WWYD- refusing to go to Sunday School

[Deir]

My  8 yr old son transferred from Catholic to Public school this year so he now goes to CCD class every Monday after school. (For non Catholics- it is basically Sunday school during the week)

I admit- it is probably boring and it stinks to go from school to school. He loves to run and play outside and Mondays are a real bummer. However, we've decided we are raising our kids Catholic so, you gotta go to receive Sacraments. It just the way it is.Anyway- the first time, he threw a mother of all tantrums including jumping out of the car right as I started to pull away. I totally totally lost it on him and ended up spanking. He did finally go to class and i felt absolutely horrendous and cried for hours that night(please no flames- I know I know) The second week he was fine and last week there was no class so that of course was great. This week he again refused to go and my mom was there witnessing his fresh "I'm NOT GOING!" Eventually he did go and we were only a few minutes late but we were driving another kid so that's not fair to be late at all. I did have to drag him a little up to the building which is so upsetting and embarrassing.

Wanted to add- I have been suffering with a painful chronic illness since January and a very difficult treatment regimen and my patience level is very low so I have not been the most level headed parent all the time which is probably why we are at this point to begin with. Sigh....

So- what do i do? Do I punish him in some way for this behavior? I kind of feel like I stuck to my guns and he went even if he didn't go willingly. My mom was appalled and saying I need to punish him (take away something, stay inside something like that)

Any ideas?

Again- DO NOT write if you are going to give me a hard time. I am struggling as it is.

Thanks

[pianojazzgirl]

First of all are the Monday classes completely non-negotiable?  Is there any chance he could do a class on Sunday instead, or even a different day of the week?  Monday afternoon activities can be difficult, just because it's the first day back to school after the weekend.

If Monday really is the only option I might be tempted to offer some kind of incentive.  I don't mean to offend, but for him this might be akin to going to a dr's appointment or something, ie. something that *I* feel/know is important, but my child just finds tedious and without value.  Again, I don't want to offend, and obviously these classes are v. different from a dr's appointment, and I assume that you want him to see the value in doing them because it is part of something that is a huge part of your family (your religion).  But... the reality is that it's hard for him, at this age, to really see why he should be doing these classes.  It sounds like he doesn't enjoy them (finds them boring) and would much rather be playing outside (which is normal for this age!).  I would guess that as he gets a bit older and his understanding deepens he'll start to see the value in the classes, but in the meantime you could consider an incentive, dependent on good behaviour (no complaining!), to sweeten the deal and make things run smoother.  I'm thinking something along the lines of special Monday night dessert, adding a sticker to a sticker chart, stopping by a special park afterwards every Monday, etc. 

I think my first step would be to sit down with him and listen, *really listen* to what he doesn't like about having to go to the classes.  His feelings are legitimate and he has a right to them.  Let him know that you really do hear him and understand.  Sometimes we do have to do things we don't want to do and that's hard to take with good grace - even as an adult sometimes.  I think he is old enough to understand if you tell him that you don't like having to fight over Sunday school.  That your expectation of him is that he will go calmly and without complaining.  Fighting over it won't mean that he doesn't go, it will just mean that you will have a fight.  And that's not fun for anyone.  Let him know that you are not able to bend on going to Sunday school (it's a non-negotiable in your family), but you are able to stretch a bit to make things easier for him.  Suggest that you make Monday "go out for pizza" night (or whatever your incentive is).

Another consideration.  After school is a tough time for most kids.  With mine I find the absolute most important thing is to get a substantial, protein-rich snack into them ASAP.  Is it possible he was hungry those two "rough" weeks?

[One_Girl]

Have you asked him why he doesn't like the classes and talked to him about why you feel they are important anyways?  My dd loves to know the reasons behind things so just hearing her out then giving her my reasoning often helps her to do things willingly, sometimes she even embraces the activity after hearing why I feel it is important.  Are you planning a big celebration for when he takes the sacraments?  If so then letting him help plan the celebration may help him stay motivated for the classes.  If you aren't doing a celebration maybe let him plan a treat for when the lessons end.  When I do this with my dd we typically do a doughnut run because it is the only time we eat doughnuts so it is very effective for keeping her motivated over a long period of boring weeks. 

[MommyDOK]

I feel for you momma!!  Do you think it has to do w/ him switching from Catholic school??  Did he want to transfer from Catholic to public??  Do you think he feels his autonomy is very limited so he's acting out in this way?? 
Could you go sit with him in the class, or is that not allowed?  Or would he not want it. 

My 8 year old can be very difficult for me so I understand what you're going through. 

[octobermom]

Catholic here too with an 8 year old in the Catholic CCD program as well. I'd first try to find an honest reason why he doesn't like it. I know with ME when I switched from attending a Catholic school where religion was taught as an everyday course and weaved into all subject matter to Wednesdays night I was literly bored out of my mind. It wasnt bored from a double school it was bored because I went from a rather suctured enviroment of the Catholic school to a more lets get into groups and make this poster about Jesus thing.. I found it petty annoying for my introverted ways and pointless. Now I was older when it happened (6th grade) but I think i might have pretty argumentive on going as well.

 I dont have any real advice though jsut some understanding. My DD CCD meets right after Sunday morning Mass which I like a lot its also a more suctured program which since we homeschool DD thinks its cool shes gets to play "real school" for a few hours. I do tend to take her out to lunch after just the two of us no little sister. Not a bribe jsut an oppunuity,

[Deir]

Thanks so much everyone. Yes. I think it is really boring, not taught by professionals- just nice people volunteering. I feel bad that he needs to go at all but it really is the only option. I have talked to him about it and I understand his viewpoint but it is just one of those non-negotiable things. He is definitely having some autonomy issues lately- I think he is struggling with his peers having late bedtimes, no helmets watching mature movies/video games etc.etc. Maybe there is a little more of that at the new school or maybe it is just his age. We've been running into some general rebellious attitudes in other places too

I am thinking  incentive may be the best idea. I did make his favorite dinner- beans and rice and we had ice cream for dessert but I may need to play it up a little .

Thanks a lot!!

[JollyGG]

Honestly, I would do a CCD class at home and forget it for now. I volunteered to teach my son's class last year. I saw exactly how much of it was just keeping the kids on task and taking turns reading from whatever book was chosen for the curriculum. It honestly wasn't much fun and I don't really think the kids got much out of it. So this year we decided to do a Mass study at home. Observing my kids at Mass on Sunday's I realized that they don't really understand the Mass and therefore don't enjoy it much either. Since Mass is more important to me than CCD and I didn't want my son to feel like he had to do a religion class more than once a week we decided to skip CCD and instead are going to do a scheduled time each week to work on his religious education in our home.

I realize that this is probably the year that he should be receiving 1st communion and that is likely a large part of why you want him to go. But when I taught last year I saw several kids who did 1st communion later. Our church actually does the 1st communion prep in cooperation with but separate from CCD so that they can incorporate the Catholic School kids who will also be receiving. So they have a a special meeting a couple of times before 1st Reconciliation and 1st Communion. Does yours do anything similar? If so can you just go to those and do the rest at home?

[Deir]

Thanks- I'll look into that!

[mamadebug]

Would you be open to having him go to something like this - http://www.cgsusa.org/

It is religious education based on Montessori (Maria Montessori was Catholic, and although most of the schools she created did/do not have a religious basis, there is a "montessori way" to teach religion).  It is much more interactive, and, I would think, meaningful to a kid.  I don't know if they prepare kids for the sacraments - you'd have to check that out.  If you search for an atrium (the children's church classroom/learning environment), not all of the churches that have these programs are Catholic (most others are Orthodox or Episcopal), so you would just want to check that if you see one in your area.

If you are interested in hearing the "kid's" perspective .....  I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school, then switched to Public School and was made to go to CCD even though I didn't want to (I was in the 6th grade, so a little older than your son).  It was a really negative experience.  My Mom made me go, and being made to do that did nothing to further my relationship with the church or God because I was so resentful and their was so much negativity surrounding it all.  Like another poster said, I would talk with your son and really listen to why he is so resistant.  I think that if a kid, especially a child that age, is throwing a tantrum, they are really, really trying to communicate something to you.  Something about the situation isn't working.   Maybe figure out what you really want out of it for him (preparation for the sacraments or maintaining a connection to the church or weekly religious instruction or??) and see if there is another way to achieve that (like an atrium or home ed program or even CCD at another Catholic church).  I wouldn't punish him, though - religious education paired with punishment is a pretty negative association, you know?  I would probably approach it more from the reward angle, and keep it positive.  

[Deir]

Thanks!!

I didn't punish him- despite my mom's fervent belief that I should! LOL

I will definitely look into that!

[Mittsy]

I would let him drop out of the class personally. I don't think making him go to this class when he really doesn't want to is going to do anything positive for anyone involved imho. He doesn't *have* to do this class right now or never be a part of the Catholic church, he can always take it later in life if he wants to lots of people do it. He  can also decide he doesn't want to be a Catholic at all, the only thing that matters here is him knowing you support him regardless of whatever his decision may be. 

[Deir]

No, that doesn't make sense. My family is Catholic and receiving Sacraments is integral to being Catholic. He doesn't want to go because it is boring and he wants to play outside instead- it isn't much deeper than that! I understand that he'd rather ride a bike than go to a religion class but sometimes you can't "support whatever decision" an 8 year old makes. We are raising him Catholic and then as an adult he can totally choose whatever path he wants.

[rainbow_mandala]

I agree with Mittsy--forcing him to go to a religion class that he really doesn't care for isn't going to do him any good long term.  I like what someone else suggested--teach him at home.  At least then you can control how interesting it is for him. In all honesty, though, the class is pointless if he doesn't want to be there because he won't get much out of it.  That is the whole point, right?  For him to understand Catholicism?  I was raised Catholic myself and I honestly didn't get much out of CCD.  I had a lot more fun and absorbed things a lot more by staying home and reading the Bible.  My religion class in high school was really good, but never CCD.  My brothers, also, didn't like and were pretty obstinate about it.  I at least tolerated it and didn't give my parents a hard time, but it didn't do much for me.  

All in all, the goal here is to help him along his spiritual path, right?  Correct me if I'm wrong, please.  I just see so often parents wanting to raise their kids a certain religion and then believing this means "X, Y, Z" when it really depends on the child.  You could wait until he takes an interest in religion before you put him in a class.  Giving him an incentive is still not going to help him when it comes to understanding God.  His own interest in the topic is the only real incentive.  Everything else is a losing battle.  I've seen so much in our society parents who are only doing what they feel is best for their child when it comes to religion, but it only leads to resentment in the end...and sometimes this translates to them resenting God, which is very unfortunate.

[LynnS6]

Is there any openness in the church about doing CCD at a different time? I HATED CCD because it was boring, in the evening and I was tired from a long day and just wanted to play.

Then I married a Lutheran - and we compromised by attending a liberal Lutheran church (he grew up in the most conservative Lutheran church possible - it wasn't much of a compromise on his part because he was always far more liberal than his church. I didn't care because the service is 85% the same as what I grew up with, and I like the fact that women are pastors.) I digress, but the point I wanted to make was: Lutherans do Sunday School on Sundays when we're at church already. It helps that it's on Sunday morning (9:45) so that it's not conflicting with their time with friends. We usually go early for Sunday School, stay for service and then come home. Other families go to early service, stay for Sunday School and go home. (There's an 8:30 and an 11 service. My family doesn't do early mornings.)

There's no reason why religious education in the Catholic Church can't be on a Sunday. I bet you aren't the only parent who has trouble getting your kid to Sunday School. You could play up the "kids are so scheduled in the evenings, could we think about a different day?"

[NZJMama]

When my son was 5, I visited his Sunday school class (we're Catholic too) and I realized why he didn't want to go, it was soooo boring. I'm surprised he didn't put up more of a battle to be honest. Since then, I have been home schooling our Religious Ed. and I plan to do the sacraments at home too. I would talk to your church to see if this is an option.  I felt like religion was something that should bring our family together, not create conflict.

[Deir]

I am definitely going to look into homeschooling this. Thanks for reminding me everyone!