I'm struggling. I know part of it is depression but it just doesn't stop. Im at my wits end. I know a lot people say that, but that's where I am. Every day is harder and harder to get through, much less with a smile on my face.
I love my children. I just don't get life, I guess. I see all these people with happy families, they like their jobs, they have lives. I don't. It's me and my 3 boys. My oldest, while as sweet and kind as he can be, will do anything without thinking. Just last week, he got caught selling pot at school. Now, we were lucky in the fact that the school didn't press charges. When I asked him why he was doing it? He wanted money, he didn't want to have to ask me for it because I never have it. What do you say to that when you know how hard it is to come by? I try to install a sense of right and wrong in my kids, and while what he was doing was horrible, how do you condemn the action when it comes from seeing me work 50-60 hours a week and seemingly never having anything?
My 4 and 3 year olds, a constant struggle with everything, and each other. The simple things, like potty training, meal and bath times, are hard to get through. And I have to share custody of them with their dad, who has a new life, new job, new woman, etc. Meanwhile, I'm living with my parents and have nothing.
My health is suffering. I suffer from migraines. I have some weird genetic auto-immune thing where my body doesn't' digest b-12. Took my doctors over 5 years to figure that out, so I have neuropathy that has required meds upon meds. I take my Zoloft religiously.
Everyone says "it'll get better" or "things will work out", but they're not and I just don't know what to do anymore.
I'm sorry, I just don't have anyone in my life that understands and I just had to get it out. :(