I feel like my world is crumbling

[Summertime Mommy]

I think this is on the right board, but maybe not. DH didn't come home last night, I stayed awake most of the night waiting for him, but Gwen wasn't sleeping well, so I finally went and layed down in bed with her, I was able to sleep in spurts, but kept being awaken by panic attacks. I am really scared because I have no idea where dh is, I actually called the hospital and the sheriffs dept to make sure nothing bad happened. He was supposed to go to his friends funeral today too (friend was in a wreck on Wednesday night), so its not really like him to just not come home and let down all of his other friends who need him. I am really upset and can't stop crying, I am getting angry at my kids for no good reason, and I can't even bring myself to play with Gwen. I have been depressed for quite awhile now, but today it has gotten 10 times worse. I feel like I can't function at all. I keep thinking about suicide, but I would never actually go through with it becasue a) I'm pregnant and b) no one else I know is qualified to raise my kids the way I want them raised, which kind of makes me feel worse, because I know that there is no way out. I just feel so depressed and alone, there is no one IRL I can talk to because my parents don't really care, and my sister just wants to nag me about how I could change my life if I wanted to, and I don't have any friends around here. I just feel so lost, I don't know what to do. I don't really know what I am looking for in typing this post, but I really needed to get all that out.

[wonderfulmom]

((hugs))
A few hours have passed since your post- are things going any better this afternoon? MDC moms care.

[Jish]

How are you doing today? I know that your depression isn't gone, but do you know where your dh is?

Depression is a wicked thing. If it is plaguing you now, know that there are many moms here who have used SSRI's while pregnant. I know that the idea of taking a medication while pregnant is never a pleasant one, but being depressed and anxious and suffering from panic attacks while gestating isn't good for the baby either. It might feel like a no win situation, but if you are faring well, your baby isn't doing the best it can either. If you can't shake this, I highly encourage you to talk to your health care professional about dealing with the depression while pregnant. It isn't fare to you, your child, or your upcoming baby that you feel this way.

Let me know how you're doing.

[**guest**]

Jenna, hon, feel free to pm me anytime. I understand a lot of what you may be feeling.

Has your dh come home??

Hugs,
Liz

[Summertime Mommy]

Thanks so much for your concern, it really means alot. Sorry to post and then not respond for a few days. My dd has been taking up all of my time. DH did finally come home aroumd 10:30 or 11 that morning, and then he left again to be with his friend's family since he missed the funeral. Things are going better than they were the other day though, I am back to functioning normally at least. I have a dr's appt tomorrow, so I think I will probaby discuss this with him, I am scared to take any meds though, as my last baby had a stroke in utero and we have no idea what caused it. So, even though it sounds crazy, I have sworn off all meds during pregnancy (even tylenol.) Well, Gwen is waking up so I need to go, but I just wanted to say thanks for thinking of me it really means alot.

[wonderfulmom]

Summertime Mommy, it's so good to hear from you! We care.

[layla]

Did I miss something here? Summertime, shouldn't you be completely mad at your dh for being so insensitive to you? He knows of your depression, right? Your pg, you have a small child and he's a no show? Where the frig was he? I'm sure he's going through his own stuff also, with his friends death, but it's so not fair to do that to you! Even if he needed some time alone or something, he has a responsibility to you and your family to tell you, "hey, I need a few hours to deal." You can't possibly be expected to deal with all of this right now without his support. Most of us on this board know how hard this must be for you and also probably understand not wanting to go on drugs right now, so he's got to step up to bat so to speak. Again, maybe I missed something, but I think he should be thinking more about you, even if it's only to say that he'll be out of touch for a few hours. What if you took off and didn't come home? He'd likely be freaking out. I really don't mean to sound harsh or something, I just can't figure out why no one is addressing his insensitivity. Before I put my foot any further into my mouth (((hugs))) to you during this tough time!