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October Chit Chat - Page 44

post #861 of 1015
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbk21 View Post
UGH!  Anytime DH tries to do "my job" like cook dinner with DS1 running around it ends with DH getting all flustered and pissed off.  And every single time I say "see?  My job isn't so easy!"

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abraisme View Post

Yeah, my DH can't handle doing a chore and managing the kids either.  After a short while he's always super flustered and needs a break.  I'm like, uhmm, I do this all day, do you want me to be all pissy at the end of every day?  He'll say something like, but I'm not used to it!  Yeah, like that makes it easier.  It's why most men aren't suited to be sahp.  They have a hard time doing 2 things at once and getting it all right.. 


It's almost worse, though, when the opposite happens.  My dh seems to have little to no trouble cooking dinner while watching both kids and every time he runs errands with them, everything goes smoothly.  I swear they are just plain different around him and he thinks that it's not a big deal and doesn't get why I complain.  The reality is that he's novel to them and they're novel to him and so things are just generally easier.  But when it's mom day in and day out the behavior deteriorates and then things are not so easy.  Not to mention that doing something with the kids for an hour or two is NOT the same as spending the entire day, every day taking care of their needs.  But every time we have this conversation it devolves quickly b/c he thinks, by default, I'm saying his job is easy.  Frankly, it's not about ease, it's about the stress level, patience, and self sacrifice that is involved with being a SAHM.  His job is not easy- not anyone could do it, but he is intellectually stimulated by it and gets to regularly complete tasks that he enjoys.

 

post #862 of 1015
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abraisme View Post

Would he actually shave his head knowing that you hate it?  I can't imagine my DH doing something that he knows I would hate, especially if it involved weeks of me having to look at him to see it.. 
 



 



Yes.  He sincerely thinks he will win this bet.  Its some masculine macho guy bet they made at the gym.  I will just get mad every time I look at his bald head.

post #863 of 1015

Ahhhhh, it was nice to get up this morning and read all the husband bashing.  DH asked his mom to come down for the weekend, so I asked him to please clean up the extra room cause he has baseball cards all over the floor.  He hemmed and hawed about it, but went in there and spent like ALL night in there (seriously, every time I got up to pee).  Well I just looked in there this morning and there are still cards all over the floor and no place to put a bed.  DH is like "my mom can just sleep in the kids play room"  Um NO SHE CAN'T!  The kids will be all over her stuff, won't be able to just go back there and play and I DO NOT WANT their stuff all over the living room because THAT"S WHERE I'M BIRTHING!!!   AAAAAAAARRRRRGH.

post #864 of 1015

I think this has a lot to do with the personality of the individual parent.  I actually have a lot easier time with my kids than my DH does.  It's not that they act worse around him, it's just how I deal with it.  He tends to internalize everything and wonders why the kids don't make reasonable, logical choices.  He expects them to act like tiny adults.  I try to remind him all the time that he shouldn't take their actions personally, but he simply can't..  It often seems that there is one high-needs person and one easy-going person in every relationship.  I think it's more about ones perspective on a moment, rather than what actually happened.  I expect my kids to be kids, so when my 7yo spends 30 minutes outside picking his nose (instead of doing his chores), I don't linger on it.  While my DH gets all mad and flustered..  I have a lot of empathy for my dh though, it must be tough to get upset about things..  He even gets upset at how little I get upset..  eyesroll.gif

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

 


It's almost worse, though, when the opposite happens.  My dh seems to have little to no trouble cooking dinner while watching both kids and every time he runs errands with them, everything goes smoothly.  I swear they are just plain different around him and he thinks that it's not a big deal and doesn't get why I complain.  The reality is that he's novel to them and they're novel to him and so things are just generally easier.  But when it's mom day in and day out the behavior deteriorates and then things are not so easy.  Not to mention that doing something with the kids for an hour or two is NOT the same as spending the entire day, every day taking care of their needs.  But every time we have this conversation it devolves quickly b/c he thinks, by default, I'm saying his job is easy.  Frankly, it's not about ease, it's about the stress level, patience, and self sacrifice that is involved with being a SAHM.  His job is not easy- not anyone could do it, but he is intellectually stimulated by it and gets to regularly complete tasks that he enjoys.

 



Boooo!  Hopefully he'll win the bet and still have some hair tonight.



Quote:
Originally Posted by dashley111 View Post



Yes.  He sincerely thinks he will win this bet.  Its some masculine macho guy bet they made at the gym.  I will just get mad every time I look at his bald head.



 

post #865 of 1015

I think we have enough evidence here to get "husband bashing" listed as a legitimate pre-labor sign.  LOL  ROTFLMAO.gif

post #866 of 1015

This is my husband too. He can easily go grocery shopping with DD, and never gets it when I complain about it, or just plain can't do it. (He also goes grocery shopping with a co-op car, and I just have a backpack and the stroller.) I was totally vindicated a couple of weeks ago when we went for groceries as a family, and DD was completely unmanageable. He was all like "Huh... she only does that when you're around!" Yes, exactly like I was telling you...
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

 


It's almost worse, though, when the opposite happens.  My dh seems to have little to no trouble cooking dinner while watching both kids and every time he runs errands with them, everything goes smoothly.  I swear they are just plain different around him and he thinks that it's not a big deal and doesn't get why I complain.  The reality is that he's novel to them and they're novel to him and so things are just generally easier.  But when it's mom day in and day out the behavior deteriorates and then things are not so easy.  Not to mention that doing something with the kids for an hour or two is NOT the same as spending the entire day, every day taking care of their needs.  But every time we have this conversation it devolves quickly b/c he thinks, by default, I'm saying his job is easy.  Frankly, it's not about ease, it's about the stress level, patience, and self sacrifice that is involved with being a SAHM.  His job is not easy- not anyone could do it, but he is intellectually stimulated by it and gets to regularly complete tasks that he enjoys.

 


ETA: OK, now I feel bad complaining about my husband. He's really the best. He's really very patient and compassionate with me and all my hormones and issues, and he makes most of the food around here, and does the dishes. Plus he's been working so hard on all of our mold problems, and unpacking. I've been knitting and trying to not let DD watch too much TV (and building a baby) but I can't bend over much, and can't leave the house much, so outside chores and inside chores are falling behind, and he's so understanding. Any time he gets pissy, he is fully justified. I am lucky, and I need to remember that.

 


Edited by KayPea - 10/28/11 at 10:59am
post #867 of 1015

I'm fortunately having a similar experience with my DH as Becky is with hers right now.


Edited by birdhappy85 - 10/29/11 at 12:59am
post #868 of 1015
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

I do have to say, though, I think I have a very different husband than a lot of men out there, from what a lot of ladies on here are describing. My DH is the most mellow person you'd ever meet. Definitely doesn't ever act like the woman in the relationship. I can count on one hand the number of times I've *possibly* seen him stressed out in the whole 5+ years we've been together. He NEVER seems stressed! He's a perfect balance to my ridiculously stressed out self. redface.gif

 

With DH's schedule the way it is, we're pretty much going to be co-parenting all of the time and both kind of be part-time stay-at-home parents. We don't plan to need childcare. I hope that the greater equality in our roles will be beneficial and ward off any resentment that could arise if one of us were taking on too much more than the other.


I'm hoping this doesn't come out wrong, but my dh was the same way before kids.  I don't think I had ever seen him mad or even really stressed about anything, but man do kids know how to push your buttons and send you to the edge.  I hope that your co-parenting schedule does help your dh to appreciate the childcare end of things so that you guys continue to relate really well.  And I am hoping that in a few years when this baby is entering preschool that we can get back to that more sane lifestyle we had prior to sleep deprivation.  Speaking of which, ds is napping and I think I should probably go rest and see if I can shake off this glum!

 

post #869 of 1015
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post


I'm hoping this doesn't come out wrong, but my dh was the same way before kids.  I don't think I had ever seen him mad or even really stressed about anything, but man do kids know how to push your buttons and send you to the edge.  I hope that your co-parenting schedule does help your dh to appreciate the childcare end of things so that you guys continue to relate really well.  And I am hoping that in a few years when this baby is entering preschool that we can get back to that more sane lifestyle we had prior to sleep deprivation.  Speaking of which, ds is napping and I think I should probably go rest and see if I can shake off this glum!

 



Yep.  I hope it stays that way for you, birdhappy!  Children can get under someone's skin like nothing else though.  Add in sleep deprivation and the Sh*t really hits the fan.  But it does seem like your DH is well-suited for parenting, though!  

post #870 of 1015
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post


I'm hoping this doesn't come out wrong, but my dh was the same way before kids.  I don't think I had ever seen him mad or even really stressed about anything, but man do kids know how to push your buttons and send you to the edge.  I hope that your co-parenting schedule does help your dh to appreciate the childcare end of things so that you guys continue to relate really well.  And I am hoping that in a few years when this baby is entering preschool that we can get back to that more sane lifestyle we had prior to sleep deprivation.  Speaking of which, ds is napping and I think I should probably go rest and see if I can shake off this glum!

 



Oh man, so was my DH.  He is still the calmer of the two of us, but it's true that kids know how to push buttons of even the most chill person!

post #871 of 1015

I understand what you're saying. I don't want to come across as naive just because we don't have children yet, though. We're prepared.


Edited by birdhappy85 - 10/29/11 at 1:00am
post #872 of 1015

Question for those of you who bake and freeze breads. How do you thaw them and how long does it take? I got the ingredients to bake my favorite GFCF chocolate chip banana nut bread (yum!) and want to make it ahead of time for everyone to snack on after the birth. But if I freeze whole loaves, will it take a while for them to thaw on the counter? I've never frozen sweet breads before. I really need to start reading up on freezing all sorts of different foods... I don't know why it intimidates me.


Edited by birdhappy85 - 10/29/11 at 1:01am
post #873 of 1015

Yeah, this is how I am and my DH is the emotional one.  He's hormonal enough for both of us.  lol.gif

 

But like the other mamas have said, my dh is a great guy.  He works really hard for his family (at a job that he doesn't like) and he'll pretty much do anything that I ask of him.  He's super productive around the house (outside chores, building things, etc) and really gets more done than any husband I know of.  He really does balance me out, as he's way more sensitive and emotional than I am.  It's takes both kinds of personalities to raised balanced kids, right?  :)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

I understand what you're saying. I don't want to come across as naive just because we don't have children yet, though. Nor do I want to come off as defensive in response. I can see how some people would change once the sleep deprivation comes into play, but we have lived with the worst sleep deprivation for the past 5 years due to DH's 3rd shift to 1st shift flip-flopping schedule, along with both his and my sleep disorders (ironically that's even how we met... he works in the sleep health field), so we've been fortunate to have worked out our communication style between the two of us this entire time pre-children. And, well, I live with a sleep expert. lol. So that helps. We literally went through that hellish fighting, near-relationship-ending, individual and couples therapy way before children come along. It was all a blessing in disguise now that we look back on it! That's not to say that we don't still argue and fight still, of course we do. But we're a strong team now. I'm not concerned about him changing at all or having a breakdown in the face of a frustrating child. He has learned to deal with me in the worst of times already. lol.gif Children are nothing compared to how crazy I've been at times, and I will totally admit that! He can shut out the world and take on responsibility no matter what's going on. I'll be the one having a hard time managing my health conditions on top of sleep deprivation, parenting, going to school and working (PT hopefully). But - the #1 thing I've learned is that no matter how pissy, hormonal, and grumpy I am - there's no point in taking my frustration out on him because a defensive husband gets neither of us anywhere. Telling him how I'm feeling in a non-attacking way gets a good and loving response out of him 99% of the time. I wish I had sucked it up and realized that way earlier. From what I hear, that tends to be how a lot of men operate.



Your dh went to the grocery store?!!  Ha ha.



Quote:
Originally Posted by KayPea View Post

This is my husband too. He can easily go grocery shopping with DD, and never gets it when I complain about it, or just plain can't do it. (He also goes grocery shopping with a co-op car, and I just have a backpack and the stroller.) I was totally vindicated a couple of weeks ago when we went for groceries as a family, and DD was completely unmanageable. He was all like "Huh... she only does that when you're around!" Yes, exactly like I was telling you...
 


ETA: OK, now I feel bad complaining about my husband. He's really the best. He's really very patient and compassionate with me and all my hormones and issues, and he makes most of the food around here, and does the dishes. Plus he's been working so hard on all of our mold problems, and unpacking. I've been knitting and trying to not let DD watch too much TV (and building a baby) but I can't bend over much, and can't leave the house much, so outside chores and inside chores are falling behind, and he's so understanding. Any time he gets pissy, he is fully justified. I am lucky, and I need to remember that.

 



 

post #874 of 1015
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

I'm sorry, my comments aren't helpful in the midst of everyone's frustrations, though. Forgive me!

 

Question for those of you who bake and freeze breads. How do you thaw them and how long does it take? I got the ingredients to bake my favorite GFCF chocolate chip banana nut bread (yum!) and want to make it ahead of time for everyone to snack on after the birth. But if I freeze whole loaves, will it take a while for them to thaw on the counter? I've never frozen sweet breads before. I really need to start reading up on freezing all sorts of different foods... I don't know why it intimidates me.



I'm assuming your freezing after baking and in that case in my experience bread thaws pretty fast.  A couple of hours, tops.  You could also pre-slice so you can just thaw a few slices instead of the whole loaf. 

post #875 of 1015

Your DH doesn't go to the grocery store?!  Mine LOVE grocery shopping.  I think he likes it more than me.  I have to say, my DH tends to be more feminine, though.  He's sensitive and really thoughtful.  He's also more emotional than me, I think.  I don't get mood swings... he does.  haha!  I am the centered, calm one most of the time.  In a lot of ways this is great- I love that he is so in tune with emotions and he's empathetic and such a sweetheart.  He's not super macho.  But then he can be a drama queen, like I said.   Sheepish.gif  But overall he's domestic and romantic and wonderful.  I hope we can hit a stride with baby#2, or at least can get back to "the way we were" before kids once the boys are a little older.  Fingers crossed.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abraisme View Post

Yeah, this is how I am and my DH is the emotional one.  He's hormonal enough for both of us.  lol.gif

 

But like the other mamas have said, my dh is a great guy.  He works really hard for his family (at a job that he doesn't like) and he'll pretty much do anything that I ask of him.  He's super productive around the house (outside chores, building things, etc) and really gets more done than any husband I know of.  He really does balance me out, as he's way more sensitive and emotional than I am.  It's takes both kinds of personalities to raised balanced kids, right?  :)


 



Your dh went to the grocery store?!!  Ha ha.



 



 

post #876 of 1015

Nope, pretty much never.  When he lived on his own he ate every meal out.  He can buy 1 specifically directed item or beer, that's pretty much it.  He hates shopping of all sorts and it really awful to take along.  The plus side is that I get 100% control over his diet (he's lost 20lbs since we got married and he wasn't fat before) and his clothing wardrobe.  I buy it, he wears/eats it, that's how it goes around here. 

 

Since I came into my relationship with a child, we have no idea what it's like to not have them.  It's actually something we've talked about..  Will we like still like each other when the kids are gone?  I guess one plus side of this is that it wasn't a huge adjustment when we had #2. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jbk21 View Post

Your DH doesn't go to the grocery store?!  Mine LOVE grocery shopping.  I think he likes it more than me.  I have to say, my DH tends to be more feminine, though.  He's sensitive and really thoughtful.  He's also more emotional than me, I think.  I don't get mood swings... he does.  haha!  I am the centered, calm one most of the time.  In a lot of ways this is great- I love that he is so in tune with emotions and he's empathetic and such a sweetheart.  He's not super macho.  But then he can be a drama queen, like I said.   Sheepish.gif  But overall he's domestic and romantic and wonderful.  I hope we can hit a stride with baby#2, or at least can get back to "the way we were" before kids once the boys are a little older.  Fingers crossed.
 



 



 

post #877 of 1015

All these babies are coming.... WHERE IS MINE!

post #878 of 1015

I'll take you to the hospital for some pitocin if you'd like?  ROTFLMAO.gif  Maybe a black market cervadil will get things going?   Really though, I'm sure it'll be soon! 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paigekitten View Post

All these babies are coming.... WHERE IS MINE!


 

All of these babies being born between 37-39w really has me thinking..  I'll be 37w on Monday, if I go into labor next week I will be very mentally un-prepared.  Who of us (besides the new mamas) have had a surprise early baby, how did you handle it?  Everything in my mind is set and planned for the week of Thanksgiving..

post #879 of 1015
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abraisme View Post

I'll take you to the hospital for some pitocin if you'd like?  ROTFLMAO.gif  Maybe a black market cervadil will get things going?   Really though, I'm sure it'll be soon! 
 


 

All of these babies being born between 37-39w really has me thinking..  I'll be 37w on Monday, if I go into labor next week I will be very mentally un-prepared.  Who of us (besides the new mamas) have had a surprise early baby, how did you handle it?  Everything in my mind is set and planned for the week of Thanksgiving..


I'm with you, Abra.  I'm not ready.  I would FREAK if I went into labor.  So many things to do!  

 

post #880 of 1015
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paigekitten View Post

All these babies are coming.... WHERE IS MINE!

 You're still 10 days out from your EDD, right?  Katie, were your other babies early?

 

 

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