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Falling into Bajingo Juice: TTC #1 in our 30s - October 2011 - Page 15

post #281 of 427

bah. :(

post #282 of 427

Indie - welcome and thanks for jumping in so quickly with the supportive thoughts. I really appreciate it.


Boots - I'm going to schedule an appointment with my OB in the next few weeks, I think. I've only seen her once before and talked with her on the phone once, but she was really supportive and completely willing to work with me on exploring options. She also has a really good way of saying things to me that make me feel better... or at least heard. Today's negative test has brought up a whole slew of emotions... I'm definitely in a slump right now. How did you pull out of yours last month?


Lilac - Can't help you with the geometry proofs. My kiddos are still learning that their shapes! I admire you for being both a teacher and a guidance counselor. Love that you've got new ideas to be excited about!


Pitch - Love you too! We'll catch up when you have a moment. Oh... and you cracked me up with your 20 point font!!! Twenty children... *sigh*... at least they are twenty well cared for kids. The inequity of the universe is just annoying though.


Hey Krunchy!


erica - Those milestones... the would have's... can be so stinkin' sneaky. You are most definitely allowed a pity party.


Cal - enjoy the baby making marathon! Whenever Mr. T suggests a daily marathon, I sometimes wonder where I'm going to pull the energy from!! His face always falls a little when I tell him every other day is more my pace.


I'm... bleh. I had a small break down this evening and cried at my husband. I'm just really struggling with keeping myself together right now. I have too many responsibilities and limited emotional energy to expend. I feel like I'm juggling about five or six goldfish bowls... and doing it badly. Any wrong move is going to result in at least one bowl smashing to the floor and a goldfish dying. I have to step back from something. I just can't handle all of this stress AND manage my emotions while I'm TTC. After talking it over with my husband, we've decided that I need to step down from the dance board that I'm chairing. I had planned to fade out - stepping down as chair during elections next month, and then only committing to remaining on the board until July so there is a smooth transition. But I really need out sooner. The only reason there IS a board is because I wanted to step back from organizing the dance scene and wanted it to still exist so I could enjoy participating in it. It took a year to get the board set up. Three years after starting the process of setting up the board, things are just now getting going well enough for me to feel almost good about leaving and I'm just burnt out. I'm worried that the new folks who just joined aren't ready to run themselves, but at this point, I'm realizing that I can't stay and maintain any degree of enjoyment in something that I used to feel so passionate about. My hobby has become a chore. Starting in January (or sooner if I continue to feel so overwhelmed), my only contribution to the dance scene is going to be my weekly beginner lessons. That will be a load off... and maybe I will start enjoying dance as much as I used to.


I've also decided that I need to tell my boss that I won't be the secretary for faculty and teacher's council meetings beyond this school year. I've done it for two years... someone else can have a turn.


Maybe cutting those responsibilities out will help me balance the rest. Cutting classes out isn't an option. I'm so close to finishing and HAVE to start my practicums this coming spring. Not sure how to work that... I've been teaching preschool for almost 15 years and have to do practicums! While I understand the importance of them, this transition to higher education requirements doesn't take into account those of us who have been actively doing the job already. Somehow, I have to figure out how to get someone to observe me for ten hours a week. I don't have a clue where the money is supposed to come from to pay them for their time.


And there is so much that I want to do in my classroom - and I simply haven't had the time or energy to do most of it. I realized that I used to get all of these things done... and realized that was before I was in school myself, before I chaired a board, before I taught dance on the side, before I took on extra jobs/committee work at the school, and before I became obsessed with becoming a parent.


Maybe with cutting back on what I am able to, I'll feel a little more sane. I'm realizing that I've been a bit depressed since June and just hiding it well under all of the responsibility. But more and more, I'm just wasting time aimlessly. I used to be creative... do art projects... I was learning how to knit. Now, I use the excuse of not having time, but really, I waste a lot of time that I would normally have spent on those activities. I guess the point of all of my rambling is that I'm realizing the importance of saying no to other people so that I can say yes to myself.

post #283 of 427

Cal, I hear you about the friend-pregnant thing. I just found out yet another friendiquance is pg. I swear, that makes every married couple we know, almost. Oh and my coworker who whines to me about not getting pregnant and how stressful it is and she's been trying for ONE MONTH. Thanks for being supportive there, coworker. She knows very well we've been trying for like...17 months. :(


TT, I really think it sounds like you have a good action plan to reduce some of your responsibilities. Honestly, school (your degree) and school (your job) should take precedence, especially if your not enjoying your hobby activities. I just can't do anything like that during the school year, even hanging out with people at knitting group is too social and too much of a commitment to be mentally present for me.

I bet you'll start feeling better about things when you can give what you must do more of your energy and attention.


How did I get out of my slump...it was a hard one. Why do some months matter more than others? It was really the worst I've been through. I really wanted to have one of those cute stories like my friend "I got pregnant the month before I started clomid, I guess we just needed a little motivation, wink wink" but no such luck.

I took a whole day off just because I was depressed. I slept a lot, took extra b-vitamins and just eventually let the tide of my job and every day life pull me forward. One day I thought it wasn't so bad, then found out another friend was pregnant, started feeling better, a week later another pregnancy announcement. Each of those felt like a punch, but not being pushed all the way back down.

I remember you mentioning phone games once! I played a lot of time-management games on my phone, just mindless but consuming.


Okay, AFM,


Last night of Clomid. I haven't had too bad of side effects (Thanks for the support andaluza!) just mild cramping and a giant pimple I named Clovis the Clomid Zit. My mood has been okay, that was my main concern.

Next Wednesday evening we're going to the free seminar at the fertility clinic. I need to call tomorrow and get an actual appointment. I tried to use their online appointment request and nobody called me back (at least they didn't leave a message, I was getting a lot of random election calls)I'm hoping we made a good choice of fertility clinics. I guess we'll find out soon, I just don't want to be on clomid unmonitored for another month.


post #284 of 427
Thread Starter 

Sorry TickleToes that so far it has been negative.  There was someone recently that didn't get their BFP until 17 days DPO.  Maybe yours is still to come.  Divesting your life of "good" but not necessary activities is an excellent plan.  I need to do that myself in a more concerted way.


Boots, I hope you can get your appointment.  Just seems odd to me to be on a fertility drug, Clomid, without being monitored.


For me, I am trying to lose 20 pounds like my doctor asked me to to jump start things.  So far, I have lost 6.2 pounds.  I will keep it up.  I want a baby!

post #285 of 427

TickleToes... as I always say... you do what you can... and just feel good about that. I know sometimes juggling is necessary... but just do what you can. And that's okay enough. Overwhelmed is such a horrible feeling, but just know that you WILL look back one day (and hopefully soon) and be like "Wow. See. I did it. Wasn't that bad!" hug2.gif


bootsvalentine... there are side effects to Clomid? Why do I know nothing!! eyesroll.gif Lol. I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to ever take that because of having had breast cancer that was hormone related, but... clomid is used to MAKE you ovulate? Or is there more to it?


And I'm so glad we can all be the crazies together about thinking everyoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee is pregnant but me thing! I have one good friend who is in the same boat as me, and we whine constantly to each other and we LET ourselves do it. It's so nice to have someone to vent to who won't dismiss your feelings or make you feel like an arse. And we both promised and swore when the other one gets pregnant, we will NOT be sad or jealous! We will be super happy for them! energy.gifAlthough... I really feel like we will be prego at the same time. We shall seeeee!

post #286 of 427

Oh yeah, and on a positive note... got a + OPK yesterday!! Yipee! Since I started taking my B vitamins, I have to say... I feel fannnntastic! I've taken prenatals and fish oils for about 6 months, but literally the day after I started taking the B's, I noticed a significant difference. Crazy!


Happy Veteran's Day and Happy 11.11.11 to all!! namaste.gif

post #287 of 427

Tickletoes - I agree about waiting for your BFN before giving up hope!  My same friend who is all into her pg self on Facebook didn't get a BFP until almost 20 DPO.


Boots - LOL on "Clovis the Clomid Zit!"  Hormones and zits are besties, I've decided.  I have a giant shoulder zit I used to get before my birth control days right before my period... it's back... in exactly the same spot.


erica - I've heard there can be some intense Clomid symptoms.  My cousin was cranky, angry, had hot flashes, and no reserves over her temper.  She also had pretty bad acne.  Basically, she was a hot mess.  The worst part is, she knew it and felt horrible about herself.  But it worked fast.  When I got the call that she was pg, I was so relieved for her.


AFM - baby making marathon (BMM) starts today!  My DH feels oh so manly.  He is going to purchase some zinc today, he is hoping to find a zinc gummy vitamin, as gummies are all he will take.  He has to work tomorrow and Sunday during the day, so it will be on me to create romantic, happy, zen environments for us this weekend.  After having run actual marathons, this should be easy, especially since TTC doesn't require pushing through pain, perfect nutrition, hydration, and dealing with all sorts of mental blocks.  Oh... wait. twins.gif

post #288 of 427

Hi ladies! Sooo, any news, Teamviddy? Your chart is not posted, so I can't stalk you!


Hi tickletoes, I hope that you are able to manage everything soon and have a bfp to occupy your thoughts. Sometimes I'm thankful for the stuff that distracts me, but other times I'm afraid I don't do everything well because ttc is also a huge distraction. It occupies so much of my mental space. It sounds like you've made a great decision about the dance board and I'm sure everyone will miss you but understand.


Welcome, indie1976! I hope your stay here is short! Best wishes with the clomid. I just finished 3 months of it and, while I took to it pretty well, no bfp. But I'm hoping it helped my body learn to do its job a little better! 


I'm glad the clomid is not messing with you, bootsvalentine! That's so funny about the clomid zit! I had the clomid zit farm. 


I hear you, Pitchounette, about wanting to have a bfp for the holidays. I have been telling my mom everything and you can really hear her quietness when I tell her if af comes.... She said she wanted me to have a belly at the holidays, so even if I do get pregnant in the next few months, that will not happen anyway. You are so right about water. I think that having to do opks really messes with my water intake precisely when I need water the most around o time. 


Those sound like great numbers, krunchyk! I hope you don't need to deal with that tube and get a bfp this cycle.


Mexilady, I agree. I never thought I would let ttc consume me in the ways it has, but it seems impossible for it to not--my life is punctuated by ttc issues, from when I wake up to temp, when I pee for the opks or hpts, what I eat and drink. It's so often on my mind. I tell myself the same thing about surrendering, which is so foreign to my personality, I don't know if my mind believes.


Calpurnia7, I hope that the bd marathon goes great! I love your parallel with a real marathon! Your brother-in-law sounds like he's clueless. Sorry that you have to deal with that.


Great news about the weight loss, lilacvioletiris! Let's hope it does the trick!


Great news about your opk, ericaf! I'm so happy that the b vitamins are working well for you!


AFM,I'm on cd5, trying to be healthy and prep my body for o (lots of red/purple fruits and veggies). I went for a great run today, but I've been bad about getting exercise with all the busyness lately.

My face is clearing up amazingly since I'm not on clomid, but I actually think it has to do with the soap I bought from Lush (coalface). I am concerned that it contains licorice root, since it is a no-no for oral consumption during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Apparently it mimics estrogen in the body. But it's been like magic.


Anyone have any thoughts/opinions about using it topically? I think I'll have to stop around o time. It figures.


post #289 of 427
Thread Starter 

The weekend has arrived!  Praise the Lord!  Intense time with freshman students setting up for a fundraiser tomorrow.  A bunch of kids who all want to do their own thing.  We finally got everything finished though and tomorrow should go well!

post #290 of 427
Originally Posted by andaluza View Post


AFM,I'm on cd5, trying to be healthy and prep my body for o (lots of red/purple fruits and veggies). I went for a great run today, but I've been bad about getting exercise with all the busyness lately.

My face is clearing up amazingly since I'm not on clomid, but I actually think it has to do with the soap I bought from Lush (coalface). I am concerned that it contains licorice root, since it is a no-no for oral consumption during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Apparently it mimics estrogen in the body. But it's been like magic.


Anyone have any thoughts/opinions about using it topically? I think I'll have to stop around o time. It figures.


Yummmmm to red and purple fruits and veggies!  What are your faves?  I *love* roasted beets.  I've been practically inhaling kale, as it's super cheap and delicious!  Even my greens-hating DH loves it sauteed with garlic until it gets crispy.  And one of my favorite snacks is sliced red bell pepper dipped in chipotle hummus.


On the skin care piece - drinking water with lemon really helps my skin clear up.  I thought I would have severe acne post quitting birth control, but it hasn't been that bad.  I also have a Murad sulfur acne spot treatment that dries zits up pretty quickly.  Sea vegetables are also good for the skin, you could try a spirulina supplement.  Whole Foods sells spirulina in tablets that you can take with your vitamins.  It's loaded with iron and B vitamins, so also probably good for fertility.


erica - congrats on getting your OPK!


lilac - I hear ya regarding the weekend! 


Mexilady - I hope the weekend gives you a chance to relax and pamper yourself over the weekend.  Maybe go get a facial, massage, or a mani pedi?  It's so hard not to obsess over TTC.  I get really annoyed when I see all of my friends posting pictures of their baby bumps and babies on Facebook, but it's important to remember that we all have our challenges and accomplishments.  I thought I would have a BFP the second month in, as TTC has not been a challenge for most of my family members, I have a very good relationship with my DH, and I obsess over my health and wellness.  I felt somehow entitled to an easy time getting pregnant.  But everyone has their time for everything.  It took me years to find a fulfilling career.  Many ladies my age are much farther along in their careers than I am, but I enjoy going to work every day and feel great about what I do.  What I do love about TTC is how it's bringing my husband and I close together.  We were both nervous when we started, but now we're both really excited to have a baby together.  He is more romantic and affectionate.  I feel more attuned to his needs and moods.  You seem like a very smart, funny, hard working woman and you should feel good about where you are in your life!  This is just another challenge.  We are strong ladies, we can do this!  Surround yourself with support and love.  You need it for yourself, and for your future peanut.


AFM - CD 11, woke up this morning to some very surprising EWCM.  DH is at work, I'm lounging and watching some recorded shows on the DVR.  Ahhh, weekends are good.  So as I sip my coffee, how many of you ladies have stopped drinking coffee?  I have 1 to 2 cups a day and decided to health it up by switching from French Vanilla Silk creamer to unsweetened vanilla almond milk with cinnamon.  I have 1-2 cups of green tea a day as well, either hot or iced.  I can't imagine giving up coffee, but I will if I have to. caffix.gif


post #291 of 427

Hi ladies, I hope that everyone's weekend is going well!

Lilac, I'm sure your guidance with the fundraiser will have helped make it a success! 


Calpurnia7, you're amazing, thanks for the suggestions! I looked into the murad. I had a sample of it a long time ago and remember it drying things up really well. The only concern I have is that it still contains salicylic acid, which I'm trying to avoid. It may not have much, though, since the concentration isn't listed and it's pretty far down on the ingredients. If you're only using it as a spot treatment, I'm sure much can't be absorbed. It is annoying, though, because it seems as though there are certain ingredients that are nearly impossible to avoid (obviously because they are so d*mn effective!). I did track down an olay mask with sulphur that doesn't have salicylic acid (but does have parabens, so you can never win, it seems).


I have been thinking about using spirulina, so I'm going to check it out next time I'm at Whole Foods. Lemon water sounds like a great idea, since we have so many in the fridge 


I have another question! Has anyone used the Target brand opks (test strips, not digitals) and are they more sensitive than most? I ask because I started testing with them yesterday (cd6) and there is already a light test line. I know it's not positive yet, but in my experience, my opks take a looooong time to show even the test line, only when I'm pretty close to ovulation itself. On my only nonmedicated cycle that I used opks, back in July, I never got a positive or even a test line (but I wasn't holding urine then and had been drinking a ton of water). Then, the last 3 months, it would only briefly get a test line and become slightly + a day or so before ovulation's glaring +. I need to compare these alongside the dollar store tests, I suppose, since I know how those work with my body. It is just weird since this is my first "normal" cycle and I an curious about how my body is going to react, and it seems like I may ovulate sooner.


Happy Sunday! It's a beautiful day here, so I'm going for a run!

post #292 of 427

Boots - Its those mindless, but consuming phone games that I've been escaping to and totally wasting my time with. Thanks for the advice and the encouragement. I really appreciate it. Glad your mood has been okay while on the clomid... and your sense of humor working well enough to name a zit! I really hope that all goes well with your fertility clinic and that they are very supportive.

Everyone - thanks for the encouragement and positive thoughts this week. AF came yesterday at 16 DPO. I spent half the day crying in bed and most of the rest of it moping. Mr. T bought us tickets to see Joshua Bell in concert - the solo violinist from The Red Violin movie. He cooked up a lovely dinner, we went to the concert (which was amazing), then returned home for some tiramisu and watched The Red Violin. It helped pull me out of the funk a little. I love my husband so much.


Looking back over my charts, it looks like the June miscarriage altered my luteal phase. Before June, it was typically 14 days and sometimes 13 or 15. After June its been typically 15 and sometimes 14 or 16. I guess my lesson in this is to not read anything into my chart until at least 16 DPO now.... as if a two week wait isn't long enough.


Sending positive, fertile thoughts to everyone.

post #293 of 427
Thread Starter 

The fundraiser went very well last night!  Freshman made some excellent money and now we have great ideas for next year!

post #294 of 427

andaluza... I use the Wondfo ovulation strips from Amazon. I love those things. 25 for $5.77 I test like a mad man cause they're so cheap! Lol. I usually am pretty good knowing when I should test, and I usually get a positive about 12 hours or so from when I originally test. Ever try them? I've never used any other brand. I always get a super dark control line pretty much asap too. And when I ammm ovulating (or about to, obviously) the test and control lines pretty much come up simultaneously.


tickletoes... sorry about AF, but it sounds like you had a really nice night and an even nicerrrr hubby!! Wow. heartbeat.gif And my miscarriage in August has definitely messed with my luteal phase, but it's shortened mine!! Greatttt. eyesroll.gif


Soooo, everyone else... can you look at my chart and tell me which day you think I ovulated? I know it's a bit early, but I'm thinkinggggg on Friday, CD 14, but I'm not really so good at knowing the day of actual ovulation. I had my first + OPK on CD 13... here's the link in case those one in my signature doesn't work (and can someone tell me if that link in my signature DOES work?) I'm wondered if I timed the BD well enough this month cause of courseeeeeeeeeeeeeee my hubby work a 24 hours shift Thursday night and Friday day. Sigh. 


Link in case my email sig link doesn't work: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/35f26d



post #295 of 427

Erica, given the timing of your positive OPK's, I'm guessing you O'd on cd 14. Best of luck!


Edited to add - I'm sorry that your luteal phase is messed up too. I hope its not too short?

post #296 of 427

Okay, I'm feeling proud of myself. Even though I've been crying pretty much all weekend, I'm taking those irrevocable steps towards unloading some stress. I told my best friend, who is currently on the dance board and is also leaving, my plans to quit. She was very supportive and didn't offer to stay on - which makes me glad. She needs to get off for her own reasons and I would have felt very guilty if she had chosen to stay because of my decision to leave. I emailed a few people to let them know of my decision and will be telling the board tomorrow. Whether I can tell them without crying is another story... since I seem to be doing it at the drop of a hat, I'm not sure that I'll be successful with that.


The other thing I'm proud of myself for is that the other dance instructor called me and said that she and her partner won't be able to teach beyond December. After a very brief chat with my husband, we decided that we can't take on teaching her classes in addition to ours. So I sent out another email asking someone else if they are able to take it on and starting a conversation about what can happen if none of us can teach it. I feel less good about saying no to teaching the extra class, because I think the success of the dance scene largely depends on education... but I do feel good about forming a boundary.

post #297 of 427


tickletoes: It was last month. My luteal phase was 14 days last cycle (the first cycle I really started charting) but I spotted ever ever everrrr so slightly for 4 days before I got my period making my luteal phase really only 10 days and possibly indicating low progesterone. That's why I started supplementing more with B6. Just in case! Hey, did my chart link in my signature work? Or did you have to follow the other one I posted?


calpurnia7: I think I may be one of the only weirdos on the planet who doesn't drink coffee. I do like tea, but I don't drink it often... and I cut out soda about 4 months or so ago, so I think I'm actually good on the caffeine front amazingly enough! I literally only really drink water or sometimes cranberry & seltzer together. Yum!

post #298 of 427
Thread Starter 

Erica, I don't drink coffee or tea, never have.  Hot liquids were never a big thing with my parents (they didn't drink coffee either).  There are those of us that just never picked up the habit.  I don't think anything clickable works in the signatures.  Seems odd, but I think I read it somewhere.  Better to just put your link in using text so people can copy and paste at will or include in a forum post like you did to click.


TickleToes, good job on boundary setting!  Absolutely necessary.  Hopefully I can do the same in my situations.  It is so hard when I have a passion for the things I do.  But determining what is really important and doing those things is so necessary.

post #299 of 427

Tickletoes-- Sorry about AF!  I am in the 2ww right now and feeling anxious.  I think you're making a great move by lightening your load-- I am trying to think of something to let go as well.

post #300 of 427

Folks, I am sorry that for the third time in a row I haven't had a chance to read through and find out who has had wonderful success and hard times. I am really wishing all of you the best.


I am just finishing AF. My cousin is getting married in Vermont next July and I might ask my sweetie if we can pull out this month (pun intended ;) so we can still go to the wedding next year. I am a planner by nature and all of these questions about next year are just a little crazy-making... It is very hard to think strategically!


Thinking of all of you, wishing you lots of baby luck!



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