When Is a Child Old Enough To Understand Consequences of Actions?

[wishin'&hopin']

Hi there, I have an almost 18 month old and I am wondering when I can expect him to understand consequences.  

For example: if you are rough with the cat the cat will not let you play with him (after the cat runs off from DS being a little rough)--this being a natural consequence.  Or, "if you hit your friends we will have to go home" (this being a less natural consequence, I think, but priority being keeping friends safe)--then "you hit, so and so, we will have to go home now since we can't hit our friends."  

Is he too young to understand consequences?  What would you suggest as an alternative if he is indeed, as I suspect, too young? 

Redirection has been our tool of choice, but I'm wondering how to best expand our toolkit.  

[Jenni1894]

I think they are starting to understand.

My 18 mo likes to dump her plate over and feed the dog for instance.   Consequence is that the dog eats her food.   One time I didn't replace her snack b/c she threw it on the ground (goldfish) and I didn't give her any more.   She doesn't do it any more.  

Simple things...and I kinda think that now is a good of time as any to start teaching.  

[LynnS6]

There's two skills they need to learn:

1. The consequences of their actions. This is easily learned for some things (you look over your shoulder while running and slam into the door, you're a bit more careful). It's hard to learn for others (when you boss the neighborhood kids around, they get mad -- still working on that at age 7). Almost every 18 month old I know is fascinated by gravity. I think it took a month or two of saying "oh, that means you're done" and asking them to help clean up before it stuck. My dd learned at 9 months that when she bit me while nursing, nursing stopped for a while.

2. Impulse control: That's the ability to not do an action, or even harder to STOP an action you've already started. This too, varies. At 9 months, my dd would get the 'I want to bite look', then remember and shake her head while still latched on. It was like she was telling herself 'no'. (And it was, I will say, more painful that being bitten!) For the thrill of throwing things down? That took a lot longer. Most kids have decent impulse control by 4, but parts are still developing through the childhood years (no, your friends don't really need to know how you feel about that).

[wishin'&hopin']

Thanks!  My guy seems to get the thing about biting, is usually great with the animals, and actually isn't a hitter (thank goodness, altho' I know that phases come and go--and I want to be prepared).  I know we lucked out with a fairly easy temperment.  I'm mostly trying to get a sense of what I can and should expect from other toddlers and parents.  

[ChitownTracy]

i have worked with infants through kindergarteners- i would say impulse control (depending on the child) begins to develop towards the end of toddler- very close to 2 years old...I just spend the last school year working with 2 year olds.  Even the most mild mannered/reserved kiddos would lose all self control- when presented with an exciting activity etc.  Bringing the water table out (even though it was a daily thing) would have most kids pushing & shoving & biting to get to the table. 

self control in regards to emotions- closer to 4.  This is usually the age when empathy helps (the child can understand- if i take this toy, the other child might be sad, hit me or bite!)

HTH!

[Xerxella]

Redirection does seem to work best at that age, but some natural/logical consequences start to pop up.  Like, I remember with my dd at about 15 months she figured out how to climb up on the kitchen chairs and then stand up on them.  She was very proud of her accomplishment, but I was more concerned for her safety.  So, I'd tell her, "We don't stand on chairs.  Down please."  And, then when she didn't, I'd pick her up and put her down.  She'd be really mad (because she worked so hard to get up there), but we'd just keep repeating this exercise until she stopped standing on chairs.  (While she'd still stand on chairs sometimes, but now when I say, "Sit down please" she does sit back down on her own.) 

[wishin'&hopin']

Well, today we got to enjoy the natural consequences of petting bees   

"Sweetie, we don't touch bees, they bite, ouch, bite!"  

"Look with eyes"

"Don't touch bees"

I'm hoping I can stop repeating myself on this one now!