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Mothering › Groups › May 2011 Birth Club › Discussions › Oh my do I need some help...

Oh my do I need some help...

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

Next week I'm going back to work part-time to start (full time later).

 

I'll be out of the house from 2-7 everyday. During that time, DS (4 months) usually wants for a long snooze. He's not on a strict schedule, he just naturally seems to get tired in that window and needs to nap. If he doesn't, he's difficult to put down for the night, and he nurses and fusses most of the night.

 

Here's the problem. DH will be with DS during that time. Which is awesome. Except that DS won't nap with anyone but me. Usually for a nap, I nurse him and he drifts off, and sleeps on my lap for a couple hours. Or, I bounce on the yoga ball with with him, he drifts off, then he sleeps on me. He will typically root a couple times during his nap. I offer him my breast and he drifts back into that deep sleep state.

 

For sleeping at nighttime, we bedshare, and I nurse him down to sleep, side-lying.

 

I know, I know. I've created this problem by not helping my kiddo learn that sleep can come from sources other than my boob. *sigh...

 

But now that I'm here, what can I do? My DH has tried everything- wearing my son in a carrier, bouncing on the yoga ball, giving him a bottle. Nothing seems to work. He can maybe get DS down for about 15-20 minutes if he's lucky? But even then, the nap is way way too short and DS wakes up crying because he needs to sleep and can't. DH has tried to slip him a pacifier, and my son wrinkles his face like he just got fed poison, spits it out, and wakes up furious.

 

What other tactics have non-boobed partners tried to helped their kiddos sleep? Any suggestions would be oh so welcome. DH is at the end of his rope, starting to feel like he's not a good enough parent because he can't get our son to sleep. My heart is breaking for him and DS, and I want so much to help them find a solution!

post #2 of 4

oh, so sorry mama (for you and dh).  i really don't have any suggestions, but no use beating yourself up by saying you "created this problem".  it is what it is and just think you and ds have had an amazing 4+ months together where this was your routine. 

 

it might be a rough couple days (or weeks) for dh and baby, but they'll get into a routine as well (because they need to). 

 

when you say dh is able to get ds down for 15-20 minutes do you mean he's putting him down alone?  if so, maybe that's what ds doesn't like (since he's used to having a napping partner).  could he let ds sleep on him for a bit and then put him down?  it took my little guy a while to be ok napping solo.  for a while i was happy to have him sleep on me all the time, but honestly i just finally had to have one of his naps (usually his longer late-morning, early afternoon one) be one where he could do it alone and i could have a little time for me and my 4-year-old.

 

my dh usually puts ds down at night (because it's the one time he can).  he usually rocks him and sings to him until he's really out and then carries him off to bed (until we join him).  dh did the same thing with dd.  it worked like a charm with both of them. 

 

i know you and dh will find something that works (think of how much you've figured out so far). :)

 

 

post #3 of 4
Thread Starter 

Thank you so much for the kind words.

 

DH does try to nap with DS. I agree- trying to get him to nap alone would be too much at this point. He needs a nap partner, like he's used to. We'll see. I guess they'll have to figure it out.

 

I guess I just blame myself for creating this problem because that's always the message from family. It's always- "you're baby is high needs because you respond to all his needs." Or "your baby doesn't like the car because you don't force him to go for long drives and cry it out." Stuff like that.

post #4 of 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Partaria View Post

I guess I just blame myself for creating this problem because that's always the message from family. It's always- "you're baby is high needs because you respond to all his needs." Or "your baby doesn't like the car because you don't force him to go for long drives and cry it out." Stuff like that.


ugh, that's rough.  ignore what everyone else is saying and trust your gut -- mama knows best. :)

 

overall, our friends/family are/were supportive of the choices dh and i have made, but there have been comments about certain things over the years.  keep in mind that the comments have more to do with and very little to do with you.

 

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