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So I suppose I'll just go and buy a can of formula and some disposables now shall I? (sarcastic...

post #1 of 36
Thread Starter 

Oohh, I'm so annoyed and I wish I had the confidence to stick to what I believe in in preparing for our new baby........I want to breastfeed and I want to use cloth diapers (nappies).  But, after having conversations with other people and visiting the baby shops on the weekend, I now feel like I should just do like everyone else and buy a box of disposables and a can of formula and be done with it  :-(

 

In the shops there's so many bottles and  dirty nappy wrapping kits and mega boxes of disposable nappies that I kind of feel like I'm living in the dark ages or something by wanting to cloth diaper.  Making more work for myself.

 

And then there's the comments about breastfeeding.  "Oh, you'll just want your life back", "I couldn't stand sitting there for hours breastfeeding, I just wanted to do other things".

 

I understand not everyone can or wants to breastfeed or it works out, and I understand the women who choose not to cloth diaper.  I'm not saying they're bad.  I just wish I had more confidence/conviction in myself to keep going along and parent the way my gut tells me I want to without feeling like a weirdo.  I kind of thought that I could have this baby and give it my breastmilk, and change it's nappies that I made, or purchased from a WAHM or ebay.

 

I'm just having a bad few days I guess :-(

post #2 of 36
You can do it! I have disability issues, and even so, I managed to nurse my daughter to 14 months. (Even pumping 2-3 times a day at work.) Formula is NOT easier. I understand that some need to use it, but it takes more work. Washing lots of bottles, mixing bottles, warming bottles, and dealing with formula puke and poop smells and stains. Ick.

Once the little ones get the hang of nursing, they're pretty efficient. They'll get it down to maybe 20 minutes. You can also put them in a sling to nurse if you need to. That might actually make things easier, depending on what health issues you deal with. I found that the natural breast feeding hormones made me feel better. No more headaches, and I was calm from the oxytocin.

Aside from that, formula and disposables are expensive! You could easily spend $200 a month, or more if your child has allergies.
post #3 of 36
I think myself as being a lazy mom... I am still breastfeeding my DD (3 years 10 months old), although now she is starting to wean by herself.
I found it super easy to breastfeed her and go wherever I wanted without carrying a bag full of stuff. I wore her in a sling, put a disposable diaper in my pocket, and off I went!
She woke up at night so many times..I slept with her by my side, I just rolled and gave her my breast. I went back to work when she was 3.5 months old, so you can imagine that waking up to prepare a botlle of formula milk 2-3 times at night, would leave me sleepy the following day (furthermore, I drive to go to work, and nobody should do that when feeling sleepy).

Bottom line, it doesn't matter what other people say to cover their choices, their mistakes perhaps. Do whatever you want, do what suits you!!

I always reply with a smile and a "you think???" question, in all that pretended care I receive from strangers.

ps. I really hope cloth diapers fit my lazy attitude this time! I'm going to try those for the first time, see how it goes!
post #4 of 36
We're doing cloth this time, too. My disability is worse, but I think we can still handle it. It's just one load of laundry every couple days. Our parents cloth diapered us, and our parents were cloth diapered before washing machines were as decent as they are today. They all said cloth was actually much easier than you'd think. My friends that do cloth diapering have said the same.

It cracks me up, because when I told my dad his eyes got a little big. Then I told him how much disposables cost now, and he started naming off all of the great things about cloth. I just sat there giggling in my head. wink1.gif
post #5 of 36

Parenting well, in any style, takes a lot of support, so it can be really hard to stay with your decisions when you feel alone.  When I was pregnant with my first I wanted to breastfeed and cloth diaper too and I couldn't find anyone in irl who was doing those things - I actually couldn't even connect with anyone with a baby at all! My mother and mil were supportive - they did both and saw it as a kind of "this is what you do" thing (I remember talking to my mother about AP and she said "why does it have a name?  isn't most of it just common sense?  You have boobs, they make milk, your baby needs to eat - what's the issue?  Your baby needs to be held, you have to do stuff, you put them in a carrier.  Your baby will poop,you don't want it in the bed or on the floor or their clothes,  why spend all that money on something you just throw away?")  I ended up spending time on forums like Mothering each day so I could make some kind of contact with like minded mamas.  And I either made my stuff or I bought it online - I only went to local thrift stores for clothes, no baby boutiques or big box stores.  I had a good idea that those kinds of places would be really overwhelming. I nursed both my babies for over two years and used cloth diapers with both until they were potty trained.

 

You can do it too!  There can be a learning curve to both but in the end they're pretty simple and so rewarding. I have not done much that can compare to nursing my babies.  I am really looking forward to it!  And oh my, nothing cuter or more cuddly than a wee babe in a soft, cushy cloth diapers.  Beware, though, it can get totally addicting!

post #6 of 36

yeahthat.gif

 

Is there a La Leche League group around?  I found them to be a big support to me as far as breastfeeding and AP were concerned, so much respect and support for my decisions.  The same goes for MDC.  It's not you're judging mothers who feel differently and made different decisions than you do, but you need to have contact with people who made similar decisions, and it worked for them.  When your newborn seems to be nursing all day every day, you need to hear "He's building up your milk supply for you.  Enjoy the time on the couch.  It won't always be like this.  I got so much reading done those first few months." instead of just "I couldn't stand it.  I started feeding bottles."  You need people to commiserate with who will validate your feelings without invalidating your decisions.

 

I would also try not to get too caught up in the commercialism of having a baby.  You really don't need much, and most of what would help you the most are not things that you'd likely find in a store.  Search online for reviews of the best baby carriers and cloth diapers/patterns.  You can hopefully shop for baby clothes without as many distractions, but don't walk down the other aisles.  Think of what you want and buy it rather than walking around stores and letting them tell you what you "need."  They don't have your best interests in mind.

post #7 of 36

I agree- once the baby and you get the hang of nursing it's really easy. Plus- there are no bottles to prepare or clean! All of mine have been fast eaters- 10 minutes total every feed. We use disposable diapers, but if I could get hubby on board we'd cloth diaper in a heart beat! Do what YOU want to do, not what think you should do :)

post #8 of 36

You'll have to learn to get used to it. Any time you do something different, you're going to hear crap from people. Especially breastfeeding. There are a lot of women who chose not to breastfeed, or gave up at the slightest hurdle, but are not at peace with their decision, and they are going to project that crap on you. This sounds harsh but it's true. Then there are a lot of people who are just ignorant about breastfeeding and cloth diapering.

I know I sound pessimistic, but I'm pregnant with #3 now, and have encountered a lot of crap from people in my 5 years as a mom. Stick to your guns, this is only the beginning. It's not going to end with breastfeeding or cloth diapering, It will be every decision you make as a parent. People will tell you you aren't supposed to hold the baby when he cries. They will get on you for not feeding him solids at 2 months. Somebody is always going to have an opinion about how they know better than you what's best for your baby. 

I honestly think breastfeeding and cloth diapering are easier. Let's see, when my baby is waking up 5 times a night, do i want to get up, go to the kitchen, heat some water, mix the formula, all while the baby is in hysterics, or do I want to lift my shirt, roll over, then go back to sleep? Not to mention cleaning the bottles. I HATE doing dishes! I love not having to worry about bottles and formula and water when I'm out. As far as sitting for hours, first of all I can entertain myself with TV and the internet (or better yet, I snooze with the baby), so that doesn't bother me, and aren't you still sitting for a long time if you give the baby a bottle?

Cloth diapers- cheaper, cuter, better for the environment and smell way better! What's 1-2 extra loads of laundry when you are already doing a million loads? Plus, I know myself, and I'd be running to the store in the middle of the night a lot b/c I forgot I was almost out of diapers. Or more accurately, I'd be stuck without diapers, b/c I'm without a vehicle the 48+ hours a week my husband is working. Seriously, if I have one more kid after this one, then I will have saved around $5000 on diapers. That's a decent used car or a cruise!

Please hang in there and don't let others drag you down! Like somebody mentioned, try to find a LLL group. It is really refreshing to be around like-minded people sometimes so you don't feel like such an outsider!

post #9 of 36

I'm not one who likes to stand out at all... but a lot of my parenting choices force that on me.  I ultimately decided that I am going to think solely of what's best for me and my family, because we're the ones who are going to benefit or suffer if I do this-or-that.  Is my sister going to be better off if I used disposables?  No.  Is my dad going to suffer if I birth at home?  No.  Is my neighbor going to be effected at all if I stop breastfeeding like she did?  No.  But our budget would suffer way more than we can afford if I use formula, disposable diapers, and buy brand new baby entertainers.  I would be the one caring for my child in case of a vaccine injury.  I am the one who would be fighting tooth and nail for a medication-free birth and keeping my baby with me for recovery if I went into the hospital to deliver.  I let a bunch of stuff go based on other people's opinions with my first (natural birth, breastfeeding, many AP and gentle parenting choices) and by the time she was a year old, I had a whole host of regrets.  If you have convictions, stick to them, because you only get one chance to raise this baby!  That's my pep talk for the day.  :)  It IS hard to go against the flow, but our children are worth it.

post #10 of 36
My response to the comments varies depending on who it is. A friend said I was crazy to do cloth. I told her she was lucky then that she didn't have to do my laundry. When the inlaws gave me crud about insisting on breastfeeding and not supplementing, I showed them study after study about the benefits. I told them that I didn't want my kid to have diabetes, allergies, and all the other issues they have that breastfeeding can help prevent. Once my mother in law was on board (and it didn't take long at all for her), they shut the heck up. I still had issues like my husband's aunt (she watched DD) thinking it was okay to feed a 9 week old baby 8 oz. milk at once, then wonder why the kid was spitting up. I eventually had to cut that one out of our lives because she became possessive and controlling. For strangers, I just don't respond or say "thanks" and leave it at that. Unfortunately, you have to block out the negative and say "screw them" as a parent. You know what is best for you and the baby.

I would second the need for good support, too. You may get that here, or at LLL, or even a local mom's group. It helps to have a sounding board and place to vent sometimes, too.

EDIT : she said I was crazy for doing cloth. smile.gif
Edited by cameragirl - 10/5/11 at 3:43pm
post #11 of 36
Thread Starter 

Wow, thanks so much everyone for your support.  You all make very good points.

 

Yes, I run (wheel lol) to the store for milk and bread all the time, or often, cat food!  Formula I reckon would end up in the same situation.

 

I bought a really good washing machine a few years ago so washing the nappies is not an issue.  I already manage the laundry for DH and I and I'm planning to drypail so there won't be any soaking nappy buckets for me to lift.  The breastfeeding itself to me, sounds really convenient, especially when it's difficult for me sometimes to be up and about mixing up formula and washing bottles.  That just sounds like work! lol.  My body knows what baby needs and will provide it in breastmilk.  I have good days and bad days with my legs, so I like the convenience factor.

 

Yesterday the Dr Sears Baby Book came to me in the mail and I opened it up and then had tears in my eyes.  It's exactly what I wanted and expected.  The pictures are lovely and the wording, oh boy, sounds like what I've been thinking and saying all along, but never had the confidence to stick with it.

 

Oh, and, we've got a group in Australia called the Australian Breastfeeding Association, they have meetings of mothers in most if not every town.  Must join!!

post #12 of 36

That's great! You might also check out this page: http://www.lalecheleague.org.nz/index.php/local-groups/australia to see if there are any groups near you. I'm sure the breastfeeding group you mention would be a great support as well. I just know that LLL has a very specific philosophy that supports not only breastfeeding, but many other AP parenting decisions as well, so I wanted to throw it out as an option.

post #13 of 36
I love the Dr. Sears Baby Book! I read that from front to back when I was pregnant with DD. I loved having that as a resource if I was questioning when to call the doctor, what to look forward to with development, etc.
post #14 of 36

When I was pregnant with my dd who is now 6 I knew I wanted to breastfeed, and so I read everything I could about it, and I was determined to be successful. My mom bottle fed me and my siblings and never even tried nursing. Perhaps that's why I ended up with tubes in my ears, asthma, and allergies... I braced myself for the worst when it came to breastfeeding, but I found it soooo easy. I didn't have to make bottles, buy formula, get out of bed in the middle of the night, or worry about bottles spoiling when we went out. Milk was always fresh and available, and there was never a single bottle to wash. When she nursed she was in and out in 5-10 minutes, and I loved that time we spent together. She was a wild and crazy little baby, and when she was nursing was the only time I ever got to just hold her! I'm not much of a drinker, but I did have a drink when I wanted one. I never felt like I wasn't me. I'm really hoping nursing goes as well this time, but if it doesn't, that's okay too. I'll still do my absolute best to make it work for both of us, and savor the time while it lasts. They wean way too fast :(

 

As for diapering, I did disposables with her because I just didn't know any better. This time we're planning cloth. Every single newborn poopy diaper I had meant an entire wardrobe change and often a bath anyway. How she managed to get poop in her hair is still a mystery to me. I figure I'll already be doing laundry every day, why add taking out stinky trash to my list of to-dos! At this point I'm only committed to the 3 months it'll take the cloth diapers to pay for themselves. After that, the diaper budget will go to getting me a new washer and dryer instead of crap I'm throwing away. Besides, cloth diapers are adorable, better for the environment, and better for my baby. I'm really excited to cloth diaper, and I hope it's something I have no problems sticking too (I'm really lazy and hate laundry)

 

Be realistic about your expectations for yourself. Determine ahead of time how much nursing difficulties you're willing to endure, and what you'll do if you do have problems. Decide how long you're willing to try cloth for. If you absolutely hate it after a couple of months, then don't make yourself miserable by continuing. Above all, babies need happy parents. Do embrace your crunchy self, and tell people who ask confidently about your choices. They might think differently than you, but that might just be because they haven't considered other options yet either. I was introduced to cloth diapering by a complete and total stranger (I asked about her kid's diapers, and she confidently told me why she was had made the choice) Research your options so you're mentally prepared for the challenges you might have. Hopefully you'll end up pleasantly surprised with how easy you've made your life because of the choices you've made. Also, get used to smiling and nodding. A coworker of mine just recommended her diaper bag because it had built-in insulated diaper pockets. My family will always think my choices are crazy, and that's okay.

post #15 of 36

Lizziemum, I've never been to Australia, but I know many baby stores here in the US, especially the big ones like Babies R Us are overwhelming.  The stores WANT you to buy formula and disposable diapers because they will earn far more $ from those products than they will from breastfeeding or cloth diaper products, so they go out of their way to promote them.  I've felt much calmer since switching to shopping online or at small businesses that specialize in "natural parenting items" like cloth diapers and slings. 

 

While most of the people I know in real life do not cloth diaper or breastfeed past age 1, most of them have not said anything one way or another about the fact that I do those things.  If they do say something, its usually more of a curious, "oh how is that going for you" comment than anything truly negative.  And my sense is that the few who have made unsupportive comments are people that feel insecure about themselves and need to put down other people's choices in order to feel better about themselves.  There are always going to be people like that.  Its tough if its someone close to you, but "this is what is working for our family" or "this is what feels comfortable for me" are pretty non-threatening ways to conclude and move on.  

 

The one choice I have gotten the most negative comments about is my decision not to let my DD cry-it-out at night.  Sometimes the comments got to me and made me start to second-guess myself (easy to do in a sleep-deprived haze), as she grew older and continued to sleep poorly at night.  Even my family who supported CDing and BFing were telling me to just let her cry.  But I eventually learned to just say, "I have to follow my heart, and I'm simply not comfortable doing that."  Its hard to stick to your guns when your decision doesn't seem to be going so well, (and hurdles can arise in some of the other parenting choices you mentioned), but I found it was always helpful to grab a quiet moment to myself and try to shut out anyone else's opinion and just ask myself, "what kind of mom do you want to be?  what choices feel right to you?"  Doing this helped me re-center myself and re-gain a calm confidence in myself even when DD was up at 12am, and 1am, and 3am, and 5am...

post #16 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandy Lion View Post

. A coworker of mine just recommended her diaper bag because it had built-in insulated diaper pockets.

Insulated? Huh? How is that useful for either cloth or disposable? I must be missing something.
post #17 of 36
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyamo View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandy Lion View Post

. A coworker of mine just recommended her diaper bag because it had built-in insulated diaper pockets.

Insulated? Huh? How is that useful for either cloth or disposable? I must be missing something.

Lol, i just have this image of the wet dipes going into the insulated silver pocket! Ewww

Actually, i thought i might use the insulated pocket to keep a bottle of water in there for me he he. Good for hot days :-)
post #18 of 36
Maybe she likes to keep them nice and steamy...you know, for enemies and such. ROTFLMAO.gif
post #19 of 36

I didn't know diapers needed to be insulated.

 

I have always found BRU overwhelming.  I don't deal well with any large stores (the lights, the crowds, my inability to find anything, the lines, the parking lot, my sanity, all worse when pregnant), but I LOVED shopping at my cute little local cloth diaper store.  Not everyone has one, but if you do, they are so awesome and so nice to visit, and they have such cute tiny fluffy stuff, and if you come when you are pregnant or with a tiny baby they know if they can get you hooked they can, at the very least, sell you a couple sizes of your favorite things, so they will be super-nice.  

post #20 of 36
BRU IS overwhelming, especially with your first. There is so much that they say you MUST get, but really, you don't need it. I'm registering online this time, and don't plan on setting foot in the store unless I need to return or exchange something.
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