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Husband makes snarky comments about me, not sure if I want son to grow up like that.... - Page 2

post #21 of 28

You are the only one who knows if your husband is abusive or not.  If he's a good guy other than that, it might just be that he's feeling stressed too.  You should definitely stand up for yourself though, don't allow him to make those comments without telling him to shut it.  Sometimes a little bitchiness is enough to get a man's attention and let him know he's crossed a line.  Maybe you could talk to him when you aren't mad, when things are more neutral, and tell him you will not put up with it anymore.  It should be enough that it hurts your feelings, especially if you are raising children as  a stay at home mom.  If he's reasonable, you should be able to compromise (both of you).

post #22 of 28

FarmMommy:

 

I hope you come back and read this thread because your answer is alarming. You are blaming yourself for your husbands abuse. You thought of every way you contribute to being verbally abused by your husband and how you can stop it. Its not YOU dear! Its him! 

 

Please reread what you wrote: "We can recognize that and know we are doing our best (if that's the case). Sometimes I sleep a little too long or don't do things right away when I should, and then I am guilty of being lazy.  So, we all have our weaknesses we need to work against." Are you serious? Its ok for him to treat *so* poorly that your children pick up on it because you sleep in sometimes? Because sometimes you sit down? Because sometimes you don't jump when he says? We all do that! Its normal to do all those things. YOu are a human being. You are his wife, not his employee.

 

"I know sometimes my husband doesn't treat me very nicely in front of the children and sometimes they don't treat me well, probably as a result. I try to prioritize/anticipate their needs nevertheless to help the family run smoothly. God sees if we are treated wrongly and notes our sacrifice" NOOO! You are their mother! You love them. They should love you and treat you with RESPECT regardless. You are not a slave. Or a mind reader. You are not the problem!

 

This is a pattern of abuse. I am not telling you this out of a place of judgement, but out of genuine concern. 

 

From the bottom of my heart - you need to see a therapist or counselor. This is not good. You are not alone. You deserve better.

post #23 of 28
Thread Starter 

I do agree with this...I've never been one to really be still, sit down too much or be lazy...but if you want to be...then you have that right.  My husband on the other hand just says mean things even when I AM buzzing all around the house busy!  But I agree...I would never justify that what I was doing was wrong!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleMomma1980 View Post

FarmMommy:

 

I hope you come back and read this thread because your answer is alarming. You are blaming yourself for your husbands abuse. You thought of every way you contribute to being verbally abused by your husband and how you can stop it. Its not YOU dear! Its him! 

 

Please reread what you wrote: "We can recognize that and know we are doing our best (if that's the case). Sometimes I sleep a little too long or don't do things right away when I should, and then I am guilty of being lazy.  So, we all have our weaknesses we need to work against." Are you serious? Its ok for him to treat *so* poorly that your children pick up on it because you sleep in sometimes? Because sometimes you sit down? Because sometimes you don't jump when he says? We all do that! Its normal to do all those things. YOu are a human being. You are his wife, not his employee.

 

"I know sometimes my husband doesn't treat me very nicely in front of the children and sometimes they don't treat me well, probably as a result. I try to prioritize/anticipate their needs nevertheless to help the family run smoothly. God sees if we are treated wrongly and notes our sacrifice" NOOO! You are their mother! You love them. They should love you and treat you with RESPECT regardless. You are not a slave. Or a mind reader. You are not the problem!

 

This is a pattern of abuse. I am not telling you this out of a place of judgement, but out of genuine concern. 

 

From the bottom of my heart - you need to see a therapist or counselor. This is not good. You are not alone. You deserve better.



 

post #24 of 28
Thread Starter 

UPDATE:

 

Things are going MUCH better. I had DH take care of Aiden ALL weekend all by himself while I worked downstairs in the basement.  I still did Aidens bath time in the evening and obviously came up to play with him occasionally...but DH was totally wiped out and realized I can't do everything while caring for Aiden.

 

1 Step in a very long process...but I think it's progress!

post #25 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beebsmom View Post

UPDATE:

 

Things are going MUCH better. I had DH take care of Aiden ALL weekend all by himself while I worked downstairs in the basement.  I still did Aidens bath time in the evening and obviously came up to play with him occasionally...but DH was totally wiped out and realized I can't do everything while caring for Aiden.

 

1 Step in a very long process...but I think it's progress!


I'd maybe do this a few weekends in a row. It gets your house ready for the winter holidays and your child gets some daddy-bonding time! joy.gif
post #26 of 28

Wow! Yay!!! That is wonderful! Please don't read my last post! You all are way better off! That gas-lighting page was some real bad stuff. I think you are very close to were I use to be! I have a SAHD now, with me... it is a totally different juggle, but I love him so much! We work it all out! 

 

It is really something when my DH goes on about traditional families vs nuclear/today's families and how wacky it all is to keep it all up. As a home daddy he now has a whole new outlook about dreams too, and spaces...much more simple than before and he was already a minimalist. Just no where ever near victorian or "all done up".. I love him :) 

post #27 of 28

sending along hugs and i hope things work out the way you think is best.

post #28 of 28

OP, just wondering how things have been with the husband. After reading some of the ways in which you describe your husband's behaviors, its seems on the surface he is a little bit Borderline, as in Borderline Personality Disorder- he seems ALOT like my ex husband...if you are interested look up Borderline Personality Disorder, and a really great book called Walking On Eggshells. It opened up my eyes and I found techniques to dealing with my ex's behaviors that your husband and my ex seem to share. Good luck!

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