalid doesn't mean that I have an elevated risk. Invalid means they couldn't test it because there was not enough blood, or because someone just plain screwed up the test. I now know this because of my lab technician friend who keeps going into the computer and re reading my labs. I don't know this because of them. They were rubbing my leg and consoling me like I had it! She checked the box for HIV on the release forms for the midwife telling me "she has a right to know." In that moment I was flustered with all those children. Upon some reflection and a clearer head I realized that there is nothing to tell my midwife right now. They know no more then they did the first time they took my blood. I did tell her but they have no right to tell me that I need to tell her that! Especially at this stage in the game. I am frustrated because I was told my baby had downs and it SOOOO does not. I am frustrated because I was told that I MUST have GD because I am overweight and babies are all 9lbs. I am frustrated because I can't take one more grain of silliness from these people!  I don't trust them anymore. I don't trust them to give me fair information. I don't trust them to keep a level head! I just wanted to explain to you that I do not think I am above HIV or this testing. I think I am above panic. I think I deserved more than a phone call and allowing me to drag three babies in there and no support person if that was what they felt they needed to tell me! They had no idea how I would react. Thankfully I just think they are insane so I was fine but some people could not have handled that.

I will be really thankful for next Wednesday to get here. Then I will have the result in hand.

[Kyamo]

Originally Posted by 3timesamom 

Kyamo, I am not annoyed with the test in general I infact have submmitted to it for each pregnancy plus life ins. So its a more than likely chance that I do NOT have it. Plus if you have met my husband you would crack up at the thought that he was cheating. If he is I assure you its with Netflix. Now I know Netflix gets around..........LOL Its the way they explained an invalid result to me. Invalid doesn't mean that I have an elevated risk. Invalid means they couldn't test it because there was not enough blood, or because someone just plain screwed up the test. I now know this because of my lab technician friend who keeps going into the computer and re reading my labs. I don't know this because of them. They were rubbing my leg and consoling me like I had it! She checked the box for HIV on the release forms for the midwife telling me "she has a right to know." In that moment I was flustered with all those children. Upon some reflection and a clearer head I realized that there is nothing to tell my midwife right now. They know no more then they did the first time they took my blood. I did tell her but they have no right to tell me that I need to tell her that! Especially at this stage in the game. I am frustrated because I was told my baby had downs and it SOOOO does not. I am frustrated because I was told that I MUST have GD because I am overweight and babies are all 9lbs. I am frustrated because I can't take one more grain of silliness from these people!  I don't trust them anymore. I don't trust them to give me fair information. I don't trust them to keep a level head! I just wanted to explain to you that I do not think I am above HIV or this testing. I think I am above panic. I think I deserved more than a phone call and allowing me to drag three babies in there and no support person if that was what they felt they needed to tell me! They had no idea how I would react. Thankfully I just think they are insane so I was fine but some people could not have handled that.

I will be really thankful for next Wednesday to get here. Then I will have the result in hand.

Oh I'm sorry. I did not mean to imply that your husband was cheating or that you were wrong to drop this OB practice, I agree that they need to make it clear what invalid means in the context of that test! Sorry for any misunderstanding. I just went off on a tangent based on what you said. Sorry.

[Kyamo]

Originally Posted by cameragirl 

Brisen - Thank you. I just don't know about the neighbor. I feel bad, because nobody even comes to find her until dinner time. She must know her home some of the time, but she's not there most of the time. She sings loudly in Russian and yells. My husband of course only knows Russian swear words from working at a Russian-owned bakery, so he's of no help. Our neighbors are nurses and have said on more than one occasion that she's pretty far gone mentally. On one hand I want to call Adult Protective Services, but she's obviously clean and fed. They just don't bother to make sure someone is watching out for her during the day.

I think maybe you should call. Taking care of someone is more than just making sure they are clean and fed. She could get lost or hit by a car or freeze to death or something. I think I remember a story in my city last winter where a woman with Alzheimer's wandered off in the middle of the night, her family discovered her missing and went searching, but it was too late, she was found frozen to death.

[SageR]

I think you should call too.  There have been several cases of elderly people just wandering off and never being seen again around here.  And the weather is inclement enough this time of year that it wouldn't take much for an older person to be affected by exposure.  It's a really tough thing - almost like an epidemic - all these people, their families either don't know how or don't have the resources to care for them properly  Adult Protective Services might be able to find some kind of day program for her, or some kind of volunteer organization that could offer the family support.

Boy, reading about some of these doctors makes me more and more thankful for mine.   I got the standard stuff because it's no big deal to me to pee in a cup and have some blood taken.  But I didn't want an amnio or to have to travel to have the super duper AMA anatomy scan and my OB was fine with that.  The whole holding you hostage thing is really insane too - why should you have to get them to release you if you want another caregiver?  Aren't your medical records legally yours?

I think anxiety is normal during pregnancy, and if you already have a tendency towards being anxious or depressed it can be exacerbated.  I find my OCD has gotten much more intense since I started having babies, and it really come sout in my nesting.  I am wacko about making sure everything is just right.  Oh, and I worry about my dh everytime he leaves the house.  He is a carpenter which is one of the most dangerous occupations in the country.  We've never really discussed it but we always say goodbye - in person and on the phone - lovingly, even if we're unhappy with each other.

Right now I am stressing about stupid Halloween costumes.  I could care less but it is a HUGE deal to dh and he has gotten the kids all wound up.  Ds2 changes his mind about what he wants to be every half hour - but, at least, it is consistently the same three super heroes.  I can buy a costume easily and cheaply for one of those and I think whichever I pick he will like.  Ds1, otoh, wants to be a purple dog with yellow spots.  I knew I wouldn't find one ready made but I am finding it really hard to find anything to cobble together that isn't more than $25.  I can't afford and refuse on principal to spend any more than that on a child's Halloween costume.  Everytime I try to discuss it with ds he gets pretty upset, which is unusual for him as he is generally pretty chill.  I am soooo tired of cruising through ebay looking for purple stuff!

[cameragirl]

What about some Hanes sweats with felt or puff paint spots for the dog? You could make some felt ears on a headband, too.

[3timesamom]

Kyamo, Thank you. I realize I was being sensitive. Even knowing this is all foolish, its still hard to wait on those results.

Halloween costumes. DD is going to be a zombie fairy! LOL Ds will be a skeleton and my 2009 guy will be a lion. (He gets to use old costumes from DS 1, that won't last much longer!)

AFM, Its raining. We walked to the post office to return hall pass. It was an interesting movie! I am trying to watch up my movies in netflix because I am getting rid of the movies by mail part. Not so much because we are poor but because I don't have time to watch them. I am assuming baby number four isn't going to make me more likely to watch movies! Well I am off. I want to watch greys anatomy on Hulu during quiet time. I better jump on that because quiet time will be over soon!

[SageR]

Originally Posted by cameragirl 

What about some Hanes sweats with felt or puff paint spots for the dog? You could make some felt ears on a headband, too.

Good idea - I was thinking along those lines. I  thought a hoodie and sweatpants with some felt added would be really cute but I can't find any in purple and they're part poly so I don't know if they would dye well.  But dh said he would talk to him and see if they could come up with another idea.

Originally Posted by 3timesamom 

Kyamo, Thank you. I realize I was being sensitive. Even knowing this is all foolish, its still hard to wait on those results.

Halloween costumes. DD is going to be a zombie fairy! LOL Ds will be a skeleton and my 2009 guy will be a lion. (He gets to use old costumes from DS 1, that won't last much longer!)

AFM, Its raining. We walked to the post office to return hall pass. It was an interesting movie! I am trying to watch up my movies in netflix because I am getting rid of the movies by mail part. Not so much because we are poor but because I don't have time to watch them. I am assuming baby number four isn't going to make me more likely to watch movies! Well I am off. I want to watch greys anatomy on Hulu during quiet time. I better jump on that because quiet time will be over soon!

You're allowed to be sensitive!  I don't expect midwife-like behavior from my doctor but really, any caregiver should know how stressful all the tests and waiting and all that is for us.  They should also be able to explain exactly what a specific result means - we don't all have friends in this line of work and shouldn't have to figure this stuff out ourselves (not that there is anything wrong with informing oneself!)  A pat on the leg is not a substitute for being treated respectfully in the first place.

A zombie fairy is awesome! Now that's an idea - among ds's many new interests is zombies.  We already have face paint, and I could get an outfit really cheap from the thrift store to make into rags and such.  Oooh, and some of those funny nasty teeth from the vending machine, ds loves those things.  Oh thank you!  If we can't figure something else out I'll bet he would go for that!

I love Netflix and Hulu!  We still get disks because I love period films and a lot of them aren't available watch instantly, but  we are getting cable shut off this month because we can watch everything online.  We have an XBox.  Dh wants to get a used one for our bedroom so when we are on our babymoon we can watch stuff up there.  Normally whenever he wants to bring yet another piece of electronic equipment into the house I really struggle but this time I think it's a decent idea.  Those first few weeks I am too tired to read a lot but I don't sleep the whole time, and after my surgery I'm not supposed to use the stairs a lot.  So I will be in our bedroom most of the time and some variety will be awesome.

[3timesamom]

I haven't read anything yet but I will. The result was negative. BUT I need more testing!

[LizzieMum]

Originally Posted by 3timesamom 

I haven't read anything yet but I will. The result was negative. BUT I need more testing!

What a nightmare!! 

[LizzieMum]

I've had my second appointment with the midwife at the pregnancy care clinic.  I got the same one this time which I had mixed feelings about.  I was hoping to get someone different so that I could get to know everyone prior to going there to deliver but I'm sure I will in time.  There's a lot more appointments to come for me.  She really is nice though and totally hands off.  She said out loud to me that I wasn't sick or unwell and needing medical care, I was just pregnant :-)  I like that attitude.

I've negotiated my pay rise now at work and am waiting on the results.  So stressful having to go and state my case and say that I am doing the work of a higher grade so I should get paid for it.  In Australia, a lot of positions are graded, especially in the government sector.  It's based on experience and then number of years employed.

We're looking at putting down new carpet in the bedrooms this year, just cheap stuff but it'll be way better than what we have now which is like 20 year old carpet!  I'm really wanting to put the baby crib up and set some things in the nursery but I can't because of the new carpet going in shortly.  It's way easier for the carpet guys to move the stuff when it's packed up, than if it's all out.  So excited though, new carpet!!

Oh, and my garden is growing so well.  DH and I built a new vege patch when I was very very early pregnant.  Something about the soil in there means that peas and strawberries are doing really well on their own but the tomatoes needed some extra boost fertilizer to help them along.  I need to read up on the nutrients.  Something about Phosphorus I think.

[3timesamom]

Sage I am glad I could help you out with a costume idea;) DD will paint her face and wear this ratty looking fairy costume. Its store bought but she got it from her brother for her bday:) He really is a thoughtful boy!

Thank you for being supportive in all of this. I am finding it so hard to just be happy and go with the flow.

Lizzie I hope you get to meet others. I love that attitude though! Not sick just pregnant:) Oh and its a major nightmare;)

AFM, I have talked with the OB's office FINALLY. First off they didn't call me the lab did. They called to tell me they needed to redraw me because they had run the wrong test. Its an HIV ultra sensitvie but NOT the one the OB's office wanted. So I had the results (per my friend) sent over to my family physician. He said that his only concern is that I am not immune to german measles and rubella! HAHA. He said I do not live an at risk lifesyle and got one invalid and one negative. He thinks no I do not NEED another test. The OB FINALLY called and told me that he wasn't comfortable telling me I was negative and he really hoped I was getting this other test. He said if this test says one way or the other he would believe it! LOL Way to pee in my cheerios! He also kept saying that I had a previous positive and now a negative. I pointed out that I had an INVALID and a negative. He said yes but still he would rather that I take the test. All of my friends are saying RUN from the OB's and take your negative with you! My Midwife hasn't weighed in yet and if she wants me to finish the testing I will. I want her to be comfortable with my negative status and not question it.

In other happier news, I got to go to Diddos for Kiddos today. Its a resale program put on twice a year. I got baby a bouncy seat that DOES work and a baby gym. I also got a couple bassinet sheets. I got all three of my kids winter boots:) I got my youngest and my oldest LLbean and my middle Kamik. So all good brands in great shape!  I got a toy for Seth and pj's for Nolan and books for Aliica:) I a most excited at my finds:) Hope everyone has great plans for the weekend!

[lizsky]

Brisen, thank you so much for sharing- It makes me feel a little more normal.  I guess the more I love my family members the more vulnerable I become.   Its wonderful and frightening all at the same time.  And I know I will fall in love with this new one next March and that will make me even more vulnerable...but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I just hope I will be able to get to a calmer place sometime soon...I know there are no guarantees in life, but I also don't want to be so overcome by anxiety that I miss out on how wonderful life really is.  Not sure if that sentence makes sense!

3timesamom, you've been through such an ordeal.  I'd be sensitive too.  Glad you at least had a nice shopping outing and found some great stuff for your kids.  

Sage I hope you can find a good costume solution.  Luckily my DD is young enough that there's no pressure from her to be anything in particular.  I think its awesome that you are giving your son's purple dog dream a chance...I'd probably give up too easily.   

Lizziemum, how many MWs are in your practice?  Glad you liked the one you've met thus far!  

How are you guys feeling these days with regard to the pregnancy?  How is your body changing?  Are you enjoying the 2nd trimester?  Do you feel like you are bonding with the baby?  

My nausea finally went away around 15/16 weeks and I immediately gained weight and started to "feel pregnant."  My belly has become much bigger, my shirts are all getting too short, and I'm peeing ALL THE TIME- and when I do its just a trickle...I'm kinda surprised by all the pressure on my bladder already...isn't this baby still less than 1 pound?!  I feel like I'm having a pretty good 2nd trimester, but I don't feel all that bonded to the baby...but I also didn't feel all that bonded to my DD until she was born, and then I was blown away by fierce love at first sight.  I've started to feel flutters and that helps a bit.