Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy
I actually emailed someone last night & they are supposed to be sending me a list of people in the area today. Then I just have to figure out the money thing. I don't think a college student is a good idea
'cause I'm really screwed up, not just run-of-the-mill screwed up...
I think I read too much lol -- I have heard about so many different diets but they all contradict each other so it's hard to figure out where to start. And how come some sites say bananas (for ex.) are high in salicylates and others says they are low/negligible??? Do I just guess who's right? And I wonder if salicylates pass into breastmilk? I feel like a mad scientist or a detective... except I really don't want to be a scientist, I just want someone to come in & tell me exactly what to do so I can do it & he can be happy. I can dream, right?
Oh and I mentally kept discarding the weighted blanket idea because he hates blankets on him but last night in desperation I put our microwave heating pad on him (not warmed up) -- he fell asleep in 2 minutes! Could be coincidence, he was really tired by then, but I'm going to try for a few days and see if it's worth making an actual blanket. Unfortunately it wouldn't stay on him all night and he slept fitfully again, but even if it just helps him fall asleep, it would be worth it...
A big part of it is him and trying to deal with him & keep him happy... and I know that's not really in my control and I don't really blame myself for being stressed about that, and I know toddlerhood is stressful for lots of moms. The other part is some major personal issues that arose after he was born (having a small child triggered me in many ways, both his actions and his very presence, flashbacks, etc.), and I guess that's the part I'm beating myself up about -- I wish I had known these things would come up, I wish I fully dealt with my 'stuff' before having a kid so it wouldn't affect him in any way, I'm mad at myself for not being able to be the parent I wanted to be & for failing him. I feel like we're caught in a cycle of me being upset which leads him to be more anxious & clingy, which makes me even more upset... you know? It's hard to break that cycle and not get sucked back into it once we've temporarily broken it.
I agree with you completely on not seeing a college student... I've worked with a ton of therapists as a social worker and would collaborate with them on kids/families on my caseload and it was stunning how many just plain stunk at their job....Ones who had been practicing for a long time. If you're going to spend the time seeing a therapist, which is a great idea, I'd see one who would be worth my time.
I hear you on the scientist thing. You know, it is a process, and it can be a long one, but it is so worth it in the end. What helped me is to come up with a checklist of sorts. I did a lot of research but it wasn't like there was one answer. There were so many possible solutions for kids, so many diets to choose from, sensory work, supplements, therapies, etc. I considered all sorts of things, and came up with a list of what I wanted to try first, second, etc. For me, it helped that I kind of gave myself homework. I thought to myself, "okay, we are going to find the solution. There has to be something bothering DS and I know we can find the solution if we just keep working through all the possibilities." I was prepared for it to take years, but felt better believing that at some point, we would figure out what it was that would make his life, and ours, better. The thing about all the diets is, you're right...they all conflict. I also did extended breastfeeding and I'm pretty sure most of the things got into DS's diet. Once we jumped into trying a diet (which, by the way, I did only out of sheer desperation, completely thinking it was a bunch of BS), we started noticing changes, but it still took a long time to figure out the last piece of the puzzle. For instance, oranges and sunflower weren't no-no's in the diet we did, but we found in time that they were huge problems. Diet might not be the be all, end all for your DS. But try to hang onto some hope that you will figure out what is going on with him and you will figure out how to make things better. With kids like ours, it is baby steps that make all the difference. I couldn't believe how much better I felt for instance when bedtime started taking an hour instead of three. Hang in there, mama. It is tough but there is light at the end of the tunnel.