I'm a little confused...so was there a referral to CPS and was he taken from his biological parents' home or did they choose to make an adoption plan? Were the paternal grandparents the prospective adoptive parents that changed their mind?
It is pretty unusual for parents to make an adoption plan for an eight year old without there having been a history with social services. If that is the case, and he is "in the system" even in a current kinship placement that is supervised by the county or state, you should be able to request a home study be done by them (or rather they'd ask your county or state to do it) for free.
I see it looks like you have three other children and two are younger than him. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but here are some things I would consider both as a social worker who has worked in adoption and as someone who intends to adopt.... First, placing a child in a home with younger children creates a dynamic that I have seen cause issues again and again. Parents instinctively feel the need to protect the younger children in the home. 8 year olds who have been in kinship, adoptive, or foster placements have undoubtedly experienced a great deal of grief and loss, even if there has been no abuse. This can frequently manifest in an attachment disorder (I'd suggest you google Reactive Attachment Disorder and really educate yourself. Even if a child does not have RAD, they will almost always have significant attachment issues). Behavioral issues are pretty much the norm, with few exceptions, and parents I've worked with with younger children often find themselves feeling extremely resentful of the older child when they feel they must protect their younger children. Another huge issue is that a huge number of children in foster and kinship care have been sexually abused either in the biological home, or in subsequent placements. This often means that younger children in the home are not safe, as the older child may seek to act out sexually with the younger ones. I have seen children as young as four and five attempt to engage younger children or peers in all sorts of sexual behaviors. Why is this child in special education? Are there learning disabilities or emotional and behavioral issues going on? How well do you know him?
Adopting an 8 year old is a really big deal. I can promise you that if your home is the third home he has lived in (maybe more?), he is going to have some serious baggage. You will likely not know the extent of the impact everything has had on him until he has lived with you for several months. Nearly all children will have a honeymoon period during visits and early in the placements where behavior is great, etc. It is not uncommon for the social workers or previous placements not to share with you the extent of a child's issues, either because they truly don't know, or because they desperately want that child to have a forever family.
I am not trying to discourage you, really. I just wanted to give you some things to consider before you jump into this. Parenting this child will probably be 10 times the work that parenting your biological children has been. Are you willing and able to take him to therapy on a regular basis? How will you handle it if he tries to hurt your younger children? Do you have the capacity to provide 24/7 supervision to be certain your younger children will not become victims? What will the emotional impact be on your family as a whole? There is a lot to consider. Good luck in whatever you choose.
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