So, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant on and off for a year and a half. We moved from my hometown to Chicago, then found our way to Alabama and I don't have a "regular" gyn anymore. When we first got here, a little over a year ago, I went to Planned Parenthood and got a checkup - everything checked out. We never intended on staying here long, so we stopped trying for several months and I never bothered getting a regular doctor.
At the end of July, I didn't start my period. By mid-August I still hadn't gotten my period or a positive pregnancy test and most of the doctors around here wouldn't see me without the pregnancy test until they had "open hours" where they were accepting new patients. Beginning of September, I started to bleed. Badly. I went to the ER and they tried to tell me it was just my period, but after a week of bleeding I went back. The long and the short of it is, I was experiencing a "non-viable pregnancy". They asked if I wanted to schedule a d&c, which I declined, told me what to watch for and sent me on my way. When I pressed for what exactly they meant by a "non-viable pregnancy", the doctor told me to see my regular doctor and walked out. Now, this isn't the first time this has happened at this hospital, but it's the only ER within an hour of me (first time was a year ago when I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks).
Now, I've gone through the miscarriage - something that I needed to do and I'm glad I did. But it's so hard to talk to anyone about it. Most everyone is of the opinion that I was never pregnant in the first place - which my body strongly disagrees with. My mom said to me that she didn't think I was pregnant nor could get pregnant on my own (HPV and treatment 5 years ago). So I've had to go through this alone. Not that my husband hasn't been here for me - he has been wonderful. But I'm a homemaker, and he does so much for me, I hate burdening him with it when he gets home from work. I'm not a regular poster here, and maybe that's what makes it a little easier to say something that I haven't been able to say elsewhere. I'm not crying everyday anymore. I thought I was better. But then my cousin drowned, and I just shut down. I didn't know what to say to my parents or to my grieving aunt and uncle - I haven't actually cried for him.
I don't really know. I just know that I'm not as okay as I thought I was and that I needed to share - to unburden myself. Thanks for letting me.
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