anyone more nervous the 2nd time? « Back to Group Discussions

[mommy55]

I had my first baby exactly 17 months ago......and just to give a little history, for years I didn't want to ever have kids b/c the idea of labor/delivery terrified me.  Thankfully, I didn't have any real anxiety during my pregnancy, and my delivery ended up being a really great experience - it's funny to be able to say that.  I labored for 3 1/2 hours, pushed 4 times, and our little guy was here!  I had a fantastic team - mom on my right side, DP on my left side, and an awesome L&D nurse.  I got through it without the epidural, which I never thought would have been possible.  I had a couple of stitches that never bothered me, and my recovery went really well.

Fast forward to now.  I'm 32 weeks in......I probably shouldn't even use the word "nervous" b/c I'm not sure that truly describes how I feel.  Maybe I'm a pessimist!  I feel like it went so well the first time, there's no way it could be as easy the second time.  I felt like Super Woman after my first delivery - if I could deliver a baby w/o drugs, I could take on the world!  But somehow I'm a little anxious about it.  I'm not anticipating any issues and we're delivering at the same hospital.  I've had another healthy pregnancy and I'm excited to meet the new baby.  Has anyone been a bit more anxious/nervous during a 2nd (3rd, etc.) pregnancy/delivery?

[Jaimee]

Yes, I was definitely more nervous the second time around and if possible more so this time.  I think a lot of it has to do with knowing better what's coming.  Even if your experience was great, and my first was as well, there is still that feeling of knowing that parts were difficult and will likely be difficult again (like transition).  I also think that the first time there can be this sort of blissful unknown where you can anticipate the birth like it's a challenge- fearlessly charging into the unknown, excited about the unknowns.  But the second time it's not unknown- you have a pretty good idea what's coming and then there is the anxiety that maybe it won't be as great or as easy as the first one.

I'm having anxiety about the third time b/c third labors are notoriously wild cards.

[Paigekitten]

I was more nervous with my second.  Part of that is because I hemorrhaged with my first and I was scared of that happening again.  Plus, I had kind of forgotten what labor felt like, and when it started the second time around I remember thinking to myself "WHY IN THE WORLD AM I DOING THIS AGAIN!"

I'm feeling pretty confident about this birth though.

[meesh933]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

I'm having anxiety about the third time b/c third labors are notoriously wild cards.

Ditto that. I'm starting to realize that I'm 33 weeks pregnant - this baby is coming out, and soon! I wouldn't say I'm nervous, I've been flat out blocking all thoughts of labor/birth. I really need to get my head around it, and soon! I can't keep pretending it's not going to happen for much longer...

[jbk21]

I experience a lot of emotions similar to the OP- like, things went so well with #1 (for me it's more health-wise than birth experience related, since I was induced and it was horrible) so how can they go well with #2?  My MW talked with me about that early in pregnancy and said it is very normal to feel that way, like how can I be so lucky AGAIN?  

For me the knowledge of what birth (and even post-partum recovery, and sleepless nights, etc) is a blessing and a curse.  We've got a toolbox of plans and solutions to work with because we know more now.  But, we also dread the awfulness of it when we're really in the trenches.  I know I can get through labor and birth- I know it's temporary (my friend, a mom of 3, keeps saying "It's just one really hard day."  so true.) and I know my body can do it.  I dread the sleepless nights and crying jags.  But I know that I will survive.  I dread feeling so out of it and I remember how hard the transition to parenthood was.  But I know we can adjust. 

In a way I almost feel excited about labor and birth.  I'm armed with more info, more techniques to relieve the pain, a better birth team, and hopefully will have a much better experience.  I'm really, really excited to experience the spontaneity of labor- since I was induced I never had that "I'm in labor!" revelation.  No water breaking, no contractions at home.  Just packed up in the car and went to the hospital to be artificially induced.  Ugh.  I think the transition into labor and the not knowing when it will happen is part of the experience and excitement.  It's a big surprise :-)  I'm thrilled to be able to experience that part of it this time.

[meesh933]

  I'm armed with more info, more techniques to relieve the pain, a better birth team, and hopefully will have a much better experience.  I'm really, really excited to experience the spontaneity of labor- since I was induced I never had that "I'm in labor!" revelation.  No water breaking, no contractions at home.  Just packed up in the car and went to the hospital to be artificially induced.  Ugh.  I think the transition into labor and the not knowing when it will happen is part of the experience and excitement.  It's a big surprise :-)  I'm thrilled to be able to experience that part of it this time.

I felt this way about my second birth. I was so pumped. My first was an intervention-riddled hospital birth, and I was so ready for my home birth. It was very healing, in a way. It was like I needed that peaceful home birth to really recover from my first birth. But now, well, it's just one hard day, I guess. I really haven't even started thinking about it, whereas last time I was reading/planning/processing it for the entire pregnancy. I've been more concerned with the logistics of it this time, since we now live in an apartment and my mom won't be able to come stay with us for 3 weeks waiting on baby to be born this time. I'm more worried about where the birth pool is going to go and who's going to watch the kids than the labor itself.

[mommy55]

OK, good to know I'm not the only one experiencing some of these thoughts/feelings!

[Abraisme]

Luckily, I found my second birth to be much easier.  I knew what to expect, I had prepared with Hypnobirthing, I was able to trust my body and the pushing phase was much faster.  I feel confident about #3, as I know my body can do it (even if it's hard).

[Paigekitten]

Originally Posted by meesh933 

I felt this way about my second birth. I was so pumped. My first was an intervention-riddled hospital birth, and I was so ready for my home birth. It was very healing, in a way. It was like I needed that peaceful home birth to really recover from my first birth. 

Yeah, I didn't have interventions, but my homebirth was so healing emotionally for me.  It's like it restored my confidence in my body and in birth.  I'm looking forward to this birth a lot more then my first two for that reason I think.

[munchymum]

I am so riddled with second-time worries.  I've moved area so I'm with a different hospital and team of midwives, and I just don't know what their attitudes are.  Will I get a home birth again or will they try to encourage me to come into hospital (in the UK they sometimes use a "shortage of midwives" as an excuse to get you in).  Will the midwife be truly supportive of home birth or will she advise me to transfer at the smallest opportunity?  (Last time there was mec in my waters, but we stayed at home and everything was fine).  Will my baby be posterior and give me a really rough time?  Last time I didn't really experience transition, but will it be really hard this time?  Aahhh!

I know I can deal with the pain, even if it's hard.  I think I worry a lot more about the things that are out of my control.  I wish I could afford an independent midwife but they cost around £3000 in the UK which is far more than I can afford.  So we are left with the NHS which, depending on your area, veers from being incredibly supportive of home birth to merely paying it lip service.

[mamabelle]

I have been talking with my husband and midwives a lot about anxiety this time, but have been working hard to work through it before the birth.  I had a fantastic first birth and our son is of course the most fantastic kid we've ever met  During my second trimester I was worried that things could not go that well for us twice, it wouldn't be "fair" or something.  I was focused on a lot of sad stories and scary outcomes at that point and have tried to shift my focus to all the mamas I know with wonderful families full of kids and get back to the confidence I had in my body with the first birth.  My midwife for the first birth definitely said something along the lines of trying to worry less about the labor and birth because it was essentially "one really hard day" as PP said.

During this trimester I have been worried about baby positioning or the baby coming early; things that would take away our homebirth option. (Baby is transverse right now at 33 weeks). I am trying to work through these fears now; taking care of myself and meditating on baby and womb knowing what they need to do.

I am also a little nervous about having to have a plan for my toddler during the labor this time around instead of just worrying about me!  I find meditation helpful when I can get the quiet space, and reading the birth stories in Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth book.  

I laugh at how calm and confident I was for the first birth, I kept having to reassure my nervous husband throughout the pregnancy.  This time I feel like I should be more confident, but my husband is having to reassure me!

[jasmin85]

I've been feeling really nervous, too.  I keep anticipating that this child will come early, and so does my husband, which is odd because DD was 10 days late!  I had some very intense BH a couple of weeks ago and it reminded me what it felt like to be in labor, and all of the anxieties/excitement of the baby actually being about to arrive.  I'm looking forward to a lot of it, but feeling very worried about the lack of sleep, the additional crying, constant diaper changes, the immediate changes in my body, etc. etc. etc.  I also have experienced the uncomfortable pain of labor and am not looking forward to feeling that again.  It's not so much the pain as it is the not-in-control feeling...your body is taking control and you have to roll with the punches, not to mention the "waves" of pain.  It's relieving to have a moment to breathe and relax only to have it come right back atcha.  Also, I've been feeling anxiety/stress because there is so much to juggle this time.  Last time it was just a matter of my husband getting to me and whisking me off to the hospital and calling my mom to come out.  This time we have a five year old, a dog, DHs work and whomever will be picking up DD/the dog, she could be at school or it could be the middle of the night or right before school, we have to notify the school and call the midwife, etc.  I guess it's not that much, but it's just all of the variables that concern me.  Last time I was just at home by myself and the chances of me being out and about were VERY slim, this time I pick up my daughter, run considerably more errands, and all in all get out of the house more.  I could be driving, I could be home by myself, I could be at the school or home alone with my daughter or it could be the middle of the night.  Of course, the good thing about the middle of the night is that DD would be asleep and wouldn't have to be whisked off right away (she is excited to go to auntie's or a friend's house rather than be there for the labor, her choice and I can't complain) and DH would already be home.  The only real pain is that it makes for a long night/day transition....

Eh, who knows, it just helps to put it all out there and realize it will probably all go fine, there is no way to plan but we can try to be prepared, and what will be will be I suppose. Just hoping he doesn't want to make an appearance too early because I want to have the midwives attend, of course.  =P  It will all work itself out...one way or another...I'm just a planner damn it, and I can't plan!  Haha.