When does it get better?

[snazzy_mom]

I'm struggling. I know part of it is depression but it just doesn't stop. Im at my wits end. I know a lot people say that, but that's where I am. Every day is harder and harder to get through, much less with a smile on my face.

I love my children. I just don't get life, I guess. I see all these people with happy families, they like their jobs, they have lives. I don't. It's me and my 3 boys. My oldest, while as sweet and kind as he can be, will do anything without thinking.  Just last week, he got caught selling pot at school. Now, we were lucky in the fact that the school didn't press charges. When I asked him why he was doing it? He wanted money, he didn't want to have to ask me for it because I never have it. What do you say to that when you know how hard it is to come by? I try to install a sense of right and wrong in my kids, and while what he was doing was horrible, how do you condemn the action when it comes from seeing me work 50-60 hours a week and seemingly never having anything?

My 4 and 3 year olds, a constant struggle with everything, and each other. The simple things, like potty training, meal and bath times, are hard to get through. And I have to share custody of them with their dad, who has a new life, new job, new woman, etc.  Meanwhile, I'm living with my parents and have nothing. 

My health is suffering. I suffer from migraines. I have some weird genetic auto-immune thing where my body doesn't' digest b-12. Took my doctors over 5 years to figure that out, so I have neuropathy that has required meds upon meds.  I take my Zoloft religiously.

Everyone says "it'll get better" or "things will work out", but they're not and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm sorry, I just don't have anyone in my life that understands and I just had to get it out. :(

[sren]

Didn't want to read without posting.  (((Hugs))) to you, mama. 

[mami2f3]

Oh, it is hard. It really is. You have two littles that are at such a tough age in one way and an older who is at a tough age in another and you are trying to carry it all. I don't know when it gets better. I sure don't feel like it is or will most of the time. But my girlfriend reminds me that when the younguns get to school age, that helps a lot. I wish I knew what to say. I know the mommas here are great with support. I for sure have similar feelings. One tiny thing that I hold onto is that whatever it is I am doing, it would be even harder to get through if my stbx were here. Another is how much I adore my kids. But I'm not saying that makes any day easy and I feel like I am constantly struggling. You are not alone, but not sure if that helps. 

[tccandlsccmom]

I wish I had magic fairy dust to throw your way.  Come back for virtual hugs whenever you need them...sound hard!  And try, when you can, to love on the kiddos...

[Mom31]

Hugs mama.  That is so hard. Maybe you could go see a specialist to help with your meds, zoloft alone was not enough for me. It took me years to admit I needed more help and more medication but it has made a huge difference in my life.