Appointments: supposed to be oct. 13, got pushed back to oct 19 :( I'm disappointed, I was looking forward to meeting our midwife!
Symptoms: same old, same old. It's been getting less severe which is nice, and somedays i feel totally normal. I'm looking forward to second trimester where I'll feel good and it'll be obvious that I'm pregnant instead of now where i just look fat.
Today for some reason I'm super super exhausted and queasy, which is strange because I feel like I slept better last night then I do normally and ate better last night then I do normally. The food aversions have decreased quite a bit, which is making it easier to find things I can stomach. Still eating a lot of garbage and craving sugar like MAD. Last night I went through the remainder of a bag of gummy bears that we've had for months (not a ton, maybe 1 handful?). I wasn't enjoying them but couldn't stop.
Exercise: none. I do a meander around the dog park 2-3 times a week, and do some intensive housecleaning whenever I can but that's about it.
Body changes: a few people commented at work yesterday that I was definitely looking pregnant. Not sure if I thought it was nice or aggravating, still haven't decided. I now have a double pooch- the little belly that's just like the pooch you get after babies (does it ever go away?) and another one starting lower down where my uterus is. I can see the delination between fat and baby now, it's kind of... gross.
Thoughts: I'm feeling frustrated and solely responsible for everything, which is totally pissing me off. I work 32 hours a week but still do ALL grocery shopping, cooking, baking, laundry, cleaning, dressing of children, getting kids into bed, piano lessons for Nigella, pet care, etc etc. Basically I do everything- and I can't. I haven't baked in probably a month or more, I'm no where near staying on top of the housework- not even close, I'm lucky on most days if i can do a load of dishes and put away a few toys- and no one seems inclined to help. I talked to my husband and told him how important it is to help me out, how tired I am these days, and how he really really had to do a lot to help me while I was at work all day Sunday and he was home or I'd end up doing it all myself and hating him. He threw toys helter-skelter on to the shelves and started to load the dishwasher. In 9 hours. That's all he did. My brother moved in so I could pick up more shifts at work and so I could do things like clean or work on renovations and he could watch the kids, but he whines about every change in plans, every extra 20 minutes. He gets free room and board plus $100/mo for his time (16 hours of babysitting a week), and he never does a thing to help out or pitch in- like wash his own dishes. I've talked to him about it, and it got better for 2 days then stopped again. I kind of get it- why should HE bother to help pick up around the house when the house looks like no one ever does anything? When no one even bothers to put their damn trash in the garbage can?
I can't live like this. I'm going to have a meltdown, or move away by myself so someone else can deal with the problem for a change. I've decided- as of today- that my husband does the kitchen. If the kitchen is not SPOTLESS every day, I'm hiding his computer power cable so he can't play his stupid video games. My brother gets the living room, or I'll take his power bar so he can't play HIS stupid video games. If the two main living areas remain always tidy then I can probably stay on top of the rest of it, but I get so demoralized when I don't have time to do anything for me, or play with my kids, or read books or do crafts or feed them decent food because I can't keep anything clean. I'm not even here long enough to make a mess but I'm the only one who does anything about it.
Sometimes I think... If I left for a few months, Jeff would realize how freaking impossible this is- two juggle two kids, a work schedule, meals, shopping, and housework with no one else hwo ever ever picks up the slack. But that won't happen. Realistically, I'll quit my job in January (this is my other plan, if hiding computer cables doesn't work) and he can get a second part time job.