BTDT mamas, 26 mo old DS, how to wean from nursing to sleep?

[AndtheStars]

I'm sorry for the repetition because I'm sure that there is a thread like this every week or so but I just need some guidance/reassurance.

DS is 26 mo old and he is down to 1-2 nursings in a 24 hours period.  He always (like every single night of his life always) nurses to sleep at night.  The second nurse is usually between 3-7 am when he wakes up from his crib and comes to our bed.  The second nurse happens about 75% of the time.  I'm not worried about dropping this one because he eventually goes back to sleep without it.  

He only nurses to sleep.  Its the only way that he will go to sleep for me.  I have little to no milk anymore and he can't even tell me if there is milk.  When I ask him if there's milk, he looks at me like I'm crazy.  He's never taken a pacifier and doesn't seem to want to suck on anything except my nipple.

I'm cautiously newly pregnant and my nipples are starting to get painful.  I would really like to be done nursing for at least a little while before a new LO comes along just for a break. 

My instinct is to stick with our current night routine but start telling DS that we are going to nurse while Mama sings 'x' song and then we'll rock for 'y' song.  Then maybe in a week or two, tell him that we'll nurse for 'x' song but make it a shorter song and so on until we're only latching on briefly and then off and just singing.  Has anyone done this?  The given lots of warning and then slowly implement routine?  I feel so stupid asking this because it seems like I should just do it and stop thinking about it but I'm afraid DS will never sleep again or our hard-won peaceful night routine will turn back into the 1 hour long scream-fest of 6 months ago.

I think DS is ready because he only nurses because that's how he knows he's going to sleep.  He's not interested in nursing at any other time of day. 

I guess another option would be for DH to put him to bed but that would be a total change in our night routine and I'm afraid of too many new things at once.  We've tried DH and bedtime before but it led to hours of screaming in the crib while DH rocked beside him and sang.  This was a few times between 18 months and now. 

This is getting ridiculous and long.  We've pretty much done CL everything for DS's whole life and it's worked out fairly well.  I'm just afraid without some direction and gentle guidance, DS will always need nursing to sleep.  TIA if you've read this far! 

[GoGoGirl]

We weaned from nursing to sleep at about that age, too.  I was pregnant and nursing just hurt me SO bad that I wanted to cut back on it, and those falling asleep nursings were the ones that made me the craziest. 

We ended up being really lucky...around that same time, DD fell asleep for the night once when she was laying on my lap on the couch and I was massaging her feet with lotion.  She'd never done anything like that before, but I thought "This is my chance!" and went with it.  We started massaging her feet every night at bed time.  At first, after a few minutes of that, she wanted to lay down in bed and nurse to sleep.  But after some time, she started falling asleep while we rubbed her feet.  Now she asks for "lotion feet" when she's ready for bed.  She's also ok with my husband holding her and rubbing her feet while she falls asleep.  This is huge--she'd never fallen asleep for him before, but now she doesn't mind when he does bedtime.  The few times we tried to have him put her to bed (usually by rocking or babywearing) she screamed and screamed until we gave up and I nursed her to sleep.

It was great because it was so gentle...she never cried during the transition.  If she wanted to nurse, I let her, but I always tried to massage her feet first so she got used to that as her soothing falling asleep activity.  We also started doing a bedtime routine around that same time, which I think helped a lot.  Before that we were kind of slapdash about bedtime...around 10 pm I'd say to my husband, "Why the heck is she still up??" and then take her to bed and nurse her to sleep without any sort of winding down time.

A friend of mine used kind of a similar technique...her DS either fell asleep by nursing or babywearing, so she just transitioned him away from nursing to sleep and towards being worn to sleep. 

Since it sounds like there's nothing as obvious as lotioning your DS's feet, or wearing him to sleep, in your situation, I think I would try this...I would add a new step to your bedtime routine before the nursing.  Something soothing that seems like it could put him to sleep, like rocking or a back massage.  And then just always do it for a little while before nursing, and try to increase the time that you're doing it.  Hopefully he'll fall asleep like that eventually, and get used to the idea of that being the thing that helps him go to sleep instead of the nursing.

We did try the "ok you can nurse while I count to 10/sing this song" but it was a disaster for us.  It just pissed DD off and caused a lot of power struggles.  It worked for lots of my friends though!

[AndtheStars]

Thanks so much for the reply!  I wish someone massaged my feet every night.  I'm going to bring that up to DH.  An extra step in the night time routine might work.  We brush teeth, read books, put on pajamas then nurse.  I also thought about nursing before books in hopes that the desire to read books would cut short the nursing time and eventually replace it.  DS is just at that age where everything is a battle.  I hate to deliberately bring one on. 

[Comtessa]

Originally Posted by GoGoGirl 

Before that we were kind of slapdash about bedtime...around 10 pm I'd say to my husband, "Why the heck is she still up??" and then take her to bed and nurse her to sleep without any sort of winding down time.

LOL -- this was us, too.  In fact, it's still us, with the toddler at least.  The baby is another story: you could set you clock by him.  At 8:30 pm, he starts to crab and refuses to calm until I have put him to bed.  Just goes to show you that every kid is different!
 

Originally Posted by AndtheStars 

Thanks so much for the reply!  I wish someone massaged my feet every night.  I'm going to bring that up to DH.  An extra step in the night time routine might work.  We brush teeth, read books, put on pajamas then nurse.  I also thought about nursing before books in hopes that the desire to read books would cut short the nursing time and eventually replace it.  DS is just at that age where everything is a battle.  I hate to deliberately bring one on. 

Us, too.  We're still working on developing a nighttime routine that doesn't bring on a battle.  One thing that has started to work is a gentle nighttime massage.  Similar to the PP who does "lotion feet," my DD requests that I "do toes."  (We always start with her toes, and massage each body part in turn, whispering quietly: "these are your toes, this is the ball of your foot, this is your heel," etc.)  The combination of massage and talking really calms her down.  She hasn't stopped nursing to sleep yet, but I think that "doing toes" is going to be the way we start weaning her off of it.  

I've also found that counting works really well to end a nursing session: I say, "ok, you can nurse for five more seconds," then I count down from five, holding up five fingers to show her.  After 5 seconds on each side, she's done.