I think you're right, Sandy- if I just made the decision, firmly, I'd feel a lot better about it. I keep saying, "I'm almost definitely sure we're not going to find out... probably" and then I have to think about it even more. As far as my husband knows, we're not finding out. I talked it over with him weeks ago and he reluctantly agreed not to find out, and as far as he knows it's a closed subject. It's just in MY head that all this is going on!
I really don't want to find out. Curiosity won't kill me... heck, if I can make it to 20 weeks without knowing, what's another 20 weeks, right?!
Wondering what i should tell my family. They won't take it well (they're weird like that). Considering saying baby just didn't cooperate...? It will avoid a lot of the "but WHY NOT!?!?" discussions that I totally don't have the energy for. I have enough decisions to justify as it is (you're doing ANOTHER home birth!?! You're going to have your KIDS THERE?!?!)