Deciding to have more children when low-income

[zenmumajen]

Hi everyone.

Hopefully this thread belongs here.

I would like to hear from some people who have decided to have more children when they were not in the best financial situation. When I say not in a good financial situation- it's not like we have outstanding debts and a mortgage to pay but it really, really could be alot better. I have heard somebody say before that when you have another, you adapt and make changes and that really is playing in my head now. It just feels so right to start trying now but I feel guilty for feeling this way. Before, I could admit that I wanted another ASAP but I would makes tons of excuses but now I am finding it harder to find them. We DTD the other night without protection and for the last few days our relationship has seemed so much stronger. I am in such a good mood and feel like I am just so much more understanding when my son when he cries lately-maybe i just trying to prove to myself that I can handle two...

[LionessMom]

i understand how you feel. i am currently wanting another and i already have 4. we are low income as well. the  last happened on accident bbut i wouldnt trade any of them. it does get tighter but i figure the best present i ever gave my kids was each other. 

[Devaya]

Me too. And I DO have debts (though not a huge amount), I rent so don't own my place, and am on benefits (state assistance), though that is short term until my son starts school and I can afford to work part time. But the baby fever for a second one is SO strong, and I feel my son would love it too... I have been feeling it for a while now. It sounds as if you guys are pretty solvent, though, and no one has it all sorted - even if you do it guarantees nothing. I got pregnant with my first when I was full time employed and doing reasonably well financially but the journey since then has been a winding one, so you just never know. I would never change it. 

[Beebsmom]

You are exactly in the SAME place we are right now.  We have a mtg, could use some new cars (ours aren't bad...but to keep up with the Joneses), and we have 2 credit cards, etc etc.  That hardest thing is that DH is a Structural Engineer and makes good money...but since I work from home I don't make too much money.  Other people he works with are really wealthy b/c their spouses make lots and they have bigger fancier houses...so we always feel a little poor white trash compared to them.  But I really do love our life!  I've made the decision that keeping up with them isn't really important to me anymore, and next summer when DS is 18 months or so I want to start trying again.  DH really wants to wait until DS is 3...but I'm gonna be 31 this winter and really don't want to be 40 when I'm having another if we end up having 3 like I want.

I definitely learned a LOT this time around about saving money...we have everything like toys and crib etc...and honestly I really don't buy expensive things. We use Target diapers and Formula...and we are HUGE bargain hunters and couponers etc.  I think we spend a lot less than most do.  DS even gets most of his clothes off ebay...and they are brands like Janie and Jack and Gymboree...but I get a GREAT deal on them.

I really do believe that you adjust and make it work...and we're living paycheck to paycheck and can barely get by..but we support ourselves 100%, don't default on anything, and don't need assistance of any kind....so I figure we can squeeze room for one more baby into that!  I'm also planning on taking in another child to babysit for an extra $100 a week. I think that would really help us out too.

Let us know how your decision process goes!

[zenmumajen]

I am glad to hear other people in the same position, but it's bittersweet because it is a tough spot to be in and wouldn't wish it upon anyone. We really aren't solvent- we both only work part-time (hoping he can get a full time job with benefits but I know that's hard to ask for in Michigan) and we just moved into my in-laws in an apt. above their house. Alot of people are moving in with their parents, or parents living with their adult children to save money. I try to think of it that way and that we are not alone. Honestly I also see it as an investment- we can save more money this way. Though- I am just worried that having another would make things harder. This is really a tough spot to be in. My heart is saying yes- I just worry what other's will think.

[Beebsmom]

If your heart is saying yes, honestly I'm a bit jealous of your situation!  I would love to live so close to one of our relatives/parents so that they could help with babysitting, etc.  It would definitely free up some time. DH and I have never sent Aiden to a babysitter or had anyone watch him except his parents for about 4 hours when we went out. They live close to 5 hours away...so having a support system close by is the BEST time to do it!  Definitely try to save up, and while your family is growing take advantage of the help you have...and after your family is established then you can worry about saving, buying a house, etc.  I think it sounds like you definitely could do it!  I think we'd have another one right away if we had family closer...but for right now it's just me myself and I caring for DS while DH is at work.  So I need to make sure I can really handle another one.  It would be SUCH a blessing if the 2nd one for us was another boy! LOL...I've already got everythign! :)

[zenmumajen]

Thanks Beebs- I have kind of rationalized it too with the fact that we have such a STRONG support system, I think it would be fine. It is just the money aspect of things. I am sorry that you don't have family close, maybe I take it a bit for granted. It's nice but isn't so awesome sometimes either because I like my space. I am mostly concerned with money because I stayed at home with my son for the first year but went back to work- but if we had another I don't want to go back. I am envious of moms who stay at home. It really is where my heart is. I guess we both have things that we are envious of each other. haha. I hope that your time comes quickly....

[Krystal323]

Originally Posted by zenmumajen 

My heart is saying yes- I just worry what other's will think.

There's your answer right there, mama.  Don't ever let outside judgments (or even perceived judgments!) dictate what you do or hamper how you feel.  Are you going to be in your late 40's going, "well if only the neighbors didn't know we had that student loan, we coulda had another baby..."??  Absurd!  

You know in your heart where your true path lies--please have the courage to follow it, even when it's the path less taken.  There are a million ways to lead a joyful life--because JOY is in the heart of the individual...the family  

Yeah, we're low-income.  Actually that's probably a polite way to put it, lol.  Am I stressed about the logistics and expense of having another?  Sure.  But I'm pregnant and we will roll with it, confident that it's in the highest good of our whole family.  I'm an only child.  I had everything as a kid--except what I really needed:  real, authentic, loving relationships with my parents.  I think it all evens out in the end--even at extremes 

[CarsonBookworm]

I'm struggling financially, to the point where you wouldn't believe.....and I'm not in a relationship either. Baby fever has hit and struck me for about two and a half years....and I'm looking to save up what I can after I save for an emergency fund to begin an account for a baby fund, because I'll probably go the "bank" route.

[Thursday Girl]

we are pregnant with a surprise #4 (even took measures to prevent pregnancy) and while I thought of giving up the baby I didn't want to. we are broke, like BROKE.On assistance, can just barely pay our bills and their isn't ever money for much else. thankfully work has picked up a tiny bit for Hubs so I can go buy my kid a pair of shoes. Thankfully I have sisters who are helping (One paid for some school field trips for my girls) I know we won't always be so broke, but right now we are and I sometimes feel guilty for having another baby when we are this broke, when we have to have the gov't pay for our food or we wouldn't eat, but this baby is a happy thing and someday we will be past all this and it would be sad to be doing well and missing an amazing little life.

so, I guess I am saying if your heart says yes, go for it!

[Psmythe]

We're pregnant again with an 18 month old at home.  We were both working for a little while with our first, but when I got laid off we decided financially that it made more sense for me to stay home.  The amount of money I would have to make to justify daycare just doesn't come easily in our area.  I was the primary breadwinner in our family so it was a really emotionally charged decision.  We had originally planned on having two, close together, and then Snip! Snip! Hubby!  Ultimately we decided to stick to our plan even though we're not doing well financially and have thought of some financial benefits in the long term:

1. My kids will be going to school really close together, which means I can rejoin the workforce sooner, without paying for daycare.  (Unless we decide to Homeschool...)

2. We don't have to scrounge for baby items, we have all of Rocket's stuff sitting in a closet waiting for Luck to arrive.

3. We can double up some activities for our kids--same sports teams, arts camps etc... at some stages of their lives and get a family discount.  ALSO saves trying to be in two places at once.

4. We do have a bunch of family close by, and having two-under-two is a lot easier with Grandma, Papa, and Nana on hand.  If we decide to move later on we'll lose the free extra hands.

5. Snipping after #2 will save us a lot of stress and birth control money so we don't want to put that off!  (OK, maybe that one is a stretch as a financial benefit, but it sure will be relaxing!)

Part of me feels like we're falling into that 'poor breeders' category, but all things are temporary--even people who are well off could tumble into dire straights, so we're going for it.  There's never a perfect time.  We'll make it work.

[imogenlily]

We're financially solvent, with manageable "good" debt, but I'm still scared mostly of social judgement. I need to put it out of my head, but I don't know how. DH isn't remotely worried about it. When we had our most recent baby, I was so embarrassed by having midwives and our doula in our small, crappy apartment. After being in our place, the midwives kept mentioning resources for low-income families, even though we're doing ok - we'd just prefer to pay down student debt, etc. and live a relatively frugal lifestyle while our baby is a baby so we can afford a better lifestyle for him when he's older. That midwife also really emphasized that breastfeeding wasn't effective birth control on its own, and how I really needed to be careful so I didn't end up back in the midwives' office in a year - even though our pregnancy was planned!

DH really wants another baby now, but I'm so afraid of midwife and general social judgement for having babies when we at least appear to be so poor. What if people think we're foolish and neglectful?

We have a one bedroom. Our baby sleeps in the bed with us, and would move to a toddler bed in the same room when we have another, who would then sleep in the bed with us. Is it do-able?

Apologies if this post is scattered; I'm up well past my bedtime and having some difficulty gathering thoughts on an emotional topic.

[vegemamato]

Our 4th is 2 months old, and we are pretty tight financially.  We didn't 'plan' him (or any of our others) but decided to make it work since I couldn't seriously entertain the idea of abortion or adoption.  We know where we want to go in life, and I think that I would be way more stressed if we didn't have a 'vision' for our future..

I think that you should do what's best for your family and if that means a new little one, then so be it :)

Edited by vegemamato - 11/7/11 at 10:14pm