i am an ocasional lurker around here, usually when i have a parenting question i do a search and get so much out of everything i read in these forums. i hope this is the right spot for this post?
i am a single mom with a very energetic 3 y/o. we live with my parents in a fairly rural area and i was at my happiest when living in a big city. i was sober for 3 1/2 years and relapsed... started smoking heroin all day everyday. i was, i like to think, still a fairly decent functional mom. kinda grumpy, sometimes dopesick, but ok. i would wake up, though, and get high before i could deal with my kid.
now i went through detox, got into outpatient, went back to aa, started all that recovery over from scratch..... about 16 days ago.
you guys, i am exhausted and overwhelmed . waking up every morning facing life and my son on life's terms, dealing with him and what feels like chaos without my crutch, without the substance that was ruining my life but made me not care, numbed me....
i got pregnant by accident by a guy i was not even dating. i chose to have the baby when i was living in a beautiful city, had a huge network of amazing, beautiful, creative friends, was finishing up a masters degree (and the economy was lookin ok)... but that all fell apart through some bad personal choices and i found myself back home with my parents. i don't see the end in sight.....
i will be 30 in a couple months and my life is not the way i planned it, or want it, and i am worn out and overwhelmed and i know i am taking the right first few steps,but dang you guys...... waking up every morning and just facing reality is SO HARD. so hard.
why can't i just be a real, normal grown up who can provide for her family and deal with life???
thanks for listening to me. any words of wisdom, similar experience, etc very very welcome. xo K