Can I Take a Break?

[VisionaryMom]

I have various threads scattered around, but here's the short(-ish) story with a question.

I have 2 kids - ages 4 and 6. Both of my children are highly gifted, my son likely profoundly so in math. They're...intense - high energy all of the time. They're in dance (dd) and Tae Kwon Do (ds). DS also has some health problems related to a birth injury. They're manageable but time-consuming. 

I really dislike what I do. I develop content for websites. Long story short, but I'm looking for another career. I started applying for jobs in August, but my lack of history working for someone else (I've own my own company since 2004) apparently is going to make it next to impossible to find work.

For the last  year and a half, I've been debating leaving my marriage because my husband had become just unbearable. In May, he was caught having sex with someone else at work (thread in PaP about it). He was fired. There is video. It was the topic of public discussion in our town because of the jobs that he & the woman had.

We are trying to reconcile. We've moved to a different state and are renting out our house there. We found out that she set him up to get caught and that she'd been following him/our family for a few months. I knew someone had been in our house but really was starting to think I was losing it. She's tracked us down here, though he told me immediately when she contacted him at work. She broke into our old house, etc., etc...feels a bit like a Fatal Attraction kind of thing.

Now, the kids are in school. Hubby is at work. I'm starting to fall apart. I feel like I'm on edge constantly. My skin is on fire from the constant adrenaline rush. I'd actually started losing weight, but it's beginning to creep back up. I'm jumpy at the least little noise, and I got so panicked yesterday that I had to leave our apartment. (I do have a therapy appointment next week.)

Still, I took this 4-week medical billing course. (Basically I decided to switch to a career in accounting. I have a bachelor's degree in sociology and was taking accounting courses piecemeal, but that all stopped when we moved. I'm trying to find something to do with my life.) The idea was that I was supposed to apply for jobs when I was done. The class ended last night. I started talking to recruiters last week. It just doesn't look at that awesome for me right now unless I want a job in web analytics (which I have experience doing and apparently is plentiful here, but I DON'T WANT to do).

What I really want to do is this: get everyone off to school and work. Go to a coffee shop, work enough at content development to pay the mortgage on the house we left and daycare. Come home for lunch and spend the afternoon working out, handling domestic tasks that got behind when we moved, cleaning up, etc. In short, I want a break from working 50 hours a week around everyone's schedules, being responsible for the kids and the house, getting too little sleep. Is it selfish to ask for a month or two like this before I look for a full-time job? I need some downtime, but I don't want everyone else to suffer for it.  

[Learning_Mum]

Hell no it's not selfish!! Do it! You have been through a lot. You sound incredibly anxious and stressed, you NEED to take it easy for a while or you're going to collapse. Listen to yourself. You are fully allowed to look after yourself!

[Imakcerka]

Uh, you need to heal, you need regroup and you need to take care of you!

[annethcz]

I remember your PAP post.  I think it is completely reasonable for you to take a bit of time off.  If you can manage it financially (which it sounds like you can), I think it sounds like a great idea for you to take more time for yourself.

[Snapdragon]

Totally not selfish! Taking care of yourself is part of how you take care of your family. Go for it if you can do it- !

[*bejeweled*]

Your soul is telling you that you need to take care of you. Take the time to heal.

[FarmerBeth]

Take the time, for everybody!  Your whole family needs time to regroup, and it's nearly impossible to continue to be a present mother (especially of intense children) without taking time to care for yourself.  Also, when you work full time, if you dislike your job, that's a huge part of your day in misery.  I took a year off post moving, and about 2 months after the hassle, I realized it was like there was this weight off my chest, I could breathe, I could enjoy hobbies or laugh at jokes.  I realized I just couldn't handle going back  to work as a nurse between the crazy hours for a family and the on the job bullying.  I decided to use my transferable skills from nursing, childcare and parent counseling to become a (part time) teacher's aid, and I have no regrets!  If you work just enough to pay the bills, that allows you more time to look into work options that are more liveable.  And there's nothing wrong with even permanently working just enough to pay bills, especially if having more isn't making you happy.  You can have more money if you wish by finding ways to reduce costs or mixing a fun extra job or business that is not career oriented.

[kayleesmom]

hope things turn around soon sending hugs.

[mamaofprincesses]

I would totally do it. If you can manage for a month or two without, like, losing your home or starving somebody, then absolutely, nurture yourself. Everyone else will benefit.

So sorry for everything you are dealing with.