How to make it right with a toddler?

[intrepidmother]

I yelled at my DD today. I screamed at her to "shut up". I feel horrible and it was done during an epic tantrum while her brother was crying.

She's sleeping now and, as always, I'm left to ponder how I could yell at her like that. Sigh. I've regretted my tone with her before and I'm always thankful for a new day where I can have a second chance. I've never yelled at her like I did an hour ago and I don't know how to make it right.... Ideas? Anyone?
Edited by intrepidmother - 10/11/11 at 5:34pm

[newmamalizzy]

This happens to me all too often, usually revolving around DD not napping.  I just get SO angry.  Sometimes I just tell her that I'm really angry and can't be with her right now.  Other times I'm too angry and borderline yell that I don't want her around.  I have a really hard time controlling that type of anger, and I generally feel awful in retrospect.  DD often responds by wanting to play "Where's Bea?" I find that it helps both of us to feel better afterwards, playing this game in which I'm seeking her attention over and over again.  I can say things like, "Oh, I miss Bea.  I love her so much.  I want her to come play with me!"  It lets her be in the role of power, pushing me away like I did to her.  At some point I usually outright tell her I'm sorry that I was mad and we hug.  Maybe there's some way you can use a game to help your daughter understand that you're sorry?  Just some good quality time might help.

[Mal85]

Try not to beat yourself up about it too much. I think we all have those moments, I know I do. When I have a moment like that with DD, I usually apologize to her later and tell her that I shouldn't have reacted that way. Then, we just move on to hugs and I promise to do better next time. It's basically the same I ask from her when she throws an angry tantrum or hits me/someone else in anger. Just like every other area of parenting, we model the behavior we'd want from them. There will be (and I'm sure there already are) moments when your toddler loses her temper. She's seeing you do the same thing, but follow it up appropriately. Let her know that your behavior was wrong and that you feel badly about it and still love her. This is just another teaching opportunity.

[crunchy_mommy]

Be gentle with yourself, we all reach our breaking point at times!! I am not a yeller but there are definitely situations that I haven't handled properly with DS. When that happens, I make sure to get down at DS's level & apologize and explain that I should have ____ (stood up for him better, not ignored him, whatever it is) and that next time I will try to handle it better. I think it's valuable for him to hear a heart-felt apology, for him to understand that what I did was not the best, etc. and to be able to discuss what happened if he wishes to. Usually I find that I was much more affected by the experience that he was, but occasionally he will want to talk more about it or really needs some affection. Kids are so resilient though!!

[lifechange]

I understand completely of what you are going through  as both of my boys went through what seemed like major changes as toddlers.  They would have terrible tantrums and I remember losing it and yelling at them a few times.  Once I cooled off I realized what was going on.  Being a new parent of twins they were giving me a run for the money.  I needed to do something before I was going to lose it.  I spoke to a few friends and colleagues and they suggested to try this "talkingtotoddlers" program.  At first I was very skeptical about this, I honestly thought it was a joke.  I downloaded the free lesson and liked it so much I went ahead and got the rest of the series.   Best part about the program is that if you don't like it it is 100% refundable.  Since using the program I am more relaxed, and my boys now 3 1/2 are more respectful and have fewer, if any, tantrums.  Please let me know what you think.  

http://cf5c4ilo874f8k4hegx5kdsq-q.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=OCT11

[zinemama]

When she wakes up, you just say, "Sweetie, I yelled at you when I was mad and I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." Look at it this way: you get a chance to model an apology for her. And don't feel too badly about it. We've all been there.

[AKA_PI]

I have those days. Especially when my little guy wakes up in the middle of the night screaming and having a temper tantrum. I normally have a talk with him the morning and tell him that mommy is sorry for yelling and that she was tired. I give him hug and remind him that mommy loves him but we are a team so we have to work together.

[intrepidmother]

Thanks for the replies!  i hate screaming and I hate losing my cool and I HATE knowing that it will happen again :)  I will take a look at that presentation when I have a moment... any tools and insight is helpful.  I feel like parenting brings out the best and worst in me.... but it is comforting that I'm not the only one!