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Apparently my son nursing is "getting his own way" - Page 2

post #21 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by EchoSoul View Post

 

It was like the other day.. I came upstairs from taking care of my MIL's cats(..yeaaah) because I heard my son's tones from upstairs change EVER so slightly into not being happy. Mammas can do that, y'know? Pick up the slightest verbal changes. So I came upstairs and asked why he was fussing.  They got offended and said he's just been "talking". My son saw me and started whimpering to be nursed and they were like, "Sure, see mommy and get whimpified. He WAS perfectly fine." I didn't explain it, just took him into the other room to nurse him. He nursed for like 10 minutes, and when I brought him back out..HAPPY baby again!


Yeah, when my parents were over the other week, my daughter was lying on her blanket on the floor and everyone was interacting with her. When I sensed that change in her tone, I picked her up and commented that she sounded like she was starting to get upset, and my parents started with a whole thing of pretending to say what the baby was thinking (like you do)... "She says 'I was doing fine until you went and messed with me'". Oh, and very early on I commented that maybe she was fussing because of a full diaper, and my mom was all "Oh, dirty diapers never bother babies". Well, guess what, dirty diapers DO bother THIS baby, as it turns out, and she WAS starting to get upset when I thought she was. We know our own kids best! It's annoying when other people start presuming to know them better.

post #22 of 41

I have a kid who is not very verbal, even at age six, she can't tell people easily what's wrong, and especially not when she's, say, coming out from under anesthesia. That "mama sense" turned out to be vital for her, the last time she had anesthesia. I got them to bring me back early, essentially as a translator, and what do you know, she's lying there making her unhappy, having-trouble-breathing noise, and they're saying she's "fine"...

 

I just said, "She is not capable of crying the way you expect children to cry, and that is the sound she makes when she's having respiratory difficulty. Right now she's in pain and fighting for air."

 

And what do you know... they got her some blow-by oxygen and some pain meds, and she was calm again. 

 

Honor that mama sense. One of the biggest benefits of responding to our kids early and often is that they learn that they can communicate their needs without screaming. For parents/grandparents who take longer to respond, they think "Oh, if the kid's not screaming, they don't want anything." But our babies expect that people are going to understand what they mean when they gnaw their fists, and it takes them longer to get worked up, because they haven't learned to "cut to the chase" of crying when they need something because gosh, people usually figure it out for them earlier than that. 

 

If I'd waited for my younger daughter to cry before I did anything for her, she would have died. The kiddo did not ask for food once in her first year. 

post #23 of 41
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by WifeofAnt View Post

My comeback (usually used for cosleeping) is that its not about him.  I'm getting MY WAY!!  I have a happy boy, I don't have to get out of bed, and I got plenty of sleep.  No zombie mamas in my house.  You have a little boy who poops in a potty which makes less mess for you and tells you what he needs to stay happy.  Tons of moms out there WISH they could understand their babies like you do.  Sure he's getting what he wants... but you are too!



VERY true. I can't imagine going back to the first few days when I was formula-feeding him at night. So exhausting. This is much, much easier.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenrose View Post

My first was 24 pounds at 6 months... and 26 pounds at a year... and 27 pounds at almost 2... they slim down once they get active. At 6 months though, her rolls of fat had rolls of fat. She's a very trim adult now, not terribly tall either... with great eating habits. Especially... she stops when she gets full, and eats when she's hungry. I'll never regret feeding her as much as she wanted at the breast in her first two years. Never. 



My son SCREAMS if I offer the wrong breast. He either wants the foremilk or the hindmilk or the foremilk and then the hindmilk and he makes sure EVERYONE knows it. There's no doubt in my mind he's controlling his intake of calories.



Quote:
Originally Posted by CheriK View Post

Rant away!  It's good to find a safe place to vent about this sort of thing.  You've gotten lots of ideas, but I wanted to reiterate having your fiance talk to his parents.  Really, he's the one with the long-term relationship w/ G'ma and G'pa, he should know what approach will best work with them, and (at least in my own family) I see it as his responsibility to draw any lines that need to be drawn.  You may decide that it's not worth the effort, but if this is really bugging you, then I'd address it sooner rather than later.  Critiques about your parenting style are likely to continue.  It can really make a difference for Mom and Dad to present a united front.  I found the comments (to me at least; I've heard stories about what MY MIL has said to other relatives, but I can ignore it when it's not said to my face) basically stopped once my husband reminded his mom that these were our children, it was our turn to make our own decisions, and we were doing what worked for our family.  Sometimes, also, grandparents see different parenting choices as criticism of the choices that they made.  It might help to acknowledge that they did a pretty good job w/ their own son (after all, you love this guy enough to marry him & have a child with him, so they can't have completely messed up ;-) but now it's your turn and you also have to find your own way as a parent.

 

I did want to comment that your son's weight is perfectly fine for him.  It's normal for breastfed babies to grow quite quickly at first.  If his genetics are toward being a big boy, then he'll likely stay big.  If not, don't be surprised if his weight gain slows WAY down or even stop for a time at some point in the future.

 

As you already know, a 6-month old's needs and wants are the same thing.  The need to be held, comforted, feel secure is as real as the needs to eat, poop, sleep.  Your inlaws seem to belong to the school that believes children's needs aren't important and should be regulated.  You will probably never change that belief, but setting some limits on what sort of comments you'll tolerate NOW is likely to keep your relationship calmer in the future. 


That's what I read. That they grow rapidly for like the first 6 months and start to level out. At his 5 month doctor's appointment he was 25 lbs 10 oz, at his 6 month WIC check-up the other day he was 26 lbs 12 oz. So he definitely does seem to be leveling. Point is I'm not worried. Haven't been worried. He's actually very slim when he's laying down that his grandparents don't seem to realize. it's only when he's sitting up he has rolls and rolls but then..it's normal for adults to have rolls when they sit too. It's just more noticeable with infants.

 

As far as what belief they hold..they're of the "self-soothe" belief. :/ Not extreme self-soothe, thank goodness. But self-soothing nonetheless.

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by Viola View Post

It *is* fine for a 6 month old to weigh 25 lbs, especially if it is a breastfed 6 month old who has some control over how he is getting fed.  Now if she were force feeding him, that would be a different story.  I've known a number of babies who weighed that much at that age, and then slimmed down as they got older, basically grew taller without gaining anymore weight for awhile and are slender children. My children were slimmer as babies but became heavier as children. I don't really understand the reasoning that because your grandchild weighs 25 lbs at the age of 3 that somehow her child's weight isn't acceptable.  Even if the MIL is concerned about the baby's weight, children should never be put on reducing diets.  And if a MIL is starting to pick on the weight of a child when he is a baby, there is not good stuff coming down the road.

 

But I think that the original poster should feel that she has enough freedom to tell her ILs that they expect to get their own way too.  If you are afraid to point something like that out, it doesn't sound like there is an honest open relationship here.  Maybe you can come up with just one thing to say everytime, and maybe they'll get the hint.  Something like, "He should get his own way at least some of the time" or something like what seraf said, "Nursing is more than nutrition" and if they really won't leave it alone, something like, "I find your opinion disrespectful."


I've been on quite a few mom blogs about their breastfed babies and that's what I've found out as well. His weight is actually very normal for being exclusively breastfed. He's also got tall, broad-shouldered men in the family. :)

 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenrose View Post

He's getting his way. As he should, lucky kid. 

 

 


Thanks. :)

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post

I am a MIL. Mothers tend to think of babies as their baby. In the ideal situation a baby is born in a supportive web of relationships. The grandmother relationship should be very important for the child and the grandmother. That relationship doesn't have to involve the mother. If you can't agree with your MIL that's okay as long as she is good to your child.

 

Your son should say something to his mother about how it is rude to talk to you that way. She can think what she wants but she shouldn't say it to you and she shouldn't say it around the baby.

 

She may be concerned about your baby's weight. It sounds like you think it is fine for a 6 month old to weigh 25 pounds. My grandson just turned 3 and weighs 25 pounds. He is just within the low limits of normal weight for his age and height. I would be concerned if my grandchild weighed 25 pounds at 6 months. Besides being concerned about the child's health it is going to be hard to carry him now and as a toddler. Either you are going to be sore or he isn't going to get carried and end up being in strollers or not getting to go places.

 

Picking away at you with comments about your relationship with your baby isn't the way to do it. There can be a concern that a breastfed baby can weigh too much because the mother nurses when other mothering things could be done to calm the baby to a very abnormal extent. You can find it online and she may know about it. I don't think from what you describe this is an issue for you and your son.

 

 

 

My fiance had NO idea those comments bothered me until just the other day when I finally told him. Since the last time, his parents haven't said anything else. If they do, I'm sure he'll say something then. As far as his weight, I've told her the truth. His weight is normal, from the breastfeeding mom blogs I've visited, and correlates very smoothly with his height. There shouldn;t be a cause for concern. We're not concerned, neither is his doctor.
 

 

post #24 of 41

Jenrose had a baby that was 24 pounds at 6 mo, 26 at a year, and 27 at almost 2 years. This is not how a child is supposed to grow. Doctors can step in if a child makes drops on the percentile chart or doesn't gain enough if the child didn't have a medical condition to explain the reason for the lack of weight gain. They would make the parents do things to make the child gain weight, hospitalize the child, or take the child away and put the child in foster care. Jenrose's child would be considered failure to thrive (FTT) because he fell more than 2 major percentile points on the standard growth charts. If you have a baby that is at the 95th percentile doctors expect the baby to stay around the 95th percentile. Doctors and CPS could have taken over care of her child no matter what she thinks about breastfeeding.

 

post #25 of 41
Thread Starter 

Quote:

Originally Posted by erigeron View Post

Yeah, when my parents were over the other week, my daughter was lying on her blanket on the floor and everyone was interacting with her. When I sensed that change in her tone, I picked her up and commented that she sounded like she was starting to get upset, and my parents started with a whole thing of pretending to say what the baby was thinking (like you do)... "She says 'I was doing fine until you went and messed with me'". Oh, and very early on I commented that maybe she was fussing because of a full diaper, and my mom was all "Oh, dirty diapers never bother babies". Well, guess what, dirty diapers DO bother THIS baby, as it turns out, and she WAS starting to get upset when I thought she was. We know our own kids best! It's annoying when other people start presuming to know them better.


I almost feel sorry for his grandparents because they don't know any better. Especially when they think his fussing is him "happily talking" when in actuality he's stating he's upset because his diaper is wet. In which case I respond, speaking for my son, "No, he's saying, 'Help me! I'm wet, mom! Ew!'"

 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenrose View Post

I have a kid who is not very verbal, even at age six, she can't tell people easily what's wrong, and especially not when she's, say, coming out from under anesthesia. That "mama sense" turned out to be vital for her, the last time she had anesthesia. I got them to bring me back early, essentially as a translator, and what do you know, she's lying there making her unhappy, having-trouble-breathing noise, and they're saying she's "fine"...

 

I just said, "She is not capable of crying the way you expect children to cry, and that is the sound she makes when she's having respiratory difficulty. Right now she's in pain and fighting for air."

 

And what do you know... they got her some blow-by oxygen and some pain meds, and she was calm again. 

 

Honor that mama sense. One of the biggest benefits of responding to our kids early and often is that they learn that they can communicate their needs without screaming. For parents/grandparents who take longer to respond, they think "Oh, if the kid's not screaming, they don't want anything." But our babies expect that people are going to understand what they mean when they gnaw their fists, and it takes them longer to get worked up, because they haven't learned to "cut to the chase" of crying when they need something because gosh, people usually figure it out for them earlier than that. 

 

If I'd waited for my younger daughter to cry before I did anything for her, she would have died. The kiddo did not ask for food once in her first year. 


Wow. That's tough :/ My fiance was of the same mind, "I was fine until you messed with me" or "He only JUST started fussing!" until I talked with him the other day. But his parents? Not as easy. They believe when our son starts fussing hardcore that it's him seeing me and wanting to make me believe he's upset so I'll nurse him, me making a coward out of him etc etc.. When in reality, I picked up the minute changes in his tone.

 

post #26 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post

Jenrose had a baby that was 24 pounds at 6 mo, 26 at a year, and 27 at almost 2 years. This is not how a child is supposed to grow. Doctors can step in if a child makes drops on the percentile chart or doesn't gain enough if the child didn't have a medical condition to explain the reason for the lack of weight gain. They would make the parents do things to make the child gain weight, hospitalize the child, or take the child away and put the child in foster care. Jenrose's child would be considered failure to thrive (FTT) because he fell more than 2 major percentile points on the standard growth charts. If you have a baby that is at the 95th percentile doctors expect the baby to stay around the 95th percentile. Doctors and CPS could have taken over care of her child no matter what she thinks about breastfeeding.

 


This is complete and total bullsh*t. Im sorry, but where are you getting this information? What doctor do you see and can I please have their phone number to call and verify that they told you this?

After reading this, I actually had to make two phone calls: one to someone I know who works for CPS, and one to a friend of mine who is a family doctor and oversees the health of over 100 children. Both of them told me that your statement was not only incorrect, but slightly insane. The idea that an almost two year old who weighed over 25 lbs would be considered FTT was downright laughable to both of them. I will call my ped tomorrow to ask her what she considers before determining a child FTT. FTT refers to children whose weight gain is significantly less than that of their peers. 27 lbs for a two year old is not "significantly less".

Seriously, babies fluctuate on the percentile chart hugely between 6 months and two years. My kid was at 10% at her one year appointment, and at less than 5% now. She is perfectly healthy, developed mentally well, physically active, and eats plenty of food. She runs around all the time and her ped has zero concern about her weight or height. TONS of kids gain weight in the beginning, level out once they reach the heightened activity level, and dont gain much during their second year. My daughter has gained less than a pound since her first birthday (she is almost 19 months) and we went to the ped last week and she is doing just fine. She is NOT considered FFT by her ped, or anyone else for that matter because of her weight. FTT is determined by A LOT more than a child's weight, especially at the age of activity (between one and two years.)

AND, as the older sister of a child who was diagnosed FTT at three years old weighs in at a whopping 90 lbs at 24 years old I can verify that CPS does not take your child away or force you to to hospitalize them if they are diagnosed FTT. My mother was NEVER forced to do anything other than take him to regular doctor's appointments, although she did eventually allow him to be injected with HGH, which boosted him up by about 4 inches and helped him gain 15 lbs.

Please, come back with a medical degree before handing out medical advice to mothers who are venting about their MIL. And stop trying to scare people with CPS.
Edited by Adaline'sMama - 10/16/11 at 4:26pm
post #27 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post

Jenrose had a baby that was 24 pounds at 6 mo, 26 at a year, and 27 at almost 2 years. This is not how a child is supposed to grow. Doctors can step in if a child makes drops on the percentile chart or doesn't gain enough if the child didn't have a medical condition to explain the reason for the lack of weight gain. They would make the parents do things to make the child gain weight, hospitalize the child, or take the child away and put the child in foster care. Jenrose's child would be considered failure to thrive (FTT) because he fell more than 2 major percentile points on the standard growth charts. If you have a baby that is at the 95th percentile doctors expect the baby to stay around the 95th percentile. Doctors and CPS could have taken over care of her child no matter what she thinks about breastfeeding.

 

 


Don't be ridiculous. She was growing in height that whole time, she just went from 99th percentile down, and was always eating to hunger, drinking to thirs, developing normally. LOTS of babies taper off dramatically in the second half of the first year, especially if they put on a ton during the first half. And while it took her almost a year to gain a pound... at the end of that year, she suddenly wanted to eat everything in sight, and put on 3 pounds in 3 weeks... and at THAT point her doctor was lecturing me about her being "obese"... but then she sprouted up a couple inches a few weeks after that. I never, ever worried about her weight because she was eating regularly, had access to food and nursing whenever she wanted it, and was developmentally precocious. She knew the alphabet by 23 months, was potty trained, and counting to 10. That's NOT a kid failing to thrive. Anyone could LOOK at her and know she was well hydrated, well nourished and healthy, if anything she ALWAYS looked "wider" than the other kids around her, because she developed such a solid bone and muscle structure in those first couple years. And she had regular doctor visits, and those doctors never ONCE implied she was anything but thriving. 

 

Growth is not always 'linear' and 'on chart'. This same daughter managed to not grow an inch for two years and only put on a pound or two in that time (again, with free access to as much food as she wanted) when she was 9-ish... and then one day when she was 11 she woke up and said "Mom, my feet are farther away. She'd grown an inch overnight, and put on 10 pounds in the next few months, then leveled off again for a while. That's just normal for her. Her growth was absolutely steady for her first 6 months, then slowed, (WHICH IS NORMAL) and then she wobbled her way up to an adult height of 5 foot 4 and 140 pounds, and is just fine that way. (And if you tell me the bmi is wrong there, I'll tell you LOOK at the kid, she's not even overweight, let alone fat.)

 

I've HAD a failure to thrive baby... my second child had a chromosome disorder that causes metabolic dysfunction, and we worked constantly to make sure she was getting enough until she started growing at a pace that was reasonable for her. We worked with her physician and early intervention and went to eating clinics and I made heroic efforts to feed a baby who was so lousy at sucking that she couldn't even have a bottle. At age six, she still isn't doing the things her sister was at age 2. And still doesn't grow very fast, but has plenty of padding, and while she's not close to the "regular" charts, she's actually 75th percentile both height and weight on the Down Syndrome charts. (She doesn't have Downs, but another chromosome disorder with a similar enough body type.) And even with FTT, we NEVER had CPS involved, nor did anyone ever even once imply we should. 

 

 

post #28 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post

Jenrose had a baby that was 24 pounds at 6 mo, 26 at a year, and 27 at almost 2 years. This is not how a child is supposed to grow. Doctors can step in if a child makes drops on the percentile chart or doesn't gain enough if the child didn't have a medical condition to explain the reason for the lack of weight gain. They would make the parents do things to make the child gain weight, hospitalize the child, or take the child away and put the child in foster care. Jenrose's child would be considered failure to thrive (FTT) because he fell more than 2 major percentile points on the standard growth charts. If you have a baby that is at the 95th percentile doctors expect the baby to stay around the 95th percentile. Doctors and CPS could have taken over care of her child no matter what she thinks about breastfeeding.

 


That's really odd, my daughter is growing almost exactly the same way and her pediatrician said she is perfect! She started out in the 99th percentile for weight and height and by 1 year old was in the 80th for height and 40th for weight and she's still about the same. She is now almost 2 years old and looks great, she's really smart and is constantly running and climbing.
post #29 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2M View Post


That's really odd, my daughter is growing almost exactly the same way and her pediatrician said she is perfect! She started out in the 99th percentile for weight and height and by 1 year old was in the 80th for height and 40th for weight and she's still about the same. She is now almost 2 years old and looks great, she's really smart and is constantly running and climbing.


My daughter was the same way, except she settled around the 25% for weight.  Her doctor just keeps an an eye on it and said to keep her on full fat everything. 

 

FIBJ, I have a friend who has 3 FTTkids and CPS does not just take them away.  You get refered to nutritionists, growth clinics and up your well baby checks.  Please stop freaking people out. 


Edited by Honey693 - 10/17/11 at 1:36pm
post #30 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post

I am a MIL. Mothers tend to think of babies as their baby. In the ideal situation a baby is born in a supportive web of relationships. The grandmother relationship should be very important for the child and the grandmother. That relationship doesn't have to involve the mother. If you can't agree with your MIL that's okay as long as she is good to your child.

 

Your son should say something to his mother about how it is rude to talk to you that way. She can think what she wants but she shouldn't say it to you and she shouldn't say it around the baby.

 

She may be concerned about your baby's weight. It sounds like you think it is fine for a 6 month old to weigh 25 pounds. My grandson just turned 3 and weighs 25 pounds. He is just within the low limits of normal weight for his age and height. I would be concerned if my grandchild weighed 25 pounds at 6 months. Besides being concerned about the child's health it is going to be hard to carry him now and as a toddler. Either you are going to be sore or he isn't going to get carried and end up being in strollers or not getting to go places.

 

Picking away at you with comments about your relationship with your baby isn't the way to do it. There can be a concern that a breastfed baby can weigh too much because the mother nurses when other mothering things could be done to calm the baby to a very abnormal extent. You can find it online and she may know about it. I don't think from what you describe this is an issue for you and your son.

 

 

 


You know why?  B/c the child a mother birthed is her child.  theirs and their partners.  Not their mom's child, not their MiL's child.  THEIRS!

 


Edited by Honey693 - 10/17/11 at 2:15pm
post #31 of 41

My first weighed 20lbs at 6 months and 25lbs at 9 months.  At 2 years old, she weighed 27lbs.  It's normal for children to chunk up and then slim down and grow a lot in height!  As long as everything else is okay (milestones, eating) there is no need.  My second weighed 18lbs at a year, 22lbs at 2 and 25lbs at 3.  He is decidedly not "normal."  He has severe speech delay, gluten and dairy intolerance (discovered at 4 years of age), chronic diarrhea.  My MIL kept trying to tell me "all is okay" when it was not. 

post #32 of 41

My ds was 25 lbs at six months. He had the most delicious chubby thighs, it was adorable! Now, at nine years old, he's in the 93% for height, but only low 70's% for weight (he's kind of a string bean. Not surprising, since he takes after me, and my father, who is 6'1" and maybe weighs 160, and that's a big maybe, lol). No doctor ever told me there was anything wrong with my son's growth. Babies grow out first, so that they have extra padding for when they grow UP. :)

post #33 of 41


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenrose View Post

Don't be ridiculous. She was growing in height that whole time, she just went from 99th percentile down, and was always eating to hunger, drinking to thirs, developing normally. LOTS of babies taper off dramatically in the second half of the first year, especially if they put on a ton during the first half. And while it took her almost a year to gain a pound... at the end of that year, she suddenly wanted to eat everything in sight, and put on 3 pounds in 3 weeks... and at THAT point her doctor was lecturing me about her being "obese"... but then she sprouted up a couple inches a few weeks after that. I never, ever worried about her weight because she was eating regularly, had access to food and nursing whenever she wanted it, and was developmentally precocious. She knew the alphabet by 23 months, was potty trained, and counting to 10. That's NOT a kid failing to thrive. Anyone could LOOK at her and know she was well hydrated, well nourished and healthy, if anything she ALWAYS looked "wider" than the other kids around her, because she developed such a solid bone and muscle structure in those first couple years. And she had regular doctor visits, and those doctors never ONCE implied she was anything but thriving. 

 

Growth is not always 'linear' and 'on chart'. This same daughter managed to not grow an inch for two years and only put on a pound or two in that time (again, with free access to as much food as she wanted) when she was 9-ish... and then one day when she was 11 she woke up and said "Mom, my feet are farther away. She'd grown an inch overnight, and put on 10 pounds in the next few months, then leveled off again for a while. That's just normal for her. Her growth was absolutely steady for her first 6 months, then slowed, (WHICH IS NORMAL) and then she wobbled her way up to an adult height of 5 foot 4 and 140 pounds, and is just fine that way. (And if you tell me the bmi is wrong there, I'll tell you LOOK at the kid, she's not even overweight, let alone fat.)

 

I've HAD a failure to thrive baby... my second child had a chromosome disorder that causes metabolic dysfunction, and we worked constantly to make sure she was getting enough until she started growing at a pace that was reasonable for her. We worked with her physician and early intervention and went to eating clinics and I made heroic efforts to feed a baby who was so lousy at sucking that she couldn't even have a bottle. At age six, she still isn't doing the things her sister was at age 2. And still doesn't grow very fast, but has plenty of padding, and while she's not close to the "regular" charts, she's actually 75th percentile both height and weight on the Down Syndrome charts. (She doesn't have Downs, but another chromosome disorder with a similar enough body type.) And even with FTT, we NEVER had CPS involved, nor did anyone ever even once imply we should. 

 

 

Exactly. Totally ridiculous and such b.s. My babies were off the chart for weight as babies. Eventually they fell. Now they are at and below the 50th percentile. I would hope they would not stay off the charts for weight forever.
 

FIBJ, you are clearly uninformed on breastfed infant and toddler growth.

 

post #34 of 41


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post

Jenrose had a baby that was 24 pounds at 6 mo, 26 at a year, and 27 at almost 2 years. This is not how a child is supposed to grow. Doctors can step in if a child makes drops on the percentile chart or doesn't gain enough if the child didn't have a medical condition to explain the reason for the lack of weight gain. They would make the parents do things to make the child gain weight, hospitalize the child, or take the child away and put the child in foster care. Jenrose's child would be considered failure to thrive (FTT) because he fell more than 2 major percentile points on the standard growth charts. If you have a baby that is at the 95th percentile doctors expect the baby to stay around the 95th percentile. Doctors and CPS could have taken over care of her child no matter what she thinks about breastfeeding.

 

 

I know this has been addressed already, but I'll chime in with more reassurance.

 

The above comment is wrong, wrong, wrong.

 

My kids are in the 95th-99th percentile for height and weight when they're born.  But I'm 5'0.  shrug.gif They darn well don't stay at the top of the growth curve after the first six months.

 

lol.gif  Our pediatrician is not concerned and there is no worry about FTT, much less CPS.
 

 

post #35 of 41

My sons were FTT (below even the preemie charts) at 1 month old, and one is now 98th percentile for weight (at 11months).  My  daughter was 90th+ percentile for weight and is now more like 50th.  CPS was never even a consideration, I promise you!  Of course my ped was concerned with the FTT (as is her job) but we discussed options and did what we needed to to get the boys fed.   Now they are huge, but they have hardly any chub on them at all.  They are not fat babies in the slightest - they're tall, broad, sturdy little boys.  I doubt they will stay so close to the top of the charts though, they've just gotten really active in the last couple of months as their motor skills caught up (they were preemies and had some delays) and I expect things will taper off.  They are hard to carry, especially with two of them, but that's life.  I've gotten very strong, and also, yes they ride in the stroller more than their (singleton) sister did.  Life is almost never ideal! 

post #36 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post

I am a MIL. Mothers tend to think of babies as their baby. In the ideal situation a baby is born in a supportive web of relationships. The grandmother relationship should be very important for the child and the grandmother. That relationship doesn't have to involve the mother. If you can't agree with your MIL that's okay as long as she is good to your child.

 

Your son should say something to his mother about how it is rude to talk to you that way. She can think what she wants but she shouldn't say it to you and she shouldn't say it around the baby.

 

She may be concerned about your baby's weight. It sounds like you think it is fine for a 6 month old to weigh 25 pounds. My grandson just turned 3 and weighs 25 pounds. He is just within the low limits of normal weight for his age and height. I would be concerned if my grandchild weighed 25 pounds at 6 months. Besides being concerned about the child's health it is going to be hard to carry him now and as a toddler. Either you are going to be sore or he isn't going to get carried and end up being in strollers or not getting to go places.

 

Picking away at you with comments about your relationship with your baby isn't the way to do it. There can be a concern that a breastfed baby can weigh too much because the mother nurses when other mothering things could be done to calm the baby to a very abnormal extent. You can find it online and she may know about it. I don't think from what you describe this is an issue for you and your son.

 

 

 


FIrst you say that grandma should butt out.  Then you say you'd get on your DIL's case if your grandson weighed that much.

 

For the record, it *is* fine for a 6 month old to weight 25 pounds.   Many breastfed babies gain fast and chunk up, and 6 months is right around the chunkiest age, before they get mobile and start thinning out again.  

 

OP:  I could post my DD's growth chart and some pictures to show you you don't need to worry about your 6 month old weighing 25 pounds.  My DD was born at 10 pounds, doubled her birthweight by 4 months, and was 25 pounds at 6 months, 28 (I think) at a year.   And then ... she stretched.   And stretched.   She's always been a big, tall kid, but at 8, she's got these long, strong, lean, legs and is in no way unhealthy or "obese" or whatever the apparent terror that a 25-pound 6 month old invokes. 

 

Yes, she was hard to carry.  Yes, she did not get carried or worn as much as a smaller kid might have.   But was I supposed to starve her so that I could babywear her more?   She had her growth curve, and she nursed as much as she needed to nurse.  And by the way, I practiced one-side-at-a-feed nursing, so it wasn't some kind of "getting full of sugary foremilk" issue.

 

 

Everyone has an opinion when your baby weighs more than average, let me tell you -- don't let it get to you!!!

 

post #37 of 41
I just have a quick question for the more seasoned mamas. When did your baby finally start understanding that you would always respond to him/her? My ds is about 6 weeks and I still don't think he knows I will take care if him, he still goes from zero to screaming in half a second, but to be fair, I don't think I have a very good handle on what it is he is screaming for most of the time., I guess I just thought AP would be more intuitive and now I wonder of I'm doing something wrong? Never felt pain like when he.screamed bloody murder lsat night before his bath (which he usually loves) and clung to my neck with a death grip...I just want him to know he's safe greensad.gif
post #38 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama2ChicknLil View Post

I just have a quick question for the more seasoned mamas. When did your baby finally start understanding that you would always respond to him/her? My ds is about 6 weeks and I still don't think he knows I will take care if him, he still goes from zero to screaming in half a second, but to be fair, I don't think I have a very good handle on what it is he is screaming for most of the time., I guess I just thought AP would be more intuitive and now I wonder of I'm doing something wrong? Never felt pain like when he.screamed bloody murder lsat night before his bath (which he usually loves) and clung to my neck with a death grip...I just want him to know he's safe greensad.gif


I think a lot of that depends on the individual child.  It doesn't mean that you're doing anything wrong.  hug2.gif

post #39 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post


She may be concerned about your baby's weight. It sounds like you think it is fine for a 6 month old to weigh 25 pounds. My grandson just turned 3 and weighs 25 pounds. He is just within the low limits of normal weight for his age and height. I would be concerned if my grandchild weighed 25 pounds at 6 months. Besides being concerned about the child's health it is going to be hard to carry him now and as a toddler. Either you are going to be sore or he isn't going to get carried and end up being in strollers or not getting to go places.

 

\

 

 

My son was around 25 pounds at this age and yes it was in the higher percentile but he is now 6 and is well within the normal weight range for his age and height.  Before you know it this baby will be all over the place and won't want to stop and eat as much and his weight will probably level off.  Don't worry about what other people think and remember that he is YOUR baby.  


 

post #40 of 41

My 8mo "gets her way all the time"...If she's telling me she wants to nurse, and by extension that not nursing will make her unhappy, why the heck wouldn't I let her get her way? Thankfully my MIL, while not a BF'er herself has been pretty supportive, the only comment she made was about it being silly to BF in a car (DD was super cranky as it was about 2hours after she normally is in bed for the night and I was in the back seat with her leaned over her carseat with my shirt pulled up so she could nurse on the way home) My only response was that I could feed her or we could spend the rest of the 30 min ride listening to her scream, which did she prefer.... needless to say no more comments were made. lol.

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