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Team Green...

post #1 of 33
Thread Starter 

This is my first pregnancy where I didn't know the gender.  So my first at having this great surprise at the end, but I'm not able to talk to the baby with his/her name (which I did NON STOP with my current kids...even though my son's name was changed on my EDD so he only heard it 8 days in utero).

 

Anyway, I feel completely unbonded.  And I'm not one to refer to my fetus as "bean-o" while talking to it.  Anybody else? 

 

I think it might be a subsequent child thing, too.  My neighbor is EDD one week after me and also on Team Green and also feeling these same things. 

 

Just looking for some commiseration.

post #2 of 33

My DH nicknamed the baby Tic-Tac, because that's how big he/she was when I started sending him e-mail updates about the baby's development.  So we've been using that and it's pretty nice, actually.  :)   I've never been in your position, but I can imagine how hard it is to not be able to think of the baby by a name when you've done so in the past.  Can you think of a nickname that you would feel comfortable using with him/her?

post #3 of 33

We don't know the gender, but since I have no previous pregnancies to compare...  I can't say it's been a problem. My husband and I switch randomly back and forth between "he" and "she" depending on mood, and in lieu of a name, we picked a random Asian-language pronoun that just means "child" or "youngest" (there are several). It works, but then we are not super-talky people to begin with...

post #4 of 33

This is our first time not finding out as well.  I love the fact that I am the only one with a special connection to this baby.  There are no fuzzy images or gender roles to tell me who this baby will be.  I get to feel the kicks and squirms and share them with my children and husband.  I would say that everyone else is a bit disconnected so there seems to be a shortage of gifts, advice and opinions, which I am totally cool with.  My family is pretty annoyed with me for not finding out, but it doesn't bother me.  I think I am probably just being selfish, I don't want to share this baby with everybody just yet.  

post #5 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarah_bella1050 View Post

This is our first time not finding out as well.  I love the fact that I am the only one with a special connection to this baby.  There are no fuzzy images or gender roles to tell me who this baby will be.  I get to feel the kicks and squirms and share them with my children and husband.  I would say that everyone else is a bit disconnected so there seems to be a shortage of gifts, advice and opinions, which I am totally cool with.  My family is pretty annoyed with me for not finding out, but it doesn't bother me.  I think I am probably just being selfish, I don't want to share this baby with everybody just yet.  



What she said. I feel like not knowing also prevents me coming up with a lot of expectations for the kid-- and expectations are a burden. It has also effectively prevented my family from shipping us a lot of frilly stuff we don't need ;)  Instead, we've received a few very practical gender-neutral baby gifts (onesies, cloth diapers...) because it's hard for people to impulse-buy based on "OMG that's SO CUTE!" when they don't know the gender. And yeah, I have really appreciated the curious lack of unwanted advice-- I feel like I'm hoarding the baby experience all for myself (and a little for my husband), and I like it that way. It's this private little thing between us, the baby and its little kicks and flips.

post #6 of 33
Thread Starter 

What sort of gender-specific advice have you guys gotten in the past?  I also don't think I've ever been given a gender-specific gift pre-baby.  Maybe my family is just weird!

post #7 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by AfricanQueen99 View Post

What sort of gender-specific advice have you guys gotten in the past?  I also don't think I've ever been given a gender-specific gift pre-baby.  Maybe my family is just weird!


 

LOL, it's not really gender specific.  Although if it's a boy we will get lots "of watch outs" and "boys are a lot of work" type comments. I think there just isn't a lot of advice and opinions b/c nobody has been able to bond and ponder the baby.  Also strangers get thrown off by the fact that your not finding out the sex and have to think about that for a bit instead of telling you what you should be doing/naming and not naming the baby.

post #8 of 33

We've decided to go with 'unknown' for the gender after our crappy ultrasound experience, although we're pretty much expecting it will be a boy. Be a nice surprise if not, though.

 

I only knew for sure with ds2, although we were 99% certain with ds1. I really don't like not knowing. It was hard with ds3 & it's even worse this time. i just refer to him/her as "baby". We're not much for nicknames. I wouldn't say I feel less bonded, it's just...different.

post #9 of 33

I think it is really hard to "bond" with the baby without knowing the gender.  It is for me, at least.  I go back and forth between what I think the baby is, and then I feel awful because I don't want to be disappointed.  I am sure I will love my baby no matter what gender it is, but I don't want to hear "oh, I think it's a boy" or "little girls are so whiny" etc.  It's almost like I don't want to think about the baby being either gender!  Weird, I know.

post #10 of 33

We just call the baby "baby"... creative, I know. I usually say "he" in front of DH because I know he is still hoping its a "he" (although I am positive a "she"  would totally rule him), and alternate "he/she" or try to avoid using any type of pronoun and just stick to "baby".  I do feel that I would be more bonded if I knew the gender, but I do know I can not *wait* to meet this little person!  I have to work on getting my nerve up to tell random stranger who ask if it's a boy or a girl that I did not find out because I chose not to have any ultrasounds and blow their minds.  In the mean time, it is kind of fun and exciting to flip back and forth with my gender predictions on a daily basis! (Who knows, there might even be two!!)

post #11 of 33

I've nicknamed baby "baby bean". I honestly find that bonding  with knowing vs without knowing has not been different for me anyway. I've been able to bond with all my kids in utero, and I knew the gender of my first only. 

post #12 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by element2012 View Post

I have to work on getting my nerve up to tell random stranger who ask if it's a boy or a girl that I did not find out because I chose not to have any ultrasounds and blow their minds.


Oh, definitely do it!  I have had the most fun seeing people's expressions, and it sometimes creates an opportunity to help people learn about the truth behind u/s.  I highly recommend it (just don't tell doctors or anyone you KNOW will give you grief and "but what if there's something wrong with your baby" scenarios, because really, who needs that???)

 

post #13 of 33

We call the baby "Baby". Pretty simple but we've totally bonded. Lots of singing and dancing!

post #14 of 33

Had to revive this thread!  Now that we all have super visible bumps, I am wondering what the general consensus amongst passersby about the gender of your LO?  For me, I have not one time in the last 3 months had someone come up to me and tell me I'm carrying a girl.  And now, it's almost a daily occurance that someone tells me I'm carrying a boy.  What about you?

post #15 of 33

The guy at the check-out counter at Trader Joe's volunteered his opinion that my bump was a boy, but most people are so taken aback when I tell them that we don't know the gender, that they don't even take a stab at predicting the sex.  My 6-yr old niece said it will be a girl, while my 4-yr old nephew sided with "boy".  My husband loves to answer the question: "What are you having?" with a very straight-faced answer: "A baby."

 

element: do you think you're carrying a boy?

post #16 of 33

95% of people have guessed we're having a girl.  I feel like the baby is a girl too, but who knows.  :) 

post #17 of 33

I've gotten 'mixed reviews'... I'll be surprised if baby is a girl, but honestly I have thought about it so much that I don't really have a good sense of what my feelings are half the time... I've had more dreams that it's a girl than it's a boy, but the girl dreams have all seemed "off" in some way (for example, the 'baby' in one 'girl' dream was a totally different ethnicity and was about a year old... whereas the baby in one boy dream was definitely newborn, definitely ours, and about ten inches from my face the entire dream...)

post #18 of 33

I keep dreaming that the baby is a girl. My 10-year-old nephew insists that it must be a boy, and that I should name it after him. My overseas friends are all rooting for it to be a boy because it's my first child ("boys are lucky!"). We just keep flipping back and forth calling the baby "he" or "she" randomly, to keep everyone terribly confused. People I meet locally are a little aghast, not because I haven't learned the sex, but because we have not had an ultrasound yet. Apparently people who can afford it have an ecografia like every two weeks here (I was a little aghast when I heard that!).

 

Won't be much longer before we find out, though :)

 

post #19 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aunteater View Post

We just keep flipping back and forth calling the baby "he" or "she" randomly, to keep everyone terribly confused. People I meet locally are a little aghast, not because I haven't learned the sex, but because we have not had an ultrasound yet.

 

hahaha, we're exactly the same on both counts!  My husband writes "he" on his FB posts regarding the baby, while I write "she", and all our friends are going nuts!  And we also get the same reactions regarding not having had any ultrasounds.  Too funny... :)
 

 

post #20 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by montessorimama1 View Post

 

element: do you think you're carrying a boy?



I have had one dream of the delivery where the baby was a girl and one dream of someone else holding the baby and the gender was unclear, so I think dreamland is hinting towards girl.  And I don't know if it's the contrarian in me or my intuition, but I am thinking girl too. smile.gif  I think when all is said and done and the baby is here, I am going to be shocked either way lol.

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