Nic-- on deciding to make goals for you. I 100% agree with the sentiment about your DH and goals and places where the sun doesn't shine; that was my first thought when you wrote about his latest goal for you. Good luck with your big day tomorrow, and hope that tomorrow dawns bright after such a difficult day mentally and spiritually.
DrJen--sorry to hear your counts haven't gone up, and the IV portion sounds miserable. Hope you get that run in tomorrow.
tjsmama--good luck tomorrow! Stay warm!
RR: 3, solo (!). I haven't run without a stroller in two or three weeks, so I felt crazy fast--and apparently was since I finished my easy 3 miles in just under 30 minutes.
NRR: Not much done yet, thanks to two very intense and needy children. J didn't nap, so she spent the afternoon asking me to nurse every 10-15 minutes and then nursing for 30 seconds (rinse and repeat!). Ack.
This is the reason I'm also really scared about the job, should I get it (again, long-shot but ya never know). Getting anything done around here is so incredibly hard and requires so much effort as R and J try their hardest to stop anything that isn't 100% focused on them. So, I will have to stay at the office just to get things done. Around here, I get the most done after 9 pm, which means not going to bed until 2 or later and then J was up at 6 this morning, not to mention the umpteen times she woke up screaming overnight (gas, probably from teething). And she rarely meets the 5-hour definition of sleeping through the night, so she wakes up 2 or 3 times between when she finally falls asleep at 9 (usually after I lay down with her for an hour starting at 8), which further cuts into getting anything done.
And OTOH, while I feel like I should be cherishing every minute of this time because they grow up so fast, they are so intense--especially R--that by the end of the day I want to run away. And I may have threatened to do just that to R because she was screaming at the top of her lungs for the third or fourth time tonight and I couldn't take it anymore. DH had been giving them a bath and was trying to deal with her, but after a few minutes I walked in and told her if I heard another peep I was taking J, getting in the car, and leaving. And that's a terrible thing to say to a kid and at the same time, she's almost 7 and she has had a screaming fit every, single weekend for years and often on some weekdays too (there may be a couple of weekends where we haven't had one, but honestly, I'm not exaggerating. I thought they outgrew this after the toddler stage, though apparently DH had screaming fits until he was 7 or 9 or some ridiculously old age). And then there's the guilt about how I suck as a mother, because clearly if I just did things right this wouldn't happen.
So if I landed a FT job with a long commute, at least I wouldn't be around much, but then I'll miss so much and what if the only time around are still all the awful times?
Sorry to dump, again. I'm going to get a grip and finish making the pasta sauce I started. The lack of sleep is really getting to me these days, and unless the children magically gain easy-going personalities, nothing is going to change for a good long while.
ETA: The screaming fits really are something, and really "screaming" doesn't do it justice. It's more like a very loud, high-pitched monster (maybe some sort of dinosaur?) going at it full volume. Do you remember the commercials where people hear something loud and when the camera pans back, their hair is completely blown back like they'd been in an explosion? That's exactly how I feel by the time she's done. On Wednesday, she had two episodes like that because she thought she'd forgotten a little bracelet on the music stand at her violin teacher's house. I told her that was fine, I'd call the teacher and we'd get it next week. She went into full-blown screaming about how she needed it RIGHT. NOW. and was yelling 'oh no' and completely overreacting. This happened three times as we attempted to sort things out--all while we're trying to actually get dinner on the table--and then it turned out the dang thing was on her bed rather than putting it where it belongs. I'm sure others have dealt with similar experiences, but I guess it's just adding a little more emotion to the whole job decision (i.e., "I should get a FT job because I'm clearly not any good as a mother and I hate dealing with this" and alternately, "what if: it makes it harder/exacerbates all the difficult behavior/they hate me because I was never around/I miss all their childhoods and regret it").
Edited by Realrellim - 10/8/11 at 8:25pm