Help! I have to go back to work and DS will not sleep w/out me

[Partaria]

Next week I'm going back to work part-time to start (full time later).

I'll be out of the house from 2-7 everyday. During that time, DS (4 months) usually wants for a long snooze. He's not on a strict schedule, he just naturally seems to get tired in that window and needs to nap. If he doesn't, he's difficult to put down for the night, and he nurses and fusses most of the night.

Here's the problem. DH will be with DS during that time. Which is awesome. Except that DS won't nap with anyone but me. Usually for a nap, I nurse him and he drifts off, and sleeps on my lap for a couple hours. Or, I bounce on the yoga ball with with him, he drifts off, then he sleeps on me. He will typically root a couple times during his nap. I offer him my breast and he drifts back into that deep sleep state.

For sleeping at nighttime, we bedshare, and I nurse him down to sleep, side-lying.

I know, I know. I've created this problem by not helping my kiddo learn that sleep can come from sources other than my boob. *sigh...

But now that I'm here, what can I do? My DH has tried everything- wearing my son in a carrier, bouncing on the yoga ball, giving him a bottle. Nothing seems to work. He can maybe get DS down for about 15-20 minutes if he's lucky? But even then, the nap is way way too short and DS wakes up crying because he needs to sleep and can't. DH has tried to slip him a pacifier, and my son wrinkles his face like he just got fed poison, spits it out, and wakes up furious.

What other tactics have non-boobed partners tried to helped their kiddos sleep? Any suggestions would be oh so welcome. DH is at the end of his rope, starting to feel like he's not a good enough parent because he can't get our son to sleep.

[Super~Single~Mama]

When your DH has tried in the past to get kiddo to sleep, were YOU in the house?  I've found that babies will sleep with a different caregiver when the main caregiver is NOT home - but if you're home, well, kiddo's are super smart and they know you're home, so why settle for something other than the boob?

Something my mom used to do was put ds in the Ergo, and take him for a walk with a bottle, feed him the bottle while he was sleepy in the carrier, and then he would nap for a long time.  She would also lay down with him and nap with him sometimes.

Basically, have faith that with practice, your DH and baby will figure it out, and as long as your DH is patient and loving it will work out just fine.

[Partaria]

Ah, good question! I've been out of the house when this has occurred. I agree...when I'm home nothing between them is going to work out because, as you say, DS is thinking- why settle? She's RIGHT THERE. :)

I like the suggestion you offered that has worked for you mother. Maybe DS would take to having the bottle slipped into his mouth when he's rooting for that nipple? He hates the paci, but maybe something with just a little of mom's milk would settle him.

[LilMomma83]

I was going to suggest they try when you are out of the house too ;-) Babies are super smart!

I worked 2-10pm when DS1 was an infant (I went back at 3mos) and DH had to put him to bed every night...it may have taken a couple days for them to get used to it but eventually it worked well (though DS1 continued to want ME to put him asleep any night I was home and still does at 4yo lol)

I think in the end my hubby mimicked my routine pretty closely (as much as he could without boobs haha), laid with him skin to skin and fed him a bottle. Other baby-sitters my kids have had have rocked them, worn them, pushed them in the stroller...I'm confident your baby and hubby will find some sort of routine that works for them :-)

[tccandlsccmom]

I too thought that sleep would come without me over time, after they got in a pattern...but what my now-ex found is that the only thing that worked was driving the kids around.  We burned a lot of gas when when were super-little :) ....  Interestingly, both kids had NO problem sleeping at daycare when they went.  Just at home, when I was not there to provide fresh milk 

[porcelina]

Don't worry, I know it will be hard, and there may be some rough days, but they will work it out! Your son will learn to sleep with DH! Yes, the carrier is a great option! This worked well for my DH as well. As far as the rooting and nursing back to sleep, well, he might actually sleep longer if he's not falling asleep on the boob (or not...), or, he might just start a new routine. Keep in mind he is only 4 months, and is still very adaptable. His sleep habits in 1 month will probably be quite different. By 6, he might even start getting into a routine! Don't worry! Just make sure your DH has some ideas about what to try (carrier, bouncing on ball, walking, rocking, shushing, etc.). Give him a catalog of what has worked in the past. Then, let him go at it! They will get it down eventually. It might be hard at first, and his night sleep might change a bit, but it will all work out.