post #21 of 21
Hey, I'm really sorry you are going through this. I was a very troubled teen and know how painful this is for your whole family. The good news is, many kids overcome these situations and go on to lead wonderful lives. I did!

If school is a problem, please do everything in your power to make it not a problem, changing schools or homeschooling may be necessary. For me, school in the town I grew up in was a total nightmare. I was an outcast and dealt with it with substance abuse and self mutilation. I felt a strong urge to do anything to differentiate myself from the kids and teachers that made my life miserable, so the more weird/ out of control I was, the better. When I moved across the country to live with my dad, there were a lot of changes in my life, but one of the best for me was a different school environment. New kids and staff that I didn't have this long, crappy history with, and the culture at the school was completely different. It made such an impact on my mental health, I can't even tell you.

A few other things that made a huge difference, just to throw some ideas out there (no idea if they are relevant or would work for your family): getting out in nature, having quiet time to myself, meditation, kayaking weekly, having clear boundaries and expectations set, and enjoying new experiences like travel and the arts.

What didn't help: therapy, outpatient drug rehab. I'm not saying there are no helpful therapists or drug rehab programs, but I will say that many of them (and unfortunately all the ones I went to) were total scoundrels that compounded my problems with my family, and even lied to me and my parents on a regular basis. If you decide to go the therapy route, do some serious homework.

Also, many people in the sado-masochism and bondage world steer well clear of "breath play" because it is dangerous. You should probably sit down and research this, then have an informed, non-judgmental discussion about safety with your daughter. I would be very careful here not to be punitive or imply that she is doing something crazy or stupid, just give her some facts and let her know that you just want her to be safe. The last thing you want is to make her rebel against you by getting more into dangerous sexual activities.

Hang in there, and remember that while the teenage years seem to last forever, they really are going to be over soon. Her brain's wiring will settle down soon and these trials will end. Good luck!