Is anyone pregnant with a baby they had a hard time conceiving? « Back to Group Discussions

[callieollie]

I know we have a lot of different circumstances here - unplanned pregnancies, planned ones that happened right away, and I was wondering if anyone tried awhile for this baby.  

I have 2 kiddos at home, ages 3 and 5. They were both conceived easily the first month trying.  When we tried for our third, we expected it to be as easy.  We ended up conceiving the second cycle (In February 2010) but miscarried at around 6 weeks.  It then took us another 9 months ttc (which was a lifetime for us and such a difficult time) and got pregnant in November 2010 (ironically right around when the first baby would have been due).  We miscarried again at around 8 weeks.  We were devastated.  I have worried I'd never get pregnant again and/or never be able to carry another child to term.  No tests have told us anything (other than low progesterone and I'm doing injections for that now).  We conceived this baby in August (again, ironically the month the second baby would have been due).  I can't tell you how relieved we'll be if/when we get to meet this baby in May.  It has been a very long time coming. After conceiving two babies the first month, I never would have imagined ttc for almost 2 years.  

Anyone else with a rainbow baby or pregnant with a baby after infertility?  

[TandN]

Callie, I'm so sorry for the long, rough road you've been on to get to this point!! It must be so hard to trust your body and breathe into this pregnancy.

Our first pregnancy was unplanned, but I had had irregular periods for years. After we lost our daughter at birth, we knew we wanted to try again right away. Unfortunately, my body did not cooperate. After 6 months of trying, I went to my OB and we discovered I wasn't ovulating. I reluctantly agreed to try Femara; our desperation to get pregnant took front seat. After two cycles of trying with that, we conceived. I truly believe the time in between pregnancies has helped me to heal and prepare for this, but it was an excruciating 9 months of ttc.

I hope you can find the support you need through this pregnancy. I have an amazing therapist who is helping me to script progressive relaxation exercises with affirmations that get to the root of my fears surrounding being pregnant again.

Thanks for starting this thread, Callie! I'm interested to hear from others. It's certainly a different feeling when you've tried hard to conceive.

[DragonflySky]

My DH and I have been married 4 years and have been trying for 3 years. I had a miscarriage one year ago this month.  Everything checks out normal for both my husband and I (I ovulate and he has great sperm).  Doctor's tell me that my retroverted uterus shouldn't cause infertility...but I have this sneaking suspicion it's not helping matters.  Age might be a factor for me (I'm 37).  I know exactly how you feel about dreaming ahead to meet this baby in May. I have been worrying about every little ache or pain, but I just keep telling myself that I have to enjoy this moment in time.  To put things in perspective for me, my doctor told me that a normal couple (not suffering from infertility) has only a 20% chance of conceiving each month of trying. That is obviously a generalized statistic - but it made me feel a little better about the time it took my husband and I (I think the doctor said we had a 5% chance each month of trying because of infertility). 

[layne]

I tried for 5 years with my ex, finally left him (for many reasons, none having to do with infertility), got used to single motherhood and the idea of being through with babies, moved in with current partner, and got pregnant 4 months later by surprise.

I am also very very scared of losing a baby I had despaired of having.   It's terrible timing for a new baby, but somehow that makes it seem that much more precious.  Having been spotting for a couple of weeks right now, I am worrying around the clock these days. . .

[Kamiro]

While we were not actively ttc, we were not preventing either. Our youngest will be 5 when this baby is born. As someone in her late 20's, after youngest baby turned 3 I had started making some peace there would be no more. The month before the PPT, the dr told me I may be infertile or having PCOS symptoms...

I prayed. I just felt there was another for us.

The night I got pregnant, I felt it. It overcame me and I got tears in my eyes 2 minutes after dtd.  Ofcourse, I didnt really know it, and was shocked when I got the PHPT.

I had prayed, and regardless how this turns out - this baby is well loved & a blessing.

Callie - thank you for sharing your story & allowing me to share mine :)

[Pickleopolous]

Despite having PCOS, my first two children were conceived relatively easily.  My oldest was a complete surprise and with my youngest, we had a few cycles of help with ovulation.  My husband and I thought we would like another, but we didn't really have strong feelings about it as we were happy with the two we have.  Then I got pregnant on my own and miscarried.  We were devastated, so I knew we had to keep trying.  Since then we've had multiple chemical pregnancies and another early miscarriage.  This past summer, I had a hysteroscopy done where they found I had an infection in my uterus.  They treated that, and I conceived this one (with help ovulating) the next cycle.  I'm now eight weeks along, and we've seen the heart beating twice.  I think I am finally starting to relax into it and enjoy the fact that I am pregnant, but it's taken me a while to get here.  For example, I'm just NOW letting myself post here! 

[Kamiro]

Well warmest congratulations and a hearty welcome :) I'm glad you're here!

Originally Posted by Pickleopolous 

Despite having PCOS, my first two children were conceived relatively easily.  My oldest was a complete surprise and with my youngest, we had a few cycles of help with ovulation.  My husband and I thought we would like another, but we didn't really have strong feelings about it as we were happy with the two we have.  Then I got pregnant on my own and miscarried.  We were devastated, so I knew we had to keep trying.  Since then we've had multiple chemical pregnancies and another early miscarriage.  This past summer, I had a hysteroscopy done where they found I had an infection in my uterus.  They treated that, and I conceived this one (with help ovulating) the next cycle.  I'm now eight weeks along, and we've seen the heart beating twice.  I think I am finally starting to relax into it and enjoy the fact that I am pregnant, but it's taken me a while to get here.  For example, I'm just NOW letting myself post here! 

[Pickleopolous]

Thank you, and congratulations right back.  

[cristeen]

We spent 4 years of ART to conceive #1 and #2.  After DS came along, we decided no more ART, but no more BC either.  We were just gonna see what happened.  2 years later, here we are.  With PCOS and a "spirited" toddler, I didn't think it would have a chance to happen, but my body apparently needs certain levels of catharsis and stress relief before conception, since the last 2 times, that's when I conceived. 

[Masel]

We first started TTC 13 years ago when I was 28. I had no cycle and DH had a less than idea count. We went through phases of trying to find out what was wrong, planning to adopt and just doing nothing. Then we adopted our 5 year old. When she was about a year old I started having more regular cycles. After a while we decided to really try to conceive again and DD2 came along after a few IUI cycles. We weren't trying but weren't not trying either. This baby was a bit of a surprise. It's kind of funny that I could not conceive spontaneously at 28 but could at 40. 

[JynxGirl]

My daughter is 8 years old. I've been trying to get pregnant since she was about 1. Between her and now, I've been divorced, in a really crappy relationship and am now married to a wonderful man. I've had 8 miscarriages since my daughter was born, the most recent of which occurred in April. I am spending most of this pregnancy paranoid as all hell that something is going to go wrong. Every twinge or day where I'm not feeling sick is a freak out.

I spend most of my time dreaming about what it'll be like to hold a baby again. I do that every time I get pregnant, even though I tell myself not to do it, because it just breaks my heart when things end. It's hard though. We're hardwired to do exactly that.  

I think it gets easier to enjoy your pregnancy once you're out of the first trimester, or once you've heard the heartbeat (148 this Tuesday!!!!). We don't ever forget, but it gets easier.

[alittlesandy]

It took me two years to conceive my son, and this pregnancy took fifteen months. This pregnancy also follows two losses. I am now eleven weeks and have had multiple ultrasounds (for cramping and spotting, which ended up being fine). I am barely starting to breathe a little easier, but I think I will be much more relaxed after our nuchal translucency ultrasound next week. The funny thing is, I am so utterly in love with this unborn child, and so desperate for a living baby, that I don't care one tiny bit about the sex of the baby or it's birth. I just want a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby!

 

[callieollie]

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. I can definitely understand the fear after losses. With my dd and ds, we told people we were pregnantly immediately, all before 6 weeks.  Now I'm waiting until my 12 week appointment before we tell anyone. And I find myself saying things like, "if everything is OK then we'll..." or "hopefully we'll have a baby in May." It's hard for me to feel secure about it. I'm hoping that if I hear the heartbeat at the 12 week appointment, I''ll be able to feel a little better about everything.  

[LuNaLu]

We tried to get pregnant for 19 months before this baby finally came.  It took us 8 months for our first and 10 months for our second, so while we knew it wasn't likely to be quick, we didn't expect it to take quite this long.

I never know whether to count ours as actual infertility or not.  I never sought treatment because I feared the first thing I'd be told would be to wean.  I just couldn't bring myself to force-wean an existing child in hopes of conceiving a hypothetical one, so we just kept on trying.

[preggo1]

Wow. My wait fails in comparison. But it was our first ...so I was super anxious when it didn't happen right away. It took us 5 months. 

I'm so happy for all you mommas who finally got your little bean!! :) 

[Arianrhod]

It's so good to read about everybody else's journeys. I wish each of you the best as our wee ones continue to grow.

 

I got pregnant almost immediately with my first pregnancy, then had an awful drawn-out miscarriage after it ended at 7 weeks in June 2010. Since then there have been months of trying and not trying according not wanting to be in the first trimester with morning sickness and fear of another loss during a few critical times (numerous job interviews in January, moving across the country in July, etc). The funny thing was that even on months when we weren't trying, getting my period was ALWAYS disappointing and bordered on traumatic. After we moved, I had to actively try again for the sake of my emotional health and stop worrying about the timing interfering with things. I was so happy to get that positive test, I cried tears of joy. Now I go back and forth between feeling overwhelmingly in love with this baby and feeing more cautious about my optimism that things will turn out OK this time. Having a healthy ultrasound last week was a huge relief, but I think I'm not going to feel confident about this until after we get past the first trimester.

 

[callieollie]

For those of you pregnant after a loss, I found this online and have been reading it regularly to help with my own anxieties during this pregnancy.  It seems to help me.  

1. “Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.”
2. “I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise.”
3. “My past does not dictate my future. A previous miscarriage does not mean I will have another miscarriage.”
4. “Just because a friend/relative is having a miscarriage, does not mean that it will happen to me.” Miscarriage and pregnancy complications are not contagious, only fear and stress are.
5. “Hope does not make bad things happen.” You cannot “jinx” your pregnancy by getting excited or telling someone. Live in the positive.
6. This is the hardest: “There is nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage from happening.” Worrying yourself sick doesn’t prevent a miscarriage. “And if (God forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive.”

[Pickleopolous]

@ Callieollie  Thank you for posting that.  It is helpful.