transition from 1 to 2.... - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[meesh933]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

It's been my experience with spirited children that there are very big humps at all the halves, but the worst tends to be 3.5 years old.  Every child is different of course, but I have definitely found my dd to follow this pattern, though, perhaps a few months ahead.  Hopefully you will get a lull at 3!   We are at another major hump here at 4.5 and I'm looking forward to the calming effect that 5 supposedly brings for most kids.  I've also heard that 2's tend to be a bit harder for boys and 3's for girls, but since my ds isn't 2 yet I can't comment other than to say that 3 was way harder than 2 for my dd.  There is a whole other level of sass that emerges.

I've found the same thing. I've been reading "Raising Your Spirited Child," and when she said that about the halves, I realized we've had the same thing here. (I highly recommend that book if you have a spirited kiddo, BTW. It's like an instruction book for handling by DD!) And at 4.5 things are getting interesting again. Three was a lot harder than two, here, too, and four has only been slightly better, really.

Both of my kids seem to be getting a little crazy as I get closer to my due date. My mom isn't going to be able to come spend several weeks with us like last time, and DH is pretty much going straight back to work (although he swears he's going to be only going in for a few hours a day, he has to go), so I'm getting kind of nervous. I'm going to be pretty much on my own from day one.

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by meesh933 

I've found the same thing. I've been reading "Raising Your Spirited Child," and when she said that about the halves, I realized we've had the same thing here. (I highly recommend that book if you have a spirited kiddo, BTW. It's like an instruction book for handling by DD!) And at 4.5 things are getting interesting again. Three was a lot harder than two, here, too, and four has only been slightly better, really.

Yep, ITA!  That book was really helpful.  I also put together an API meeting about parenting the spirited child (I am a certified API leader, though I haven't had a chapter to co-lead in a few years since we've been moving around so much!)  Anyway, if anyone is interested in reading the handout I made for that meeting, just PM me with your email address and I'd be happy to email you more information/resources.
 

[Krystal323]

good readin´...  =)  Jaimee, you´re spot-on =)

I think from 1-2 is the toughest transition, b/c just when you think you have everything down, the new kiddo comes and completely rips your carefully crafted perceptions to shreds!  At least, thatś a common scenario. 

I had a really mellow firstborn, and then the most feisty and assertive baby girl three years later.  I also had a lot of guilt about the (mainstream, authoritarian) way i parented my firstborn, and looking back, i realize that i tried to ¨fix it¨ by going to the other extreme in parenting his sister--which built confusion and resentment in him. 

I remember feeling SO guilty when I was expecting my 2nd.  I am an only child of only children, and I loved it that way.  I felt like i was ruining my 1stbornś life by having another baby!  Worse, he tended to feel the same way, at first!  I felt the same when I was having #3--guilty toward both of the older two.  Only now, years later, do I have the hindsight to realize that they actually really love each other, and what a cool blessing it is to have a big family, even in spite of the tradeoffs made (less $$, less one-on-one time, etc).

Of course, I fully admit that I have no clue about whatś normal WRT sibling relationships, as I never had any--LOL!  My oldest two seem to fight like cats and dogs sometimes, but the grand majority of the time, they all really like to be together.  So I guess weŕe doing okay.

FTR I highly recommend the Spirited Child book as well.  Itś a good description of my 2nd child.  Also, the Highly Sensitive Child is a good description of my 1stborn.  Sometimes it really helps to read something and be able to go, ¨ohhh good!  my kid´s not the only one who does that!¨  =)

[jbk21]

How are everyone's little ones doing as we get closer to birthing another baby?  I feel like my son is getting sort of.... nervous (? might not be the right word).  He just seems more apprehensive.  At the beginning he was very excited about baby.  Perhaps it's because we talk about how he's going to be coming soon, and how things in the house are becoming more baby-centric (gifts, room getting set up, etc) that now he is catching on that this is really happening.  Sometimes he just doesn't want to talk about it.  

Is there anything I can do to make this easier for him?  We try to buffer by telling him stories about his birth, early infancy, etc.  We don't talk too much about the baby but we do mention every once in a while that he is coming soon and that he might cry a lot, etc.  Just little reminders here and there.  As soon as he gets apprehensive we back off.  I don't want to upset him.... But I also want him to like his baby brother!  How can I get him excited about it?
 

[KayPea]

My DD has been going through a toilet regression and a sleep regression in these last few weeks, pretty much connected to how tired I am getting here at the end. Plus I think she's getting her last 2-year molar right now, and teething = screaming and crazy bedtimes around here. She's spirited as well, and Raising Your Spirited Child was so useful. 

[Abraisme]

My 7yo (he's almost 8yo) DS could really seem to care less about the birth.  He's generally neutral about the fact that there will be a new baby, nothing negative, just disinterest..  The other day I tried to explain to him about labor and birth, about halfway through I asked him if he wanted to know and he said, "no, not really".   Then, when I let him know that Grandma will be taking him to do something on the day I'm in labor, he got excited.   Shrug, I guess it's a 7yo boy thing?  Anyone else have any btdt experience with a kid that doesn't seem to care much?  Sometimes he'll feel the baby kick or hug my belly, but has really shown little to no interest in birth or babies. 

My 26mo DD is VERY excited about the whole thing.  At least at the level that she understands.  She loves to watch birth videos and now every time she sees a baby in public she says, "that baby came out of the big mommy belly!".  This morning she woke up and asked me if my baby was going to come out of my big belly.  We'll see how it turns out when the time comes, but so far, so good.  She's really into babies right now.

[seraf]

Originally Posted by Abraisme 

My 7yo (he's almost 8yo) DS could really seem to care less about the birth.  He's generally neutral about the fact that there will be a new baby, nothing negative, just disinterest..  The other day I tried to explain to him about labor and birth, about halfway through I asked him if he wanted to know and he said, "no, not really".   Then, when I let him know that Grandma will be taking him to do something on the day I'm in labor, he got excited.   Shrug, I guess it's a 7yo boy thing?  Anyone else have any btdt experience with a kid that doesn't seem to care much?  Sometimes he'll feel the baby kick or hug my belly, but has really shown little to no interest in birth or babies. 

My 8yo DS didn't care most of the pregnancy.  He would hug my belly good-by sometimes, he would also, shake my belly and yell, "wake up baby!"  He asked every week how big the baby should be, but he was uninterested in the idea of birth.  Said, "don't wake me up."  He wasn't home when his brother came and he finds it a little boring.  He really expected more of a baby than a newborn.  He thought they were getting an instant playmate, not someone who "only sleeps and cries."  He does love to talk to him when he's awake, tho.  You know, both minutes of the day.  I think kids that age just have bigger things on their minds.  Like nuclear energy (or maybe that's just my 8 year old).
 

[Abraisme]

  I highly doubt my DS is thinking about nuclear energy. 
 

Originally Posted by seraf 

My 8yo DS didn't care most of the pregnancy.  He would hug my belly good-by sometimes, he would also, shake my belly and yell, "wake up baby!"  He asked every week how big the baby should be, but he was uninterested in the idea of birth.  Said, "don't wake me up."  He wasn't home when his brother came and he finds it a little boring.  He really expected more of a baby than a newborn.  He thought they were getting an instant playmate, not someone who "only sleeps and cries."  He does love to talk to him when he's awake, tho.  You know, both minutes of the day.  I think kids that age just have bigger things on their minds.  Like nuclear energy (or maybe that's just my 8 year old).
 

[seraf]

Ask him!  you might be surprised!  When we picked the kids up, they both looked at the baby and then DS told me how a nuclear reaction works.  I can't say I understand the fascination, but it sure is cute hearing about fission and isotopes from one so passionate.  I think at 7 we were still all about sea life.

Originally Posted by Abraisme 

  I highly doubt my DS is thinking about nuclear energy. 
 

[Abraisme]

My DS tends to get obsessed with building and strategy games.  He recently went from chess (which he got very too at) to origami.  He's very spacial and linear (very little imagination), so I suspect that he thinks about patterns and instruction manuals. 
 

Originally Posted by seraf 

Ask him!  you might be surprised!  When we picked the kids up, they both looked at the baby and then DS told me how a nuclear reaction works.  I can't say I understand the fascination, but it sure is cute hearing about fission and isotopes from one so passionate.  I think at 7 we were still all about sea life.

[Jaimee]

As I am getting more and more run down (especially  now that we're all coughing at all hours of the night and basically getting no sleep again), I am finding dd (4.5 yo) is getting more and more sensitive.  She's still very excited about the baby and asking when it will come, touching my belly, wanting to feel it move, etc. but her behavior suggests that other things are going on inside her head as well.  She's crying over the smallest things and last night she woke up (well, I'm not sure she was even asleep, it had only been about 5-10 minutes since I tucked her in) saying she had a bad dream that dh and I had died.  She was beside herself.  After lots of talking and hugs she went back to sleep and woke up in the middle of the night saying she didn't understand why her panties were wet and burst into tears.  I felt her panties and they were dry, so was her bed.  I sent her to the bathroom and then dh snuggled her back to sleep, but clearly something is up!

I poured some of this out to my mw today and she said, sounds like you'd like to get this baby out sooner rather than later.  And that's just the thing!  No, I'm terrified of that actually!  I want MORE time so that this can all settle, so we can kick this cough and start sleeping again!  ugh.

[TalkToMeNow]

Here's how mine are dealing: 

14 yr old is excited, but it's no Facebook or Homecoming dance. She certainly is not fawning over baby clothes or anything! I think this is just an age where friends are everything. I remember being like this, as well.

9.5 yr old is the most excited. The baby's room is her favorite place in the house. She goes above and beyond to help me with everything, and feels like she can take on some of the household responsibilities after the baby is born. I'm sure she will try to cook for me and keep her little sister quiet, etc. Anytime I was baby laundry, she wants to help me fold it and organize it. She's always trying to help me get stuff ready for him. She's even sewing him a doll. 

Almost 7 yr old does not seem to really get it. I mean, she knows I'm having a baby, she likes to feel the baby kick, she makes little crafts for the baby... but she does not seem to understand that anything is going to change. She is not trying to be helpful at all. In fact, recently she's become more whiny/ clingy/ cranky. In her case, she's losing her place as the baby. And she has milked being the baby! (Our fault!) Especially with dh and dsd... she can still get them to carry her around. She still loves to sit on our laps, snuggle, etc. She is only in first grade. But anyway, she is acting out right now, I believe in anticipation of this change. 

[Krystal323]

Heh, similar things going on at my house re: the similar ages.  My 12yo is mildly interested--I think he's looking forward to me not being such a slow-moving grump, mostly   Doesnt' wanna see the birth, but wants to be around for it.

The 9yo is really excited, convinced it's a girl, wants to help with everything.  She says she wants to see the birth, but then she's the most shy/modest kid of the lot of us...so I dunno whether she really will or not when it comes to it.  

The 4.5yo is excited but aloof about it--like, "hurry up already, baby!".  She says she wants to see the birth tho.

And the almost 2yo is aware but regressing/clingy.  I keep having to clean up potty accidents, and he's nursing like 6-8 times a day again.  He pats my belly and says "baby in-dere" and "baby come OUT" pretty often.  He also wants to play with my sore, stretched-taut belly button and twiddle while he's nursing, which I'm NOT cool with at all 

[TalkToMeNow]

I'm convinced 9 is the perfect aged sibling for a new baby! I read somewhere once that every baby should come with a 9 yr old. Funny!!

[MrsKatie]

Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow 

I'm convinced 9 is the perfect aged sibling for a new baby! I read somewhere once that every baby should come with a 9 yr old. Funny!!

My little sister was born 2 months shy of my 9th birthday, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.  She is my soul mate.  I can't even describe how I feel about her.  It was perfect being that age with a baby; NO sibling rivalry, only pure adoration and love.  And it's still that way, 20 years later.  There's no weird tension or jealousy or anything like that.  She's just my other half.

In short, I agree!

[Abraisme]

That's sweet.
 

Originally Posted by MrsKatie 

My little sister was born 2 months shy of my 9th birthday, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.  She is my soul mate.  I can't even describe how I feel about her.  It was perfect being that age with a baby; NO sibling rivalry, only pure adoration and love.  And it's still that way, 20 years later.  There's no weird tension or jealousy or anything like that.  She's just my other half.

In short, I agree!

[Code Name Mama]

My 3yo is driving me insane. He will not let me drop him off at his regular playdate, he's super SUPER intense emotionally, and he's having a resurgence of the "I can't entertain myself" phase. That last part in particular scares me, because dude - I cannot entertain you all day when I have a newborn, child!! (sigh) While he says he's excited for the new baby, I know he's feeling a lot of anxiety, so it's been a lesson in patience for me to keep that in mind as we're moving through these last weeks. And of course, I'm uber emotional about losing our special 1 on 1 time - he probably picks that up as well.

[TalkToMeNow]

MrsKatie, thank you so much for sharing that! What an awesome story. It makes me super happy to think about the future for my kids.

One thing I'm pretty sure I won't worry about is sibling rivalry. All of them except dd1 and dd2 are too far apart to fight. Everyone will be way too old to have any issues with this one. Well, that's what I think anyway. I mean the closest to him is dd2, and they will be 7 years apart. I can not imagine a 12 yr old and 5 yr old fighting! It's like dsd with the other two girls: they don't ever fight. It would be weird!

[Krystal323]

Yeah, my 12yo and 4.5yo don't often fight--usually they play splendidly together!  The 9yo and the 5yo, however?  Gosh I wish I could separate their rooms--they fight like cats and dogs!  Come to think of it, it's not much better between the 12yo and the 9yo....lol.  Everybody loves the 2yo tho!  

I'm an only child of only children, so I have no clue how these things usually play out, LOL.

[Abraisme]

I don't think there is a way that things 'usually play out'.   I have 4 siblings that are very spaced out (over 20 years).  Mostly the few that are really far apart in ages don't have much relationship.  I have a sister thats 6 years older than me and we're just starting to form our own relationship.  I also have a sister that's 13 years younger than me and we aren't quite there yet..  Sometimes close siblings don't even like each other, so who knows?  It's part of the crap-shoot of life and individual personalities. 
 

Originally Posted by Krystal323 

Yeah, my 12yo and 4.5yo don't often fight--usually they play splendidly together!  The 9yo and the 5yo, however?  Gosh I wish I could separate their rooms--they fight like cats and dogs!  Come to think of it, it's not much better between the 12yo and the 9yo....lol.  Everybody loves the 2yo tho!  

I'm an only child of only children, so I have no clue how these things usually play out, LOL.