Dealing with stress « Back to Group Discussions

[willsmomm]

I am feeling really bad about the amount of stress my baby is being exposed to right now. The last couple months have been nonstop car issues, kid issues, dealing with a severe dog bite my husband got (you would not believe all of the areas of our life that have benn affected by this one- something new comes up every day), financial issues, general business, planning for the special needs of this baby (meeting with surgeons and planning for feeding issues), and now my two school-aged kids both having a lot of trouble containing their bodies at school. I have cried all day the last few days and new things have hit and hit and hit us and especially yesterday when one of my kids got his last detention before a suspension (he's only 7!) and my kids basically got kicked off the school bus and we received an angry letter from our insurance about why have we not sued our neighbors (dog owners) because now they have to do it. I'm hysterical and really can't get a handle on my emotions and I know my baby's feeling it.

Any thoughts on how I can manage my feelings better in the midst of all the chaos? I am open to any (close to free) suggestions! Thanks!

[jbk21]

Oh man.  You really have a lot going on!  I'm so sorry this is such a hard time for you.  I completely understand your feelings.  I read a lot about how mother's stress hormones get to the baby and how it affects them, so I am glad you are trying to find a solution.  That being said, though, during this time in my last pregnancy my dad was near death.  It was a very stressful, very emotional time for me, obviously.  We had to drive 3 hours to see him, which we did weekly while also trying to get ready for the baby.  He was sedated and we were called in to have an emergency planning meeting to decide whether or not to pull the life support.  I was the main decision maker because I am his eldest child and he is unmarried.  It was so stressful, and to add to all that we had a rough relationship prior to his illness so I thought he was going to die thinking I hated him.  It was very emotional.  I was definitely worried about how it was affecting the baby.  My midwife tried to reassure me but I knew from things I'd read from various neuroscientists that my concerns were valid.  I tried to be good to myself and relax as much as possible, talk it out with friends, and lean on my husband for support.  I think talking, talking, talking with friends about it helped me the most.

After all of that (my dad didn't pass away at that time- he just passed this last January) my son is wonderful, sensitive, sweet, joyful, and mild-tempered.  I thought he'd be high-strung or something from having had a stressful pregnancy, but he's always been an easygoing, cheerful kid.  

So, try to relax for sure, both for baby and for your own health and well-being (you don't need to add high BP to the list of worries!), but also try not to worry TOO much about how it is affecting baby.  Yes, s/he is being exposed to stress hormones.  But babies are resilient and I'm sure everything will be fine!  Who has a super zen pregnancy these days, anyway, right?  Not to downplay anything you're experiencing, but many women have lots of stress in their lives during pregnancy.  Just take it a day at a time and know that everything is absolutely going to work out.  You're in the thick of it now so it may seem like you'll never dig out, but you will!  

[KayPea]

One thing I'm trying not to do in my stressful situation is NOT stress about how much stress I am exposing the baby to. Sounds difficult, but this at least is something I can control. 

And yes, I too am crying every day (all day at least 2-3 times a week) and affecting the behaviour of my daughter, who is only 2.5, poor thing. I won't go into our reasons here, but we are having housing issues and financial problems and we have a lack of support because we don't live in the same part of the country as any of our family. I am also sick with a cold that is just draining me, and while that is minor, having just moved 10 days ago, it means I haven't any energy for unpacking. 

It is somewhat of a blessing to be sick right now, because my body really is forcing me to slow down. I nap a lot, I rest after DD goes to bed even though there are boxes everywhere, and dirt galore. I have to. I take it really easy and am just focusing on the most important things right now - nutrition for myself and my daughter, working with DH to solve our housing issues, taking time to do things that relax me, like knitting. And that's it. I don't have the energy or money to make it out to massage appointments etc, but if I did I would probably be doing this too. We are also relying on what little support we have to spend time with DD, and give us time to do what we need to do (and one time this was honestly just take a shower and do the laundry, oh well). 

I'm afraid I'm much more in need of advice than capable of giving it in this situation, but I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone, and that any situation is made 100 times more difficult by our late-pregnancy hormones. Heck, last pregnancy I was crying at TV commercials, so it's no wonder I am freaking out right now. 

I know that for me, part of the stress is feeling like an emotional burden on my friends when I try and talk about it, so feel free to PM me if you need to vent, or post here or whatever. I know talking about it can help a lot, and we're here to be sympathetic ears. 

Hugs. 

[jasmin85]

My life has been very stressful lately as well and worrying about what it may be doing to the baby definitely does not help one relax!  I went to a naturopath and began receiving B12 shots, I have some B12 drops to take and Omega and DHA fish oils as well.  I have to say that it does seem to help--my appetite is back and my energy levels are better which is helping me do the day-to-day tasks.  There are many homeopathic remedies for stress including Rescue Remedy and also some by Wish Garden (and I'm sure others) specifically for mothers during and after pregnancy.  Otherwise, making sure you take a little time for yourself to listen to music, go for a walk, take a bath with candlelight, etc. can do wonders as well. 

Hang in there, mama!