Coffeehouse spirituality for wandering souls

[SweetSilver]

I don't really fit in anywhere.  Not that I mind, but it gets a little lonely here!  I'm not atheist.  I'm not Christian but I celebrate Christmas and teach my daughters the spiritual side of it as well.  I love debating and listening to debates between Christians and those between Jews (or anybody else, really).  The closest I get to practicing spirituality is the physical practice of yoga.  I find peace in chanting "Om".  Shinto clapping rituals resonate deeply in my chest.  Aikido was a revelation that brought me back to earth to seek the wisdom within my body rather than solely in my mind.  Buddhist meditation really strikes a chord for me.  "Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism" was a revelation.  I'm not Pagan but I really groove on ancient spirituality, recently Medusa.  Realizing that "ancient Greek myths" are really relatively modern, placing the ancient deity in the role of a monster instead of representing the changing earth and the Great Mystery.  

I miss the caffeine-and-second-hand-smoke-fueled coffeehouse debates.  

Do you lurk on these two forums, but don't really belong anywhere?  

[bignerpie]

That is so me. I will join you. 

I considered myself a hardcore atheist for many years, but now I am questioning myself. It's not so much that I believe there might be a god, but more like a collective conscious that connects us all. If I had to label myself right now, I'd call myself a Buddhist, but I'm not into the ritual part of it, just the philosophy. We do celebrate Christmas, and I put up a little nativity that I've had since I was just a few years old.

I haven't decided what to teach my children. I was raised in an extremely strict Christian household, and I want my children to have more freedom with their beliefs than I had.

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by bignerpie 

That is so me. I will join you. 

It's not so much that I believe there might be a god, but more like a collective conscious that connects us all. 

  Just before my husband was born his dad was a minister in the Nazarene church.  While his family left the ministry his (sizable) extended family has ministers and evangelists on all sides.  Calling a collective consciousness "God" really rankles him. Me?  Whatever word gets the job done.  Whatever someone else feels comfortable saying.  It is semantically impossible to coin a word that sums up what you mean in this instance.  (Maybe a weird little symbol like Prince or Dr. Seuss would be better!)  Sometimes I do prefer "Great Spirit" but even that brings up preconceived notions.  I don't believe in a god that meddles in human affairs....though what do I know?  My experience has been that all existence is connected like cells in a greater body.....and that body is conscious.

I am pleased to see that someone answered my post!  

I've been busy thinking very strange thoughts that only someone who desperately needs to get out more often begins to think just for amusement's sake.  Recently it's been my (pretty dumb) joke with my dad that Vishnu--whose eyes, opening and closing, begat and destroyed universes--was a Buddhist.  "First there is a mountain then there is no mountain then there is." (Thank you, Donovan!)  

As for my kids, I just hope they don't get too confused (and I'll avoid telling them that joke, for one).  I just read stories.  Greek myths, folk tales, the Nativity.  I try to speak from my heart and tell them if I don't know the answer, because in the end I don't.

[FarmerBeth]

In response to the title of your post, which really caught your eye:  Our old neighbour before moving to our now very rural locale, wanted a coffee house for wandering souls rather literally.  A bunch of us ladies in the local community had a grass roots book club we had put together, and we were discussing needing a place for spiritual debate as non-Catholics in a very Irish Catholic community.  Some of us were off the wagon Anglicans, there was also an Atheist who just really loved discussing and yoga enthusiasts.  Anyway, she decided to put on a Sunday morning community coffee talk for people to have a semi organized spiritual chat.  It ended up being a sporadic kind of thing, but she now owns a coffee shop since we moved, and I think I've got to ask her if she ended up doing more with this idea now that she owns the perfect venue!

About the question: I don't really feel like a wandering soul as much anymore, though I once did.  I've become comfortable with some ambiguity (some would call this hypocrisy) and have settled into being Christian, an Anglican, but also a strong believer in science and reason and therefore I have a metaphorical interpretation of the Bible.  I just can't swallow it as literal truth, yet my faith feels true to me, and at this point I can live with that and be honest with my community about that.  And I would never agree to allowing my faith to be something divisive between myself and others, and feel pretty sure everyone can find their way just fine with some honest help rather than interference.  So, not wandering, but maybe also not cut and dry or "typically" Christian.  Oh, and I practice yoga, at times really seriously, also a little less common for Christians.  Rather than a wanderer, I'm a firmly rooted eccentric!

[SweetSilver]

So, what is your version of meditation?

Recently I've been lucky to get time for my "lonely walk".  It took me years to convince my husband that I needed this walk without taking one of the girls with me.  It is my only time to myself except when I stay up late at night, or the day or two per week that I work.

Because we live in a rural area, my walks are pretty much the same every time.  I think about whatever, but it quickly lulls me into thinking about all the spiritual claptrap.  First it's just noticing my body, like walking yoga.  Then I walk past the cemetery.  Sometimes I hate that I have to walk by a cemetery because of the morbid thoughts sometimes get stirred up.  This time I start thinking about how you ground yourself without a body (I have no idea what this means, but somehow it made sense at the time).  Suddenly a car pulls up and a lady is asking me if I've seen her golden retriever. ("Sorry.")  

Completely snapped me out of it.  (Very Zen!)  Of course, the second I start to analyze it the moment is gone!  The relief remained, however.

[moonstones]

Hey! I'll join you. Spirituality is a big part of my daily life, but I'm not religious.  I'm a wanderer and find truths in many different practices -- I find that when I am too rooted in one, then it tends to feel too narrow and fundamental to me, so I move on, always trying my best to stay centered in a place of love, compassion, and with a firm connection to God, or source, or universe, or light, whatever label we give it.  

I've practiced Vipassana meditation for a few years, and I find this practice very grounding and calming, but I also feel that it lacks a connection to a more universal -- God -- energy, a void which I fulfill with other sorts of meditative practices like chakra work or energy healing.  

Sweetsilver -- that walking meditation sounds divine.  I find it difficult to get out of the house much without the baby, and your description of it sounds so refreshing that I think I will see if I can get out tomorrow morning before DD wakes.  

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by moonstones 

Hey! I'll join you. Spirituality is a big part of my daily life, but I'm not religious.  I'm a wanderer and find truths in many different practices -- I find that when I am too rooted in one, then it tends to feel too narrow and fundamental to me, so I move on, always trying my best to stay centered in a place of love, compassion, and with a firm connection to God, or source, or universe, or light, whatever label we give it.  

This is why I've never found a "home" for my spirituality.  I even tried our "local" Unitarian Church, but the openness they embraced was given a name-- Unitarian Universalism-- and I just couldn't accept that.  It felt like it was contained within a box and I just couldn't get past it.  That's not a judgment on the church.  Perhaps it was my own closed-mindedness.  Perhaps it was that I was seeking a way to share the ecstatic and joyful and trying spiritualism that lives in my heart.

The walks have evolved over these last few years.  The best advice I received was given years ago by a mom-and-baby yoga instructor as we practiced Savasana (when I had time with only one baby on my hands).  She said that this meditation would be different than we were used to.  More a state of alert attentiveness than a deep relaxation.  That one piece of advice has saved me from a lot of frustration as my kids vault and climb over me during our occasional yoga videos.  Just two years ago there would be tears in their eyes as I left for my walk and tears and mandatory nursing time when I returned.  Definitely did not make for a relaxing walk as I was always thinking of getting home.  Now it's easier.

[moonstones]

Sweetsilver -- I feel the same way! I've always thought about joining the Universal Unitarian church in our area because I do long for a spiritual connection with others and I'd love to have a spiritual community for my DD, but anytime I've visited one it still feels boxed-in to me.  I also prefer groups with decentralized leadership, and/or ones where the leader is humble and not ego-centered. 

I like that -- alert attentiveness -- I think meditation really has helped me be a better mother (and partner to my husband) too, because I've learned how not to be reactive.  

[Jessimaca]

I think I may wander into this group as well .  I've always been a seeker of some kind and I've dabbled in many different traditions.  Nothing fits exactly for me, but I am also longing for study and community.  I've even searched online to just find a webside with daily spiritual something????  I don't know.  Let's see...  I have some real literalists in my family on my mothers side that are usually trying to convert me and I despise their practices, but I also feel like to each their own you know (course that won't leave me mine).  When I was 21 I went to a very spiritual massage school where I was introduced to all kinds of "weird shit" as my Reiki Master would say .  Started working in birth, which I feel is my calling and I find it very spiritual.  Went through nursing school, etc and I'm contemplating when to start my midwifery program, but I am preggo so I think I'm holding off a bit.  Became a yoga teacher-- still feel like a beginner though and I enjoy that tradition and philosophy though it's not everything for me.  I align with Buddhism probably the most, but not sure where to go with that.  I have attended a UU church which I enjoy, but there really isn't one close to me....  Anyway, help

[SweetSilver]

This is exactly why I started this thread-- because despite considering myself a very spiritual being I really no longer have a way to talk about it with others.  Years ago I read Barbara Tuchman's "A Distant Mirror".  In a passage on 14th century mercenaries, one had written about the experience of battle and how it drove him to be aware of that exact moment.  It was very spiritual in its tone and it was that moment that I had to reassess in my mind what exactly it meant to touch the divine, and the pathways from which it can be found.  It was at that moment that I began to break down my assumptions.  I have these very distinct moments where I get jarred permanently into a new paradigm.

This post is a little disjointed because I am collecting my thoughts and now I have to hurry up and get the girls to bed.

"NOW MAMA!" Alright!  

Anyway, goodnight....

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by Jessimaca 

 I have some real literalists in my family on my mothers side that are usually trying to convert me and I despise their practices, but I also feel like to each their own you know (course that won't leave me mine). 

You mean literalists, like interpreting the Bible as actual fact?

 Became a yoga teacher-- still feel like a beginner though and I enjoy that tradition and philosophy though it's not everything for me.  I align with Buddhism probably the most, but not sure where to go with that.  I have attended a UU church which I enjoy, but there really isn't one close to me....  Anyway, help

A strange feeling, isn't it being a teacher and a beginner at the same time?

Sorry for the seeming randomness of the previous post.  It was a profound moment though, and so important in my own journey.
 

[Jessimaca]

Sweet~  I didn't think your post was random, I followed I think .  Yes, I have some bible literalistis (Jehovah's Witness to be exact) in my family.  Yes, and being a teacher and beginner at the same time is often unsettling.  But I just try to stay true to teaching what I do know and not going beyond that.  It inspires me to keep learning I guess.  But, there are also times when I feel like pulling out of teaching until I've studied 20 more years or something!  I mean, you could study yoga forever!

So, this is where I'm stuck.  I feel stuck anyway.  I wish I had a way to continue learning with others, growing.  Like a study group or something.  Learning and studying on my own is okay, but isn't the same as being with a group.  Sometimes I also wish there was a tradition that I bought hook, line, and sinker you know.  Like total faith in something.  But, that may be impossible for me.

What are you most drawn to?

[SweetSilver]

Years ago, my faith was influenced by my hippie lifestyle: Eastern religions spoke to me, the easy way they addressed the journey of the spirit.  But it was the main philosophies, not the practice of the faith that interested me.  Christianity, distilled down to its essence spoke to me as well.  The general theme of all this was the denial of the body and the nourishing of the spirit.  Giving away possessions, asceticism, nonviolence.  But as you said, I didn't follow one faith, and I agree that that can feel like being adrift.  I think there is value with following the path of one faith, dedicating yourself to the rituals that bring you to the..... ?????..... source.

Then, after some crisis of identity, I came down the earth.  At first I felt like a sellout.  I stopped roaming, settled down, set aside the conversations that held spiritual meaning for me.  Along the way I picked up Aikido, not expecting it to bring me back to the spiritual path.  But this was different.  This path was clearer, and it grounded me.  

My Aikido teacher wrote a passage in his book: 

"You are not here to develop the spirit/ Your spirit is already developed/ Address the needs and health of the body with exercise and good nutrition/ You are an embodied soul/ If you deny the body you stifle the soul/ The lessons you need are in the physical plane"  (From "Moving Toward Harmony" by Eric Oberg)

This, along with that great guru of Ganja, Bob Marley:  "Some people say/ 'Great God will come from the sky/ Take away everything/ And make everybody feel high'/ But if you know what life is worth/ You will look for yours on Earth/ So now you see the light/ Stand up for your right"

Thank you, Bob, for helping me out!

I started yoga as well, and this was just like an extension of Aikido but one I practiced with my own body instead of in tandem with others.  Connecting my body to the spiritual path actually lead me to a calmer, less confusing place.  I anchored myself in my body, in the earth, and have lead a very mundane existence ever since.  Now, away from the Dojo and limited to yoga videos and walks, my main source of growth has been raising my girls.  And so this continues.  My "place" is to continue working with the mundane troubles of the world.  There is something quite profound in something so simple.  I'm sure there is a name, a "yoga", for this kind of path.  It suits me very well.  I have stopped worrying about the results....mostly.  There is still doubt and confusion sometimes.

My husband's mother has bazillions of friends through her church.  I still wish I had a place, a church, whatever, to talk about this to people, but in some ways I think that is a diversion, preventing me from immersing myself entirely into daily rhythms of life, forgetting myself and finding peace within that.  Even this thread could be considered a distraction.  Loneliness, boredom, confusion, all seem to me to be the Fire before the gates of the Great Mystery.

"Chop wood, carry water".  Our 21st century version might be "Boil water, cook spaghetti, pay the power bills".  I remember an excellent passage from Trungpa's "Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism" (about as deep into Buddhism as I ever got.)  He made the point that the Japanese Tea Ceremonies, which Westerners found so fascinating, were actually based on the dull rituals of a dull, everyday task.  The point was to bring the practitioner to the point of profound boredom, and Westerners were missing that point because the ceremony looks so exotic.  That was his take on it, anyhow.  (Maybe a spaghetti-making ritual for Americans?)

I find the ancient stories of myth endlessly fascinating, but I think that is a sideline.  It's fun to contemplate the cosmic meaning of Medusa or Kali, or the Hero's journey, but it is merely brain candy.  Rituals were meant to dull the mind and ground the spirit, like a trance, to be forgotten along with Ego, not to feed the Ego with Profound Ideas to share and make us look Wise and Holy.

Am I making sense?  

I found that by teaching Aikido, I was learning it more deeply than I ever could have.  So, when you begin teaching you can truly begin learning.  Let your students teach you.

[Wolfcat]

Subbing

[Jessimaca]

Love the quotes by your teacher and Bob!

I also find comfort in focusing on my physical body through yoga.  I also used to work with horses when I was younger-- I took trail rides out all day and that also felt very spiritual.  That first ride in the morning...  being in nature and with such awesome animals.  Walking in nature still is one of times when I feel closest to spirit, the universe, my higher Self, God, whatever you wanna call it ;-). 

Okay, kind of off topic.  Read an awesome book the other day-- Yoga Bitch.  Loved it!  She had a kundalini rising experience during her yoga teacher training.  I had one in my massage training 10 years ago so it was really cool to read someones account of it.  I'm not good at expressing myself and I love finding people who are :-)  Anyway, this brings me to your point about community.  I think that's what I feel I'm lacking.  Community and direction.  I need it.  My experience in massage school 10 years ago was profound and it totally changed me because I was sorrounded by a community on the same path.  I swear you get so much more from that.  I think that's what I'm looking for, but how?????  I did not have that in my yoga teacher training.  Hypocrisy mostly.  Fake people.

I have read some buddhist books that I really enjoy.  I guess lately reading and yoga are my spiritual practice.  And I'm pregnant with my first baby, so I will be starting on that spiritual journy as well.  I'm just always looking for more direction.  Always a seeker....

[SweetSilver]

Why do we seek community for our spirituality?  Is it better shared?  Is it because we are afraid?  Why do we "worship" (insert preferred word here) together?

[Jessimaca]

I'm not sure-- it seems a natural human condition.  In my massage training they talked about getting further with a group of like-minded individuals-- because you have support, understanding, etc.  But who knows?  I just feel like I stay motivated with a motivated group.

[Tuesday]

"Rather than a wanderer, I'm a firmly rooted eccentric!" FarmerBeth I like your thinking!  

I was raised in a secular household, but, always myself aware of something divine - be it my inner self or something higher, one can debate.  I've read and studied so many religions.   I converted to Catholicism!  That was in a desperate attempt to "fix" my immediate family's issues and appease my catholic in-laws.  Not a good move on my part. I love the mass but not in agreement with the boys' club, the dogma or many other things.   My family has been going through our own hell in recent months and I find no support from this church or community.  

I have on my nightstand right now Tibetan Book of Dead, a Buddhist meditation book, a copy of Al Anon support literature, a Christian Science book by Mary B. Eddy's,  a Bible and two hoodoo spell books.  Oh yeah, and downstairs I'm reading a book on Judaism.    I practice meditation and kundalini yoga too. 

To be honest, I have found that Buddhist thought seems to help me detach and cope with my own personal issues right now.   I've been attending an Al Anon and a AA 12 step program in recent months to help me understand my own issues and my husband's issues. I find applying Buddhist thought to 12 step, quite a powerful tool!  

When my children were not yet in school, I was very lonely and tried to meet "moms" at church groups, thinking I could conform my thinking and make friends at same time.  Didn't work. I did make a lot of friends but funny enough - they seemed fairweather.  If I wasn't accepting Jesus as my saviour, then bye-bye from them.

I've found more community and more friends just following my own interests. Not spiritual but rather taking Nia dance classes and studying musical instrument - you find that like minded people drift into the same paths.    But I guess one realizes not everyone will be a reflection of themselves.