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I make other parents cringe... - Page 2

post #21 of 52

You sound exactly like me!

post #22 of 52

i think if a CL mama posted her what she allows in her house, many posters here would cringe. 

post #23 of 52

The video games, cussing and food stuff make me cringe.  I'm not a huge fan of publicly naked kids, but it doesn't really make me cringe.

 

I don't think unlimited screen time is healthy for anyone and I have serious issues with violent media and children.  

 

As an adult, I've had a difficult time making sure my language is appropriate, so I would rather my kiddos not start a bad habit.

 

I am very involved in healthy eating decisions.  My mom let me "free range" and it essentially led to some major health problems and an eating disorder.  I seek DD's opinions about her food preferences and never say no to fruit or veggie requests at the store, but I don't think a free range approach to food works for most families.  We expect our kids to be open to a wide array of food choices and don't do "kid food" at our house. We all eat healthy meals and suppers are all the same. 

post #24 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post
 As in it might worry them like job issues or monetary issues then I won't bring it up. 


That's kinda where we are. We talk openly about a wide range of topics in front of and with our kids, but when we knew that we would be moving because daddy's job was going away and didn't know where we would be going, we didn't drop a hint of it to the kids. It would have stressed them out unnecessarily. We waited until there was a plan.

 

We do talk openly about politics, religion, pop culture, etc. Everything is open game and they are encouraged to have their own opinions.

 

Actually, you and I parent a lot a like, and it does bother a few people I know. They think my children should be horrid, but instead they are quite calm and mature. No body in my house wants to run around naked, but the kids have tons of freedom. thumb.gif

post #25 of 52
Thread Starter 
My reason for allowing cussing? If you just need to let it out, then do it and get it over with.

Food choices are based on what is available to them. Unhealthy does not reside in our home
I suffered with anorexia because I was told I was fat, forced to eat all that was on my plate and no e of it was healthy. I took control of myself by not eating. Something I still suffer with

Playing online games includes half the family at ant given time. DD 2 increased her reading comprehension by two grade levels this summer. Also we had over 60 days of above 100degree weather. Playing outside wasn't always a safe option.

Since the weather change we're forcin g the girls inside for bathes. And bedtime.
post #26 of 52

Thanks for inspiring me mama, a breath of fresh air is your post, i feel so much better just knowing there are other people out there like this.... (have my kids been wathcing too much star wars?)

 

Have more to say, later....

post #27 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

My reason for allowing cussing? If you just need to let it out, then do it and get it over with.
Food choices are based on what is available to them. Unhealthy does not reside in our home
I suffered with anorexia because I was told I was fat, forced to eat all that was on my plate and no e of it was healthy. I took control of myself by not eating. Something I still suffer with
Playing online games includes half the family at ant given time. DD 2 increased her reading comprehension by two grade levels this summer. Also we had over 60 days of above 100degree weather. Playing outside wasn't always a safe option.
Since the weather change we're forcin g the girls inside for bathes. And bedtime.
 
 
We have the same experience with the games.  We have friends from DS's former Waldorf-y independent school who just cringe about the gaming, but it really is a family activity, and one thing my husband really enjoys doing with the kids.  And both boys really improved their reading through game play (DD is a book worm, anyway, ut she loves her game time, too.


 

post #28 of 52
Thread Starter 

Yeah and as different as we are... my friend just called to ask me or DH to pick her kids up on friday and keep them til late in the evening.  She has other choices.  Her kids just like coming here just as mine love to go there.  Mostly because they have snacks we don't have and her kids apparently love losing to me in a friendly game of horse... Ok I cheat sometimes. 

post #29 of 52

Those are the great friends, the ones that can be very different and everyone still loves being together.  I think kids get so much great exposure from being friends with people whose families have different ways.  It's such a great big world with so much excitement and if we all avoided people who were different or stuck a sock in our mouth and didn't mention differences just to avoid conflict, the world would get pretty boring.

post #30 of 52

LynnS6, you sound just like me.

post #31 of 52

OP: I wish you were MY mom. ;)

post #32 of 52

I can't agree with including kids in every conversation.

 

I have a friend who allows her 10 year old son to sit with us for every visit and participate in the conversation. I'm sorry, but sometimes I want to have girl talk with my friend. Alone. I want to talk about politics without having to explain it to a ten year old or hear his opinion. I want to vent about my husband, or share how my son (his friend) is having a hard time in school. Those topics are not ones that I want him to have any input in or knowledge about. Often I have to tell him to go find his friend and play, because this is an adult conversation.

post #33 of 52
Thread Starter 


I'm not talking about conversation that don't include family members.  Sometimes conversations between two people are somewhat confidential.  That's different and understood in our house.  They don't listen into my phone conversations with my friends and I don't listen into their conversations with their friends.  Even though the tidbits I get now and then are pretty darn cute.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie05 View Post

I can't agree with including kids in every conversation.

 

I have a friend who allows her 10 year old son to sit with us for every visit and participate in the conversation. I'm sorry, but sometimes I want to have girl talk with my friend. Alone. I want to talk about politics without having to explain it to a ten year old or hear his opinion. I want to vent about my husband, or share how my son (his friend) is having a hard time in school. Those topics are not ones that I want him to have any input in or knowledge about. Often I have to tell him to go find his friend and play, because this is an adult conversation.



 

post #34 of 52

maybe she said that because she feels guilty for feeling that way and just had to say something to get it off her chest?

 

my *favorite* cousin once got a car she loved. no idea the make or year. she talked on and on about it on the phone. when i finally saw it, she was so happy and it took all my might to not say anything negative. finally at the end i blurted out, "well as long as you like it..." and made a face. it just came out. i didnt know what to say, i couldnt keep my mouth shut, i instantly regretted saying it... 

 

im glad you have such a good friend and you can look past parenting styles

post #35 of 52

Honestly, I agree with pretty much everything on your list. I allow my DD (10) the freedom to use whatever language she feels is appropriate -- she rarely chooses to curse, but if she does, she is free to say whatever she'd like. She also understands that such language is not always appropriate, and that discretion should be used when out with friends, at school or with certain members of our extended family. I also allow her to paint her nails any color she chooses (even black, which is her current favorite), choose what she wants to wear (as long as it's weather-appropriate and/or doesn't make her look like a hobo), and (mostly) self-regulate what she chooses to watch on TV. I'm sure many parents with different parenting styles would cringe knowing that my DD has a TV with Netflix and a Wii in her room, and that we do not restrict what she watches, because she has never given us a reason to. She has very specific tastes in movies and TV shows, and I have never had to ask her to not watch something that she's chosen to watch. I'm sure the day will come when she will choose something inappropriate, and I will step in at that point, but for now she has a good grasp on whether a movie or tv show is something that would interest her, so I let her choose. The exception to this is that she is really into Manga and Anime, and a lot of the series that seem age-appropriate are actually not, so she always needs to check with me or DH before reading a new series. Other than that, I encourage her to be independent and make her own choices, even if some of them end up not turning out how she'd planned -- valuable lessons learned :) 

post #36 of 52
Thread Starter 

Definitely.  And how do they know what they really like if we make all their choices for them.  I know kids who never once got to choose what they could listen to and what they could watch.  Or read for that matter.  Then one day the see read or hear something that they never knew existed.  Obviously there are things I won't allow in my house due to the fact that I don't find it appropriate for myself .  LIke Techo... Kidding.  Though I still can't stand that stuff.  I've tried.  One of my best friends will torture me on car rides with it.

post #37 of 52
Much of your list does make me cringe. I wouldn't want my kids in a house where hours of video games are the norm. I don't think unlimited screen time is a healthy thing. Nor do I want my kids around other kids and adults who curse and believe it's ok. I think profanity is tacky and vulgar and while I'm first to admit I slip up and use it, I always make it clear that I shouldn't have. I don't think kids need to be included in everything I'm discussing with my friends. Our whole family eats the same healthy food. I don't make special orders, and they don't get to eat what they want, when they want (or it would be chocolate for breakfast). And with a pre-teen boy, running around nude when guests are over is definitely not appropriate. My kids get to make plenty of choices, including input when I plan meals. They are not deprived of freedom. But based on your list, yeah, we wouldn't be hanging out at your place.

However, I don't think your friend accomplished anything by telling you that your parenting style made her cringe. In her shoes, I would simply have let the friendship die a natural death.
post #38 of 52
Thread Starter 

Uh... we've been friends for 8 years.  We watch each others kids often.  Maybe you think that allowing your kids to pick what is good and not good for themselves can be dangerous because inherently they will pick wrong?  Well what is wrong is subjective.  Based on experiences and choices.  DD1 spent weeks playing a game and in the end realized she missed way too many fun things outside with her friends.  I haven't seen her on the computer in months.  She tried to stay up super late all summer and again missed a lot of fun that was going on in the mornings with her friends.  She decided it was best to go to bed early and get up early so that she can be part of the fun.  So she learned from these experiences.  I know people in their 20's that still do stuff like that.  She's 8.   Swearing... I'm not the word police. 

 

You know what?  Why bother.  You'd obviously forgo a friendship over pettiness.  I won't.  I know we're different.  However we make pretty good friends, I respect her choices she respects mine.  Amazing we've been friends for so long? 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post

Much of your list does make me cringe. I wouldn't want my kids in a house where hours of video games are the norm. I don't think unlimited screen time is a healthy thing. Nor do I want my kids around other kids and adults who curse and believe it's ok. I think profanity is tacky and vulgar and while I'm first to admit I slip up and use it, I always make it clear that I shouldn't have. I don't think kids need to be included in everything I'm discussing with my friends. Our whole family eats the same healthy food. I don't make special orders, and they don't get to eat what they want, when they want (or it would be chocolate for breakfast). And with a pre-teen boy, running around nude when guests are over is definitely not appropriate. My kids get to make plenty of choices, including input when I plan meals. They are not deprived of freedom. But based on your list, yeah, we wouldn't be hanging out at your place.
However, I don't think your friend accomplished anything by telling you that your parenting style made her cringe. In her shoes, I would simply have let the friendship die a natural death.


 

post #39 of 52
Hey, we all have different values. If it works for you, great.
post #40 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post

Hey, we all have different values. If it works for you, great.
 
I wasn't going to comment, but I came back because this was irking me.  I get having different parenting values, but what I want to know is whether you are consciously passing on the value of not maintaining friendships with those you disagree with.  We have friendships with people of all faiths (and I mean all, Christian, Atheist, Muslim, Buddhist, don't care, you name it), with and without children, permissive to strict parents.  I love having real conversations with these people, and modelling respectful debate, looking at things from other people's point of view while maintaining your own values, etc.  Wouldn't it be boring if we only ever agreed when talking?  And if a friend modifies the household atmosphere when the kids are visiting, isn't that enough?  If your value is not tolerating differences in friends, that's fine, I'm just wondering if you consciously realized you have this value or if you just avoid confrontation out of fear.
 
What was great about this post was seeing how two very different people can be great friends and how their children can learn about the wide range of diverse family values.


 

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