STBX telling four year old she will live with him and go to a foreign country!

[chimomma]

I have been separated from my husband for nearly a year, but we are still legally married. We plan to start the divorce process in the coming month. He was abusive to me and since separation has been threatening trying to take full custody as well as a number of other ploys to try to cause me stress.

Last night my for year old daughter related her father telling her they could would live together for the second time and this time she said he told her they were going back to his home country together! Of course he has not at all discussed this with me and there is no way I would allow it, he knows that. I don't think it is anything the daughter made up because she was using the same phrases he uses with her.

So what are my rights and best practices for this situation?? I have my daughter's passport, my son doesn't have one. But I wouldn't put it past him to try getting a new passport for them both even if that meant forging my signature or what not. I know I can have the passports held by a judge which I might do, but then would I need his permission to get them back??

Since we are still legal married, there s no court order, could I insist on supervised visitation until we have a legal order, would that help or hurt my case with the court? I am almost considering pursuing a prosecution for domestic violence against him (he beat me in front of the kids last year) in part to show him some consequences of his actions, and in part so that if his behavior gets scarier I could inform immigration in hopes his green card would be revoked. I don't know if that is the right thing to do, but if I think he is definitely going to harm or abduct my children the option is on the table. Does any one have experience with that sort of thing?

Oh man, I would love it if my life stopped feeling like an action drama!

[tccandlsccmom]

Sounds SO hard!  You have a lot of questions whose answers are going to depend on state law...have you consulted with an attorney about this?

Meantime, 

[Mom31]

I would call an atty asap. Hugs mama.

[kindchen]

Just to ease your mind about the passports---your husband would have to have a notarized consent form from you in order to get passports for your children without having you physically present. 

[Mom31]

That's great relief I hope to you.

[chimomma]

Thanks for the replies. Yes, I do remember something about having to have both parents present to get a passport, unless you could explain why they were not. Hopefully I will be safe in that arena. As much as a I hoping to file an uncontested divorce through a mediator out of court, I have it in my mind that might not be possible. So we are supposed to meet to work out an agreement this week, we'll see how that goes. I was hoping to avoid the court and lawyer thing but there is only so much you can negotiate with some one who is not cooperative. This just sucks because all I want to do is move on but first I have to deal with a never ending snowball of stress and drama from him. I am sure you have all been there. Please tell me it gets better.

My daughter is always coming home talking about lies he is telling her and bad things he says about me. Not sure how to deal with it. So far I have been just saying the he says things that are not true something because he is mad at me and that is part of the reason we don't live together anymore. I am sure it is so confusing for her to listen to him talk like that.