I would love a cat, partner says no because of the kids

[rainbow_mandala]

The last few years I find my heart yearning more and more for a new kitty.  I've taken care of cats since I was a kid, I've always had a strong fondness for them.  The last one I had was a bit on the wild side, so I had to give him away after my son was born: he didn't know what to do with a baby in the house, taking most of the attention he used to get and he also was pretty quick to bite and scratch, thus, we couldn't keep him.  That was over 4 years ago, I'd really like to get a new cat, but my partner doesn't want to get one, mainly because he's afraid it will hurt the kids.  My oldest is now almost 5, and we now have a 7-month-old as well.  I understand his concerns, especially because the last cat was given away due to its clash with the baby.  

However, the more I reflect on it, the more I realize that it really depends on the kitty.  Some are naturally more wild and aggressive than others...some are very sweet and loving and would never or rarely bite or scratch people.  He says that cats naturally bite and scratch when they play, that's his main concern: that even if the kids don't provoke the cat, it'll probably still bite and scratch when it's feeling playful.  I'm not sure about this.  I understand his point, but I'm not convinced that's always the case.  I know kittens are naturally more playful and might bite and scratch, but has anyone here experienced this as a real problem with their little ones?  Plenty of people have cats and kids at the same time, so how do you make it work?

[lifeguard]

Well, we currently have 7 kittens we've been raising (& hopefully homing soon) & ds has yet to get a scratch or a bite & he is not nearly as gentle as we would like him to be.

We've always had cats & I think we've had one as kids that was unpredictable with his claws - the rest were usually pretty good about their claws unless truly provoked.

[queenjane]

I have an 11 yr old cat, and he never bothers the kids. He may have scratched once or twice MAYBE and only in defense...i dont let the boys abuse the cat obviously, but sometimes their idea of "playtime" isnt exactly what the cat would choose. He is SUPER tolerant, and that goes a long way...just his personality. We had another cat (had to PTS due to illness a couple years ago) and she was the opposite, she'd plop down, show her belly to get it rubbed, but it was just a trap to attack. Actually i think she usually was just playing but my son as a young toddler did get scratched sometimes...i figured that was a natural consequence to bugging the cat. He was never hurt.

You might consider contacting a rescue group and choosing a cat that has shown itself to be laid back, tolerant, sort of "kid proof"....they will usually know which ones are good for an active household with little ones, and which ones should be with adults. Keeping in mind that an indoor cat will likely live 15-20 years or longer, getting an "older" cat even three or four years old, instead of a more unpredictable kitten, would still give you a settled cat that still has a loooong time to live. Just an idea!

[elsie]

I have never had a problem with any cat sratching or biting my kids. It really does depend on the cat. In fact, our younger cat was adopted when I was pregnenat and spent much of her kittenhood with DD as a baby. They get along famously. Cats tend to ignore and hid when they want to get away from a situation, it takes more to provoke them - unless you sratch their bellies too much

[tooraloora]

I currently don't have any pets in the house unfortunately, however, I worked at a local animal shelter for a good while as a cat socializer and fostered for awhile, and I can tell you that cats definitely have vastly different personalities. I remember one in particular (Chester) who ended up being adopted to be a therapy animal visiting hospitalized patients (and I heard he was great at his job). He was an absolute doll. When I'd get him out of his cage, he'd throw his paws around my neck and nuzzle me endlessly. As an older cat, he was there for a long time before he found a home, but during that time, claws never came out even once. Chester was fantastic with kids. He wasn't as playful as a kitten of course, but he loved to cuddle. He just had a really loving, patient temperament. He was 10, though, and that seemed to really deter families from taking him in. I also dealt with Babyface who was a younger cat that I hardly wanted around me, much less a child. He was adorable and kids flocked to him, though I pretty quickly sent them elsewhere. He would purr and act oh so cute, roll over for a belly rub, he'd let you reach in and pet him, start to come climb up onto you, and then once you picked him up, he'd look at you with demonic glee and promptly attempt to shred you to bits. We were all pretty sure he was possessed. 

It's really just a matter of finding a cat with a personality that suits your family. Again, they're all very different. I second checking with a rescue group. If it were me, I'd definitely go for an older cat so that you already know how he is, talk to whoever is caring for him, and spend some time with him to make sure it's a good fit. I used to put a lot of care into matchmaking and most of the people I worked with did as well. Hopefully you'll be able to find someone who really knows the cats and can point you towards who might be a good match for your family. Who knows. Maybe you'll find another Chester.

[philomom]

I think you have to honor your spouse on this one. Are there "shop" cats near you? Maybe you can visit a friendly cat in the neighborhood.

[babygirlie]

Don't take this the wrong way but if you were willing to throw away your previous cat to be killed or whatever I don't think being an animal owner is the right thing for you. Please let it go. I'm sorry I'm being honest. No good breeder would give a person a cat who threw their old one away because it became a nuisance. There's no guerentee what a new cat's personality is if you don't buy from good breeders who know their breeds and even then...

Yes cats will always scratch and bite when they play. That's what they do. Declawing is animal cruelty. they actually cut the toe off leaving it hideously disfigured and excruciatingly painful. Cat may stop using the litter box etc. My kid has been scratched and bit but it was very minor. Cat was playing. As cats age and if they are not trained properly and fixed they can very well become violent. A cat CAN take a baby's face off and blind it for life. I have one of those cats now and he never ever sees my kid and I'm dealing with my situation now. A cat will cuddle a newborn for heat or milk. Sorry it's not an old wives tale. Cats like to cuddle. Some cats need more attention than a 7 month old baby.. depends on the breed. that same cat who went nuts also climbed right on top of her and slept on her while I was holding her (that was before he lost it).

I also have a LOT of cats and my child has never been seriously hurt ever; BUT she is also disabled and has zero interest in them. She doesn't poke eyes and my cats are of a super tolerant breed (except psychonut.. there's ALWAYS an exception) that allows her to pull tails and bite and do whatever she wants. I shut the door when she slept. My cats were no longer allowed to sleep with us. Changes were made and no one was sacrificed.. not even psychonut.

Every shirt I own is torn. My body is riddled with scratches my cats like to jump on me and ride shoulders or play. They take a lot of time from my child to diligently clean boxes and keep their diets proper and get them to the vet and specialists to make sure they are running smoothly inside and out. they get bathed regularily ears cleaned, blankets washed, new beds every so often. They are a lot of work. TBH If I were to go back in time I wouldn't have gotten a cat. But then again my child is disabled and the work involved is overwhelming to me but maybe not to someone else.

I am diligent in cleaning because I never want someone to come in and say take this child away it stinks... and even so my house still stinks. litter boxes suck. Cats spraying sucks, cats screaming all night sucks.

And remember the damage your child can do to a kitten. sleep on it, suffocate it, slam a door on it killing it or breaking a foot, turning on the dryer without looking first. These are all things I've heard recently.

When you again grow bored of the new cat and it's too much trouble and you put it down also or pretend it found a better home.. the cat's not going to understand and it's just too cruel for me to even think about.

[earth-mama]

We have a very laid back cat that we got as a kitten.  She rarely scratches and has only bit (gently) in rough play.  My DD, now almost 3, has been scratched a few times due to being too rough with the cat--a natural consequence in my opinion.  We have worked hard to teach DD how to interact and touch the cat (and our dogs), but as toddlers are sometimes things happen.  When DD was little the cat was interested in her but didn't initiate any play unless DD did.  Our cat has all of her claws (I don't agree with declawing) so she can use them if she wants/needs to, but she only does when it becomes necessary.  I agree with PP that it does really depend on the cat so it would be a good idea to really see what a cat's personality is before getting one.  We picked out cat out from a litter when she was a kitten, her personality was obvious from the beginning.  Checking out shelter cats and cat rescues could also be a good way to go.  Our cat is the breed Ragdoll and are suppose to be good with kids, dogs, etc--one of the reasons we got her.

[starrlamia]

if you teach your kids to respect the cat then there shouldnt be any issue. I also find it concerning that you already got rid of one cat, taking in an animal is a lifelong commitment IMO, and I wouldnt take in another cat unless you were prepared to have it for life. Your best bet for finding a cat that would fit into your family is going through a rescue and getting an adult, in which the rescue will know the temperment of the cat and whether it is good with children or not.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by babygirlie 

Don't take this the wrong way but if you were willing to throw away your previous cat to be killed or whatever I don't think being an animal owner is the right thing for you. Please let it go. I'm sorry I'm being honest. No good breeder would give a person a cat who threw their old one away because it became a nuisance.

She didn't say she threw her cat away. For all you know, she rehomed the cat to a loving family. I have had animals all my life, and yet I've had to rehome an animal or two that weren't good fits for my family. If a couple has a dog that doesn't do well with children, and suddenly there's a death in the family that leaves a child needing a home, should the couple choose the dog over their niece?

OP, cats all have different personalities. Yes, even gentle ones will/can scratch when they play. The best way to avoid that is to use toys instead of hands as playthings. If you teach your cat that hands are toys, kitty will have no problem batting at your hands. That being said, my two children have been raised with many different cats and we've never had a problem. Our cats have always been shelter cats or strays; I don't support the breeding of cats.

You also have to protect the cat from the children, as sometimes little ones aren't gentle enough. It's not enough to teach the cat that hands aren't toys; you have to teach your children that animals aren't toys.

[Auntie Sapphire]

Petfinder will allow you to search for declawed cats. I know many people have strong feelings on declawing, but adopting an already-declawed cat would not be the same as having the procedure done.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by Auntie Sapphire 

Petfinder will allow you to search for declawed cats. I know many people have strong feelings on declawing, but adopting an already-declawed cat would not be the same as having the procedure done.

Very true. But declawed cats are more likely to be skittish, nervous, and bite because they have no other way to defend themselves. Maybe not the best mix for a house with children.

[rainbow_mandala]

No, I am not a perfect pet owner.  I feel badly about having to give away Bear, he was very loved by my ex and I, but his aggressive, wild nature just wasn't compatible with having a baby.  One time my son was crawling down a step in the living room, he was about a year old, Bear was underneath the step, apparently he didn't appreciate having someone crawl down right next to him because he stuck his claw in my son's foot.  I saw all of this in slow motion across the room...I really didn't think Bear would do that because a.) he wasn't directly underneath my son so it wasn't as if the baby was stepping on his face or whatever b.) my son was going so slow that he could have easily moved before he made it down the step...apparently he had some pent up anger that he wanted to unleash on our baby.  This wasn't a case of simple "baby was being too rough with kitty", so neither of us knew what to do.  We loved Bear, he was apart of our family, but he was angry that he wasn't number one in our lives anymore (we still gave him lots of love but it wasn't enough in his eyes) so we had to part ways.  Thus, the decision wasn't just about the people involved, it was also about Bear--we didn't want him to feel neglected.

I don't want to rush into getting another cat because I want to make sure we do what's best for everyone, including the cat.  I like the advice about finding an older cat, that way we know what his/her personality is like.  I have a strong fondness for kittens, especially because I worry that if we were to get an older cat it might be harder to help them adjust to our household.  That might just be my perception, though, and it probably has to do with the cat's temperament more than anything else.  And then there's the issue of helping DP get comfortable with the idea, that might not happen.  Thanks for all the replies, though, they've given me a lot of food for thought!

[starrlamia]

Kittens are adorable, but there is no way to predict what their temperment will be like as an adult. Just like people, you can sometimes get an idea but as they mature they may change their attitudes, whereas an adult cat is already set in their temperment and are unlikely to change their attitudes toward children (unless they are harassed).

2xy, if I had to take in a child with a dog that did not do well with a child I would make it work. I would exercise and spoil the crap out of my dog and keep it seperate from the child. It isnt really that hard to do, but it does take effort and most people wont go that extra mile.