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My Very Overweight 11yo - At A Loss! - Page 3

post #41 of 42


Originally Posted by April*autmaiajude* View Post

Good news: we had an honest talk yesterday about how she feels about her body, and she is very very gung-ho to start walking with me, and mentioned even trying out running (GOOD! we can do it together!).  The appointment has been made for the doc for blood work requisitions, and we are on our way, just like that.  She was grateful that I approached her, and it didn't hurt her as I thought it would.

thumbsup.gif  that's great news!!!  I'm so glad you guys were able to have an honest conversation and make a basic plan!



Something I've found helpful in talking to my own DDs about a lot of different subjects is called "non-violent communication."  It's a style of listening and responding to what is being said in ways that let the other person know that you really hear them. There are a couple of good books on it.


Originally Posted by poorlittlefish View Post

As a mother to 2 daughters and someone with a poor body image, I can only image in how you must feel and disagree so strongly with the people that are saying the she is heathy at her weight and leave her alone.  The world doesn't treat overweight people the same and it isn't healthy to be overweight.  Why would you want your DD's life to me any more difficult than it has to be.  I think you shoudl talk to your Dr. and talk to her about her weight from a health perspective, not a weight loss perspective but I think it should be address. 

Body image isn't tied to weight -- as some of the people with eating disorders can testify. There are lots of skinny woman who hate themselves. There are also women with curves who love themselves.


I think that how we are treated it tied more to what we project we believe about ourselves than our weight. So yes, someone who is overweight and hates themselves or their body is more likely to be treated badly, but there are a lot of big woman with confidence who project acceptance and self love, and they get that back.


I agree that all things being equal, being neither thin or fat is healthier than the extremes, but I strongly, strongly feel that no matter our DDs sizes, the best thing we can teach our DDs is to just love themselves. Unconditionally. Part of loving ourselves including our bodies healthy foods, and part of loving ourselves in finding ways we love to move that let us feel more alive. And part of it is speaking kindly to ourselves when we look in the mirror.


I lost 70 pounds. And I'm the exact same person I was before. Nothing in my life changed. I'm now a yoga teacher and I really love it, and I couldn't have got through yoga teacher training at my previous shape. And we hike a lot of weekends and I couldn't have done that before, and I really enjoy it. But I am just me. Life is easier when we love ourselves -- but skinny people still have problems and overweight people who blame their weight for their problems are just making excuses. Every one has problems.


I currently LOVE to teach yoga to women who are over-weight or are new to exercise. I really thrive on helping women connect to their bodies and listen to themselves. I don't teach weight loss yoga, I teach women to be kind to themselves -- no matter what their weight or current fitness level. Just move a little bit -- breathe -- notice how you feel. Repeat.


post #42 of 42

OP, I'm so glad it's working out well.  It's such a hard thing. 


Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post


I personally think Americans are overweight because of the last half of the 80s.  In the 80s it became obvious that our kids weren't safe playing outside...so, we started watching them closely, which meant they couldn't do all the things they were always doing.  It truly just wasn't safe.  Nothing can ever change that.  We can't even let our kids walk to school alone.   Then, Atari was born.  Then Kid's products started making sippy cups and little snack cups.  Then Costco started carrying Goldfish crackers in 4lb boxes, so our kids are never, ever without a snack and a drink.  

I agree that this TREND has been very damaging but agree with a PP that the danger is not true.  Kids are radically safer out in the world alone than I was, because not only does every passerby have a cell phone in case something is witnessed, but in many cases the kids do themselves.  Crime rates haven't gone up one bit.  Also we have sex offender registries we can view, updated, online, any time we want and our phones get Amber Alerts texted to us.  And *I* can be reached by cell if there's a problem.  I remember when I was little, if parents went out -- you could try to call the restaurant but really there were times people couldn't be reached.  Remember?  Remember when you were just plain on your own?


I have always been sceptical of parenting trends that suddenly shift in a generation and ask myself: what is the danger of NOT letting my kids out to play?  What are the possible consequences of going into totally unknown territory?  I've seen one of it:  I've met some of today's 20 year olds that cannot navigate for crap and think they are too good to ride a bike or use the bus.  But I think really they're just scared.


One of my friends' 9yo daughter is bulking up and she has even mentioned that her daughter does not go out to play and she knows part of that is her protectiveness.  She knows that when we are on the phone at any given moment her child is probably sitting around the house doing something sedentary and mine are running around outside or on their bikes.  No I can't see them, but I have to do dishes and laundry.  If they had to stay inside, or not go to the park every time *I* was busy, we'd either have a trashed house or they'd just be sitting around. 


It is hard to accept that for our kids' own good, we may need to not always know where they are.  Though remember thank goodness it's 2011, if you want to know you can give your kids a GPS phone and go track them online.


I got very angry a couple of years ago when the county pools changed policy from "children under 9 must have an adult" to "children under 13".  Now I'm getting mad again.  What else can a child who is not from a well off family do on a scorching summer afternoon in the South?  I'll tell you, they can bike to the pool and be active and healthy all afternoon and maybe the lifeguards will talk them into staying for swim team practice, which the county provides at a very low charge like the county provides pools at a very low charge -- so the kids can stay healthy. 


Or they can sit around their houses in the A/C while mom and dad are at work, watching Teen Moms and eating chips. 


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