Pregnant again and hoping for that UC!

[OpenMama]

My son is  recently one and was a planned UC turned Cesarean section.  The birth was, to put it mildly, really upsetting and traumatic.  I wished and prayed so hard for a UC, but ultimately he was quite large and just didn't want to be born that way.  I did not have complications with my Cesarean birth, just the normal sadness and disappointment over the loss of a normal birth, and sadness for my son that he did not get to actually be born the way nature intended.  But, he's great now and doesn't seem to show any problems from the C/S.

Anyway, I recently found out that I am about 7 weeks along!  My husband and I are shocked but thrilled.  My son is still nursing and we plan to continue, of course.  But, I have this nagging feeling that I need to try again to attain that UC I never had.  I feel like I will never have a complete birth experience until I can actually push out a baby all on my own, without pharmaceuticals, doctors and monitors.  I dream of normal birth often.  I am so excited to have the chance to achieve it again.

My husband was never totally okay with UC, but he went along with it because I insisted.  Now, he's pretty opposed.  He says that my pelvis wasn't "meant for birthing."  That hurts me beyond words.  Am I nuts to go for a UC this time around?  Last time, the doctor said I probably had undiagnosed GD which is why my son was so big.  I don't think I did, but who knows?  This time around, I would check my sugars with a home monitor just to be on the safe side.  I am just so emotional and it's hard to know what to do.  I just know that I have to give this baby a chance.

Thanks!

[Adaline'sMama]

Considering that you dont have the support of your husband or your parents(if Im remembering correctly, they were really upset at your choice to do this last time) to attempt another UC and your last UP/UC ended in a c-section. Yes, I think it would be nuts to try again. Your husbands comments are hurtful, but unless you can convince him to get on board, I think it would be a mistake. Have you thought about doing it with a midwife or doula to help you? Would he be more comfortable with that?

Are you planning to allow some support this time since you'll have a less than two year old, or are you going keep all the family away for a month? DD is 18months now, and if I had a baby today, I would need my parents help for at least the first week. She is running around everywhere and into everything and I know I would need my attention to be on building a good nursing relationship with the newbie. I would say, that if you are planning to have another UC, you may need to be prepared to have it turn into another section, and I think you will need help with two kids after a csection. You may want to rethink your previous position about not letting anyone in your house for a month. Its nice to have people fix you meals and bring you stuff if you have two littles and are recovering.

Also, I as a pregnant woman who started out with a nursling, I hope you can continue to nurse your babe, but you may want to be prepared for him to begin weaning, as some women do not keep their milk while pregnant. Have you thought about what to give him as a replacement for your breastmilk, or is he eating solids now? Just asking, because I know you are adamantly against any form of "imitation breast milk." Hopefully, you will be able to tandem nurse with no problems.

[pregnova]

I'm not sure if the poster mentioned anything about restricting help? Or shutting herself in for a month? Or, about being against anything like "imitation milk" although I imagine that most of us here are. Did I miss some of this in the original post???

Anyway, it does sound as though you're in a really tough place if you chose to pursue a UC. That doesn't mean it CAN'T be done though. It sounds as though getting your husband on board is top priority though if you were to go for it. He sounds as though he is certainly saying some hurtful things and has a lot of distrust in your body's ability to birth. What about starting things off by pursuing just a homebirth with a midwife? You could receive prenatal care with her, have your husband involved in the meetings and hear firsthand the midwife's belief that you CAN birth naturally. If things went well from there, perhaps then is a time to consider a UC? 

As for having two kiddos who are young. I don't think that's a reason to think that you couldn't UC. I think there are probably PLENTY of women who do UC with a young child already in the house. And, they may or may not have extra help. 

Also, about the breastfeeding. I do hope you can continue to nurse if it's what you want to do, and I just want to throw out there that there are also PLENTY of women who continue to nurse while pregnant and do end up tandem nursing without complications. If you ever have concerns about that, I would try attending a La Leche League meeting. They're great!

[Adaline'sMama]

No, the last time this posted had a baby she posted here and was complaining that the grandparents wanted to see the baby before it was even a month old and how she doesnt allow ANY visitors for the first month.

She also started a thread about giving her neighbors kid the "gift of breastmilk" when being asked to babysit, and made it very clear that she is 100% what she referred to as "IBM".

You didnt miss anything in the OP, but if you check her history you will see that she does not have any support for her decision to UC.

[weliveintheforest]

Quote:

Originally Posted by OpenMama 

My husband was never totally okay with UC, but he went along with it because I insisted.  Now, he's pretty opposed.  He says that my pelvis wasn't "meant for birthing."  That hurts me beyond words. 

That would be hurtful to me as well.

I don't think I could UC if my husband was against it.  Is your dh comfortable with a mw attended homebirth for now?

[Almi]

I agree, I don't think I could or could have had a UC without the 100% support of my husband.

I got prenatal care with my last pregnancy and I plan on getting it this pregnancy.  I'm not sure how I feel about UP unless you know how to monitor yourself.  It was important to me that I knew what was going on with my body and my babies before I attempted to give birth with no birth attendants except my husband.  Perhaps if I had been pregnant before it might be different, but I was a total noob and it was just easier to let an OB do the monitoring.  Plus it was huge peace of mind for both me and my husband to know that everything was going smoothly, especially since we were having twins (we're having one this time).

Perhaps you could get prenatal care?  Maybe you could get a midwife, that way you have someone to call in case you feel you need help.