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Choosing people to come to the birth - Page 2

post #21 of 31

LilMomma - I was 3 years 11 months when I watched my sister enter the world, I barely remember it (most of my memories are of things like sleeping in a chair, etc) but have all sorts of special warm fuzzies knowing that I was there. And my sister at 27 still thinks it was totally awesome that I was there.

post #22 of 31

On the subject of having other children around during labor/birth:

One of my favorite homebirth photos is of my 22mos. DD holding my hand while I was having a contraction.  She saw her father holding my hand and wanted to help out, too.  It was a great moment.  After the contraction, she leaned over the edge of the tub and gave me a sweet kiss.  happytears.gif

http://cdn.mothering.com/e/ee/ee901ede_Labor-1.jpg

post #23 of 31

This is baby #8 for me and our 5th UC Homebirth.

 

My sister and best friend plan to be available to watch the other kids if labor takes place during the daytime hours (#7 arrived at 2am after a fast and furious 3 hr labor and everyone was asleep). Our place is big enough so Ive got room to escape and they will be well occupied and supervised. I tend to want no one around me at all, and dont mind if DH is/is not there. (He didnt make it home in time for #5) The more babies Ive had the more Ive come to really know myself and need my own space. The more I rely on myself the easier the labor and birth seem to go.  I will certainly appreciate all of the help available afterward tho!

post #24 of 31

I've heard some midwives say that you can add an hour to the birth for every person there besides the mother, as a rule of thumb. 

 

For my first, it wasn't quite that bad (hours, per se) but the number of people.... OY!

 

I had my parents. My partner. My two roommates (one taking pictures, the other a massage therapist in training), my kid sister (literally, she was 8) and a midwife. Oh, and somewhere between 10 and 14 hospital staff. It was a freakin' zoo.

 

For my second, through most of the labor my daughter was asleep or half asleep (age 11), my midwife was off knitting a hat, and my husband was half asleep on the bed while I labored. So I was mostly alone. I actually preferred it that way. 

 

This time, I'll have two midwives here, but not in the room most of the time. My husband if he's awake enough to be useful. My now-18 year old if she wants to be helpful. And possibly my six year old, but ONLY for the birth itself because with her cognitive issues I don't think she'll get it otherwise.

 

With my first labor, my mother and father were GREAT support, and very helpful, but that was a hospital birth, and they're comfortable with hospital birth. But I wouldn't have missed my roommates or my sister at all. I needed people more as a buffer between me and the staff than anything.

 

Realistically, every single person who is there needs to have a concrete reason for being there, a role to play, etc.

 

And sometimes the single best thing anyone can do for the mother in labor is to give her some quiet, dark space to get the right hormones going. 

 

 

 

Quote:

4) 25yo sister (she came to my first 2 births and I am sure is expecting to come to this one...also I think she pretty well knows how to support me now)

5) 18yo sister (she takes great pics...I believe she was at DS1's birth and then out of town for DS2's birth)

6) 16yo sister (I don't have a particular reason to or not to choose her - but I feel kinda bad if I don't)

7) Brother's 21yo girlfriend (haha kinda weird, I know, but, she is a good friend and is really down to earth and "just do it" (the kind of person I need), and I think she might actually by a good person to have there...I don't think I would choose her over a sister though if it came to that)

8) My best friend (probably she will not even be in town, but, if baby is born late she might be...and she is like a sister to me and I think she would be devistated if I didn't invite her and she was in town - plus she can get me to do anything lol)

Of all of these, the ONLY one that looks essential is the sister who takes great pictures, if that is important to you. The one thing I would NOT worry about is anyone feeling left out. It's not about them. Your job is not to take care of your family and friends and put on a show, but to birth your baby. I have seven people (including me) living on my property right now, all related by blood or marriage, and my parents live a half mile away. We see each other all the time. But my sister LIVES with me, and I'm having a homebirth, and I'm not inviting her, and she's fine with that. 

post #25 of 31


Very interesting!  Would be neat to have a study done to see if there is any validity to that.  Would a doula count?  I wanted one for my 1st, but after that decided I wouldn't need one.

 

In secret, I would be fine with UC IF I could sew myself up afterward (I always tear . . .leftover from baby 1) and could guarantee no emergencies.  I would be totally happy doing this on my own.  I don't want to tempt Fate, though . . .still trying to figure out how I'll have someone to watch my other kids and someone else to drive me to the hospital, even if it's just to drop me off (cab?).  I don't think my DH would make it home on time.  Thankfully, all four babies have listened to me as to when they should be born.  Hoping this one will, too!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenrose View Post

I've heard some midwives say that you can add an hour to the birth for every person there besides the mother, as a rule of thumb. 

 

 

 

post #26 of 31

My two home births were shorter in hours than the number of people in my house ... Maybe it makes a difference how many are allowed in the birthing room versus at the residence.  I wouldn't want my birth to be any shorter than the usual 4.5-5 hours,  as the MW might not make it in time to assist...lol.gif

post #27 of 31

With our first it was just my DH and my midwife (she came 4min before My DS arrived into the world, we didn't time contractions right) so it was very calm and quiet (well I wasn't quiet). But it was nice. My only regret is not having someone there to take pictures and to take care of the needs of my DH. So this time we are having my sister there to take pictures (quietly) and my bestest friend (to take care of anything that my DH needs) and my midwife.  i hope that it turns out well. Oh yes, I have enlisted my mom to take care of our DS and if need be to take him to her house just depending on how things are going with the birth.

We had a homebirth and we are planning a homebirth with this one, too.

And I agree that it really depends on the woman. Some like the intimacy of just their spouse and others like to have a crowd. Whatever makes the woman most comfortable and puts her at ease so that her labor progresses well.

post #28 of 31
Thread Starter 

lol I think I am the only one who wants a male present (with the exception of DHs/SOs)...funny thing is my dad is the one person I would pick if I could not have anyone else there...and the truth is I never even invited him to DS1's birth - he just came lol, but, it was so perfect and I was so glad he came to DS2's and I really hope he can make this one...at least from transition through birth...something about his calming/reassuring words/prayers...he's awesome (of course he has been by my mom's side for 7 home births lol so he certainly has experience!) Whats funny is normally there is no way I would want him to see my nekkid or anything lol...

 

Oh, so I did go to the hospital and they are pretty strict...so I am thinking I may just pick Dad, Mom, DH and just not even invite anyone else...if they are able to work a way to come than I would love to have them...but, I am not going to be the one to choose..

post #29 of 31



I think I would like my dad here too :)

Quote:
Originally Posted by LilMomma83 View Post

lol I think I am the only one who wants a male present (with the exception of DHs/SOs)...funny thing is my dad is the one person I would pick if I could not have anyone else there...and the truth is I never even invited him to DS1's birth - he just came lol, but, it was so perfect and I was so glad he came to DS2's and I really hope he can make this one...at least from transition through birth...something about his calming/reassuring words/prayers...he's awesome (of course he has been by my mom's side for 7 home births lol so he certainly has experience!) Whats funny is normally there is no way I would want him to see my nekkid or anything lol...

 

Oh, so I did go to the hospital and they are pretty strict...so I am thinking I may just pick Dad, Mom, DH and just not even invite anyone else...if they are able to work a way to come than I would love to have them...but, I am not going to be the one to choose..



 

post #30 of 31

My dad was fantastic at my hospital birth. I think his comment when someone asked, "Doesn't it bother you to see her naked?" was "I changed her diapers."

post #31 of 31

If something happened so that neither DH, or my mom, or either of my sisters, or any of my female friends, or aunts or cousins were able to attend the birth, my dad might, might be willing to sit with me through labour. I'd probably get the gas, he took a couple hits of that when the nurses were out of the room when mom was in labour with me... and I think he'd need it if he had to see me give birth! With my other two, mom called him after the baby was born and he came right over to meet them.

 

A few weeks after DS was born, I was at their house, nursing him in the living room, and dad started to walk in, saw, turned & walked out. My bratty sister, who was holding a protest in the kitchen, made some snarky comment to him about me not going somewhere private & he answered "No, she shouldn't have to go anywhere I'm just giving her space." I called out "Dad, I don't need space if you're comfortable with it!" and he came in & sat down... it was a little awkward, but not horrible. He looked pretty much everywhere in the room except at me. A few weeks after that, I was dealing with over supply (is that what it's called?) When my milk let down it'd almost overwhelm DS and he's make some little snorting sounds. I could feel the letdown. I had started asking "What does a piggy say?" so my little Super Genius would 'answer', and mom was like "You've got to see this! This is funny!" DS made the piggy noise right on cue & we were all laughing about it. After that, all the awkwardness was totally gone. I can't really expect more of dad than that, he's pretty uptight about womanny stuff.

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